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hi welcome to mi room love
Date: October 7, 2022
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hi welcome to mi room love
It’s none of your business?
Your friends aren’t smart. It’s not “cool” to be dating someone 10 years older than you when you’re a minor. That’s messed up.
Follow your intuition bruh
How are you going to judge her when you BOTH had sex. Sex is not a one person job it’s two people. You BOTH decided to have sex so he’s you BOTH had sex too fast. And if that’s such a turn off to you then maybe grow up
This is really scary:( please don't blame yourself
I would say working on the trust issue or this will happen sooner than later.
Based on this logic, I've banged my best friends repeatedly over the years. He's so ridiculous for this ine
Do a test, pretend you are drinking one night but its really
First, I would be getting tested for STDs. Second, I would be ??♀️??♀️How many others are there?! I would also ask if he donated sperm when he was younger? As soon as he walks in the room, I would play Papa Was a Rolling Stone. Nah, you better than me. The first two and all strippers, I would’ve been gone! ✌?✌?
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it
It's BS. And probably trolling.
Explore your emotions and your thoughts connceted with the emotions. This situation is simply part of your journey healing this jealousy. You state you have conflicting emotions. Relax and consider what kind of emotions do you want to express out to the world? Then consider how protecting yourself from unpleasant feelings of jealousy is also energy that shapes your world.
Hold both the jealousy and The Joy from seeing your boyfriend happy in your mind and body and let both emotions exist. Slowly let your mind reveal what you truly desire.
It is normal to want to protect ourself from pain. However in this situation, is it necessary to protect yourself? Or can you acknowledge that “Yes, i have jealousy. And Yes sometimes I want to protect myself. However sometimes I can also choose something else” as you already did!
I think you saying Yes without thinking is actually progress done through your therapy. And feeling this guilt is also part of your healing journey. Explore it and your anwser on what to do will reveal itself ?
Well that’s really down to you to decide. I wouldn’t want to put my life on hold for the small chance that she decides she’s ready to date. You’re also closing yourself off from potentially meeting someone that could be your person.
Wait for what? He's not going to change his mind.
Move on and jump back into the dating pool with guys that are actually available.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So.. rough situation I find myself in this week… I found out that there is a very strong chance I might have an 11 year old daughter. The particulars of how I came to find this out aren't really relevant to my immediate concern, so I'll dispense with unnecessary details. Suffice to say, the child has a dad and he even signed the birth certificate. She seems well taken care of and the mother is not looking for anything from me, financially or otherwise.
However, I told my current girlfriend the news and she hasn't spoken to me since (two days ago). I've maintained my level of communication as I would have normally regardless of this new information. I finally received a reply from her this morning to my “good morning, leaving for work, have a great day” text saying she's been having a rough time since she found out and has lots of questions before deciding if she wants to move out.
While I completely respect her decision to stay or go, I find myself wondering, “well, if me finding out I have an 11 year old daughter is going to push you to a point where you consider leaving, you might as well just go. I'm just as shocked as you are by this and really, I'm not interested in being loved conditionally like that. Were either in this together, or we aren't”. I obviously haven't said this to her.
Do you think Im over reacting? Thoughts? Perspectives? Suggestions? Anything?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So.. rough situation I find myself in this week… I found out that there is a very strong chance I might have an 11 year old daughter. The particulars of how I came to find this out aren't really relevant to my immediate concern, so I'll dispense with unnecessary details. Suffice to say, the child has a dad and he even signed the birth certificate. She seems well taken care of and the mother is not looking for anything from me, financially or otherwise.
However, I told my current girlfriend the news and she hasn't spoken to me since (two days ago). I've maintained my level of communication as I would have normally regardless of this new information. I finally received a reply from her this morning to my “good morning, leaving for work, have a great day” text saying she's been having a rough time since she found out and has lots of questions before deciding if she wants to move out.
While I completely respect her decision to stay or go, I find myself wondering, “well, if me finding out I have an 11 year old daughter is going to push you to a point where you consider leaving, you might as well just go. I'm just as shocked as you are by this and really, I'm not interested in being loved conditionally like that. Were either in this together, or we aren't”. I obviously haven't said this to her.
Do you think Im over reacting? Thoughts? Perspectives? Suggestions? Anything?
