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Hello everyone! // Welcome to my world // @Goal Naked 10 Min // #latina #bigass #brunette #pvt #cum [177 tokens remaining]
Date: November 2, 2022
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You are forcibly trying to fix someone for your own ego rather than the person choosing to do that themselves.
i agree with what you are saying and it's a me problem, but why do you think that me trying to 'fix' her is for my own ego, can you explain that?
Honestly, I think it's unrealistic to expect your partner to have no romantic/sexual past, and if you're going through someone's phone, chances are there might be traces of that left, because people don't always remember to delete everything. That is100% on her. Honestly, since it seems like a recent relationship, I am not sure you can recover from this, and having dated someone with BPD for 2.5 years, my honest advice would be to leave, for your own mental health. In my experience, you'll always have to walk on eggshells and now that I am in a healthy relationship, I cannot believe all the crap I put up with, I should have ended things with the guy who had BPD like 2 weeks into it.
If you choose to keep going, I think one thing that could maybe help is couple's therapy.
This man is a bad person. You need to reread what you wrote as an outsider. What if your daughter was dating this man, what would you say? And if you'd lose all of your friends over a divorce, they aren't your friends.
He's not a good person.
It’s not that I’m not accepting her mental health. I just find it frustrating since I’m not a guy she needs to feel anxious with. I was nervous seeing her too for the first time and was worried if she’d like me. But she liked me so I’m not nervous anymore about my appearance.
She’s gorgeous and I’m below average. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Like she doesn’t need to be nervous around me at all. I don’t mean to sound rude it’s just that it was sweet and a bit flattering at first but there’s 0 reason for her to feel this way about me. I’m not anyone to get nervous about.
firstly correlation is not causation so it's not as simple as saying 'stressed mother = autistic child'. No one knows what 'causes' autism.
Agreed, but having a mother who is minimally stressed is probably good on the whole either way so I feel like the stakes are pretty low here in terms of potential harm done. Worst case scenario he makes an effort to make her life easier.
Secondly the neurodiversity movement takes a rather different view to the one you present here. It's neurotypical people who make life very hard for most autistic (and other neurodivergent and/or disabled people). The Deaf liberation movement is also instructive on recognising the diversity of people and different cultures/languages/ways of communicating
I'm aware of the moment and agree with both the goals and the premise, which is why I worded my comment the way I did. It is true that neurotypicals make life more difficult for neurodivergent people, as one myself (I'm not autistic but I do have ADHD) that's a reality I'm intimately familiar with and partly informs my perspective. It is also true that this child will be born into a world where that will continue to be the case for at least some of its life, because we are very far from creating the kinds of changes that would make that no longer a reality. I would love a kid just the same autistic or not, but if there were small, non-invasive, things that I could do to minimize the chances of them having to deal with all of that shit of course I would take them. You want your kid's life to be as easy as possible.
If you read the post you're responding to – he doesn't really care about this, he's looking to get out of his relationship.
Also true, and that's his prerogative. I just think there's a spectrum between “we can do small, easy things to minimize the risk of our kid having to deal with a thing we know will negatively affect their life” and like full on eugenicist “autism is a disease and should be eradicated” and keeping the mother's stress levels down during pregnancy because you read a study that says they're correlated is pretty firmly at the former end of that spectrum I think.
firstly correlation is not causation so it's not as simple as saying 'stressed mother = autistic child'. No one knows what 'causes' autism.
Agreed, but having a mother who is minimally stressed is probably good on the whole either way so I feel like the stakes are pretty low here in terms of potential harm done. Worst case scenario he makes an effort to make her life easier.
Secondly the neurodiversity movement takes a rather different view to the one you present here. It's neurotypical people who make life very hard for most autistic (and other neurodivergent and/or disabled people). The Deaf liberation movement is also instructive on recognising the diversity of people and different cultures/languages/ways of communicating
I'm aware of the moment and agree with both the goals and the premise, which is why I worded my comment the way I did. It is true that neurotypicals make life more difficult for neurodivergent people, as one myself (I'm not autistic but I do have ADHD) that's a reality I'm intimately familiar with and partly informs my perspective. It is also true that this child will be born into a world where that will continue to be the case for at least some of its life, because we are very far from creating the kinds of changes that would make that no longer a reality. I would love a kid just the same autistic or not, but if there were small, non-invasive, things that I could do to minimize the chances of them having to deal with all of that shit of course I would take them. You want your kid's life to be as easy as possible.
If you read the post you're responding to – he doesn't really care about this, he's looking to get out of his relationship.
Also true, and that's his prerogative. I just think there's a spectrum between “we can do small, easy things to minimize the risk of our kid having to deal with a thing we know will negatively affect their life” and like full on eugenicist “autism is a disease and should be eradicated” and keeping the mother's stress levels down during pregnancy because you read a study that says they're correlated is pretty firmly at the former end of that spectrum I think.
you leave him and recommend therapy
I personally wouldn't have put up with that, being drunk is no excuse to cheat, and yes I consider it cheating. Your married life is IMO opinion a loveless and sexless marriage and I also believe that she is a lesbian. Kids or not , I would divorce her and tell her that you are done. You have a right to be loved and be intimate with someone who WANTS to be with you, I would tell her that we are done and I would walk away
Okay he said he’ll see me again so it’s fine!
A good friend would have waited to see if you still wanted it when sober. If you've been friends with someone for years, you can wait to check in the next day.
It sounds like your partner has deeper issues and the smaller things just bring them to light.
It sounds like your partner is overly reliant on you and when you arent there, they dont know how to manage their emotions. Even if it isnt intentional, it's a toxic relationship that actively harms both of you. The more they lean on you, the more emotionally drained you get and then your partner also gets even more dependant on you. Unless it changes, it will probably end up with your partner dragging you down and when you are unable to support them, they will completely crash out.
All we can really suggest is your partner gets therapy.
I know, right? He outed himself by replying too quickly a a few times. Back and forth from “friends” and the. Seconds later the drnk tiping
Sounds like he is a good guy. He is suggesting a short-term solution that makes sense. I would accept it and finish the degree.
Absolutely leave this relationship because he’s going to cheat on you when you get pregnant. There are so many men out there who do not act like this fucking man-baby you’re with. You deserve so much better.