Well, you could just wait until his mother dies- it’s not like you’d have long to wait.. once she’s dead,he won’t have to hide you-or he could claim that you’re his nurse….shouldn’t be too long before he needs one of those
grooming describes raising a child to believe that having relationships with ppl much older than them is normal. if you were 20 and he was 15 that would be something, but an 18yo and a 20yo is perfectly fine. it sounds like the actual issue here is emotional maturity.
She should jokingly ask him to grow another inch or too ?
If you tell him it will most likely blow up in your face. If you don’t tell him it will be like living with a loaded gun pointed at your face.
Sucks to be you
Yes it is possible. Unfortunately STD’s can lie dormant for months and not show up on tests, you may even have it and have tested negative. If Covid has Taught us anything it is that testing for Virus is not full proof. False negatives are much more prominent than false positives, unfortunately. Which leads to the spread. Gauge her reaction and think back, has she even had time to cheat on you? What’s her schedule like. Have you Suspected infidelity in the past?
Can you read ? I haven't cheated. Drop the bs and contribute to the actual conversation at hand or scroll on to a different post
4 months and he’s already talking marriage? But has issues with you as a person and the choices you’ve made? Red Flag
Your abortion is just that, yours. No one, no man, no woman, no one has the right to make you feel guilty for making the best decision for yourself. Anyone who does that doesn’t deserve a moment of your time. 4 months is the perfect amount of time for the facade to fall, and it looks like it has. Time to cancel this relationship and this man.
He sounds immature, impulsive, judgmental…girl this one is a pass
Most of the people out there have had sex with other people. You having an issue with dating someone who has sex before is a YOU issue that you need to work on. Especially since you’ve now had sex so would be a hypocrite.
I think you’re an ass for breaking up with her over something horrible her ex did to her. Also you’re stupidity – I don’t think I’d watch a video labeled my discomfort plus was there not a thumbnail to give you a clue? But I also want you to break up with her because she deserves someone better than you.
Yes maybe but why stare it’s odd. I don’t understand.
i mean more so can this benefit our relationship & solve superficial problems to come back stronger?
He was always the kind of man who would be attracted to these types of shorts. If he was a good man he’d have recognized the toxicity and would never have wasted his time. These videos are feeding him exactly what he’s choosing to listen to.
I spend a lot of time there. His mom is rarely home. He has never lived on his own. He does all his own cooking/shopping/laundry.
Sit /lie down. Usually height is based length of legs.
Use flats not heals.
Still remember look your best – be proud of yourself – be a supermodel!
Do not bend your back or try to be his height. He is looking at you and nobody looks good with a bent back.
Remember this might also be his issue – but a man with self confidence is proud of him self and his date!
I read Julia Childs book about her life in France. She was 6 2 and her husband was I think 5 8 and there was never a problem. Her sister was taller still and her husband was smaller ?
Am dude. My ex was a goddess physically. However, she had trauma that made me unable to playfully grab at or cat call her in private. This led to me barely ever complimenting her because I didn't know when it would be taken well and when it would be a problem.
Is it possible that you've reacted some way that made him uncomfortable expressing his lust/awe?
Which itself is not their fault. Its 100% porn's fault, and society's fault (which is mostly men shaming other men).
The problem is they don't want to accept that it's a problem that needs to be fixed. And they compare it with things like fat shaming. But we're not penis shaming. We're penis praising. We're saying smaller pensises are better for sex and are much more enjoyable. They say we're shaming them when it's really the opposite. Ugh.
Which itself is not their fault. Its 100% porn's fault, and society's fault (which is mostly men shaming other men).
The problem is they don't want to accept that it's a problem that needs to be fixed. And they compare it with things like fat shaming. But we're not penis shaming. We're penis praising. We're saying smaller pensises are better for sex and are much more enjoyable. They say we're shaming them when it's really the opposite. Ugh.
You should have told her no if you weren’t ready. Now decide whether you want to stay in this for the long haul for real.
you could at least stall
He has been stalling. For 6 years! He's wasting her time at this point
OMG I needed to hear this. Thank you stranger
Do u think she has reason to not want to be with u anymore?
Like I'm assuming it hasn't been very happy lately.
I'd speak to her about it
Don't let it affect you, she doesn't know you and is busy diagnosing the world to fit in her little box.
You are right, love bombers care about how their actions draw attention to THEM, not on whether or not it's good for the other person.
Have a think, though, about why you are giving head space to the comment from a random woman – don't allow her words to influence the way you see yourself.
i don’t even excuse one time cheaters, but i can understand how it might be more of a mistake if its just one time. she cheated on you for MULTIPLE WEEKS. thats inexcusable
OP stop trying to make a ho into a house wife.
She belongs to the streets.
Dump her.
I really need to how many men have read this story and would think of leaving their wife when she took a rock to the head while pregnant that was meant for you? This is some kind of fucked up thing to do to your wife.
This is the correct way to deal with the situation. A lawyer could request the items be deleted from her phone and everyone else's phones by a neutral 3rd party.
Sorry, how long does a man have a “claim” on a woman after she dumps him? They had been broken up for weeks.
Is your GF in therapy, OP?
Are you she didn't anyone during that time?
When she gets home just ask her , how was the hotel?
Just remember you don't need proof to divorce , you don't even need to make a big scene out of it
Quite clearly you haven't delivered for a while and unless discussions have been had about it then she is probably looking around for other options
That's life , do your best to separate peacefully and then just work on improving yourself.
I love how they all return to their original looks anyway. It’s like they just want a to try it out and decided that actually, NOPE!
This is definitely a you thing. I suggest you seek therapy to get over your jealousy. I also don't think you should bring it up to your GF. If my BF came to me and said he was jealous about guys I game with online (that I've been gaming with before I even met him) and never actually meet up with IRL, it would be so weird.
My gf and I still go clubbing on occasion. We're both 36 now and our friend is a promoter, so we get free entry and sometimes sit behind the DJ booth where they have cozy couches and tables. We don't drink on many occasions when we go and if we do, we don't drink a lot. Mostly go there to vibe, dance, and hangout (music isn't like it used to be, though, but that's just me being old). It's a nice little escape from reality, being around a lot of people, listening to music, dancing, dressing up, etc., but speaking of “hookup culture”, there has been a few instances where I'd go to the bathroom and I'd come back to see some dude hitting on her. Back when we were in our 20's, we'd go clubbing too, and it used to bother me. Nowadays, not really. If I see a dude hitting on my GF, like if I walk away or something, I just hang back. She's nice, but doesn't take things too far.
It certainly can be hookup culture. For sure. But it also can be a place to just have fun with friends. It's a spectrum and people just need to make wise decisions, overall.
Well, you'd be surprised what people say… but glad to hear that.
I think it was a mistake going back to your ex in the first place, but I don't envy your position. Sometimes the “best” option available also comes with a lot of fallout.
He only pays for his car, gas, car insurance and his phone bill. Can't say I can blame him for not wanting to let that go but it sure is frustrating.
Your husband is a rapist
Just show up and see for yourself. Keep your mouth shut till then.
At least you didn't see the video of the blowjobs she handed out.
Focus on yourself for a bit man, and gl with the breakup.
make sure to get that ring back!
Jesus man do NOT marry this manipulator!! Leave and save your sanity now! It will NOT get better after marriage.
I hear how difficult this is for your family. I also hear that it is likely that the way your family views the world and others is part of your family cultural upbringing. No person is born a bully. It is learned behavior.
In the past, bullying was normalized in culture, like boys will be boys, type thing. In addition, it seems that the bullies I’ve personally been hurt by have all had older brothers. Those older brothers can be awful to younger brothers, and the younger ones emulate their big brothers. A parent that makes fun and ridicules people behind their backs, “others” them. Those people are not given respect or compassion. When a child is given license to “other”, by a parent, then they will automatically do so.
It is unconscious on the child’s part, because kids do not look critically at parents. It is part of the child’s survival instincts and unconditional love that they have for their parents.
So how to create transformation in your family dynamic? This is a big question, as this is long term cultural learning. It is going to take some change of culture and different experiences to turn the tide of previous learning.
To increase compassion in your children and husband, perhaps volunteer at a soup kitchen to serve the hungry?
For every time your child is unkind, ask them to do two things that are kind to a stranger?
Perhaps even get the whole family involved, and for every time one person does something unkind, then the whole family needs to do something positive?
I’m guessing that putting others first would be pretty hard to do, as it seems like the current culture is about service to self. I’m not even sure that you can force change, but there is a universal law of balance, and it is likely someone will teach your family a lesson if you are unable to do so yourselves.
Your girlfriend has mental health issues (as you and her know). She is working on them – good. But… at this point not good enough to be able to be in a relationship, when she feels she can't be in a relationship without controlling the partner. Having those thoughts is not good, but can happen with her disorder. Telling you (someone working on your mental health!) about it is bad. She should have talked with her therapist about it, but not with you. Asking you to actually act on it is unacceptable. You can't heal on the side of a person that wants to control you, and that believes you owe them every thought, that doesn't want you to have privacy, and doesn't trust you even though she knows it is her problem, and not yours. This is your call, do you want to heal?
Maybe it wasn't the right thing… but sometimes it's just necessary, and messy, no doubt… Life is seldom this straight arrow many people try to make it appear. It's a lot more gray than black or white, in this specific scenario, I don't judge the man one bit.
Dude~~he doesn't want to hang with you. It's been a year and it didn't happen.
You call him out on it and he apologizes and gives you some of his reasons but you jump on him with, well you should do this you should say that!
HE HAS BEEN TELLING YOU! In a passive manner but, still telling you.
If he wanted to hang out with you he would have. He doesn't so he hasn't.
Take the L and leave him alone, already.
You need to find a way to let it go. Otherwise, it's just going to hurt you and hurt your relationship. Your wife was honest with you, that counts for something. Was it gentle? Not really, and you should address that with her. Go to therapy together if you don't want to have the conversation alone.
Isn’t it also possible that he unsent the text message on his end?
I think you should both talk and recognize life has been tough on both of you recently and implement a system when one doesn’t pile up on the other but gets some comfort.
If you want him back and you were the one who asked for a break you should contact him. The sooner the better because if not it will become a thing on its own.
Honestly I wouldn't do that either
I think the problem is that John offered he fuck buddy to my husband & my husband forgot to mention it to me until months later
You say he makes excuses. But it sounds like you do to. Why did you get him a new phone? Why is he using your mums car. Why are you doing his laundry? Why are you cooking for him? You’re his live in maid / assistant. He doesn’t talk to you. Doesn’t help with the house. And you do all his admin. I mean this kindly but where are your standards. You should be throwing him out and you’ll only be with someone who adds to your life, not takes from it.
You need to study and practice. Pick a song both of you like, and that makes you groove when listening to it. Don't drag out the length of the dance either. Short and sweet are your friends here. And remember to have fun.
Not bashing, You didnt say the urge to cheat, you asked about actual cheating.
If he wants a poly relationship, he should have addressed it before getting married. Every relationship has 2 people at least. Both deserve respect.
Sorry I don't but any of this.
I have the exact same situation due to a muscle disease and I have a feeding tube which delivers everything I need, including medications.
She has had an 80lb weight loss and what I assume is confirmation of malabsorbtion and yet nothing being done?
So instead she's going to purge and you're going to punch her in the head after?
This is just insane.
It won’t get better. Why would he do stuff when you do it for him?
My comment is based entirely off what you said. Sometimes, strong feelings aren’t enough. It sucks to love someone who doesn’t love you back the same way. You can be optimistic and hopeful as well, but when he treats you like this, my love, you need to pay attention. You said yourself you don’t think he likes you as much as you thought he did. Think about the other instances he has made you feel this way. He’s revealing himself to you.
However, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt—show him this post and our comments, and see what he says. Maybe he didn’t really mean to come across as cruel as he did.
I wish you luck…?
You… get to know each other. You talk, you gauge if there is any chemistry, if you both want, you hold hands, you kiss, have sex. Anything but declaring yourselves officially a couple.
That's truly scary behaviour by him and I can not work out why you put up with it. Get rid of him and find someone who respects you and lets you be yourself.
Not really, it's just pure preference. You don't have to hate or be biased against a group to not be attracted to them.
Speaking personally, I'm mostly attracted to white women. I've dated other ethnicities before, and there was nothing wrong with those relationships. I just grew to realize that I preferred Caucasian women, for various reasons. I still choose to treat everyone with the same respect I would want to be given to me.
If we're being “brutally honest”, his personality sounds like a 3/10…if I'm being generous
Fr these men are so repressed 🙁 toxic isolating culture
I think this could be it. I was a kid that was pushed and academically excelled. But-at the cost of most of my childhood. My parents loved me and very much were trying to do the right thing. They just wanted me to succeed, and at the time I was on board.
It was only when I was an adult and became a parent myself, that I realized how huge the trade off had been. When my daughter started showing signs of being similar to me I did everything in my power to make sure she would go through school with her age peers. I moved so I could put her in a language immersion school because I figured it would help keep her level with other kids.
Spoiler: it didn’t. But she did graduate within her age appropriate school year so I feel my efforts were not completely in vain.
But, I can see how someone thinking the way I did would respond this way. Turns out three kids later I realized I can’t and shouldn’t write their story for them. They have to write their own, and I have to say, they are turning into brilliant stories.
Yeah he was trying to give her his number 100% you’re not crazy
Honey. He is using all of that to control and manipulate you. Run away, you owe it to yourself.
i've been wrestling with whether or not we're actually happy together, and whether we should seek therapy and figure out ways to compromise for each other, or whether it's the right thing to cut things off here and find someone who's more similar.
You have a right to prefer whatever genitals you prefer. Your partner should have told you this a long time ago but choose to keep it a secret, which isn't great.
You don't owe them being okay with their body if their genitals don't match what you are comfortable or attracted to. You can love your boyfriend, but love is not enough to make a relationship work. It seems like you two just may be incompatible.
You seem to have trouble taking any responsibility-your son has spent his life being gaslit, dealt with narcissistic parents and living in some sort of toxic atmosphere-read what you wrote again-it’s all about how wronged you feel you are- nothing about taking ownership of the issues you and your husband have caused, you’ve never made an effort to rectify the problems, now you’re placing all blame on son’s shoulders
Did they tell you this or did they just ghost? Before or after meeting?
What does your mother say? Any chance she could influence your father? Or do you have any grandparents who could front you the money? Once you're a doctor, you should be able to pay them back, right?
The reason why I find this disgusting is because clearly she doesn't want the relationship to end. He is putting his want for sex over her emotional need to get over this incompatible relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting sex, but with this move he is essentially holding her emotionally hostage while she tries to win him back. Just get another piece of ass if its that important.
“Oh, well what if he needs an emotional connection??” HE decided to end the emotional connection, he shouldn't reap those rewards.
Are people really this jealous and insecure?
I went to a concert this past weekend with a girl I used to sleep with, who has no respect for my relationship, who I am no longer friends with. My girlfriend was sick and couldn’t go. I didn’t know this girl was invited when I bought the tickets.
I told my girlfriend that this girl was coming, and that I wasn’t happy about it but it wasn’t up to me. I interacted with her as little as possible while enjoying my time with my other friends, and my girlfriend didn’t freak out on me or threaten our relationship.
OP, your boyfriend has invested a lot of money into a trip and has no power to disinvite this girl from the group. If he doesn’t go because of your jealousy, he will be out all this money and resent you for making him miss it, which will ultimately crack your already rocky relationship. Ultimatums suck. If this one thing is a dealbreaker for a 2 year relationship, I can’t imagine it was that strong to begin with
Thanks, this is helpful ?
My concern is men with this kind of complex often become more and more abusive.
The one person out a thousand that wants this. I'm sure the dude is confused as heck.
It’s okay, i us usually suck at explaining myself. I wasn’t necessarily trying to paint myself in a good light, I know I sounded like an nerdy asshole saying “I’m the apple guy, I know more about this stuff?”. I just said it quick and didn’t think,
I will talk with her. I just can’t even reason with her which is the issue. If I try and get her to understand, she moves the goalpost and I never end up being understood.
let her reach out to you continue improving and working on yourself plus congratulations on losing 35 the hard work paid off
A soulmate wouldn't be doing this to you. The trust is gone in your relationship. It's over in all but name. I'm sorry
And you have no idea who she is, period, or what we know or don't know about this person. The world is rarely this black and white. I'm not up for arguing this back and forth, to be honest. We believe she's a good person who is making bad decisions to survive in a difficult situation, and we want to help her out instead. It doesn't mean we like stealing. It means we see it as a symptom of a problem that we are equipped to help solve.
That sucks. My wife and I have a sorta old school propriety. I don't do things that would put her, or her friends and family in a position of wondering what the fuck is going on.
That's just being respectful.
“but a possible friendship with a hot, young member of the opposite sex”
What the hell do I need that in my life for? I respect the power of the slippery slope and I don't think I am immune to it.
When you’re his age you’re gonna look at 24 year olds and be horrified.