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Musturbation until CUM [GOAL MET]
Date: October 3, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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You're right, this situation does involve a large amount of nuance, and there's no way that a post in a subreddit would be able to show that
Sorry this is happening to you. I would prob have a come to Jesus talk to let her know that her relationship with alcohol is affecting your relationship with her and see if she's willing to admit she has a problem. Maybe record her when she's in the thick of it so she can't deny what is happening. Until she admits she has a problem and it sounds like she does, nothing will change.
Oh, friend. It's hard, this caregivers business. You're carrying so much on your shoulders and seeing what-ifs all around you hurts so much. All those hypotheticals, those dreams of finishing a marathon, hiking together, long walks on the beach, watching your wife carry and birth a life, all crumbling because a stupid illness stole her well-being, and It's so unfair.
Burnout is real. Your desires are legit. Marriage is a complicated covenant. Remember: it's you two versus this illness. Your jobs, both of you, are to find your greatest strengths and wield them with compasion.
Compassion for regular tasks: get her family involved, pass to them a list of medications and an appointment schedule. Provide tangible tasks for them: it will make them feel useful. Hire a deep cleaner once a week/month/few months to take a load off your back. That will help with environmental decluttering.
Compassion for yourself: commit to a physical activity for yourself, that's yours alone. Running, going to the gym, hiking a local trail: something accessible and convenient so you have your space to clear your head. You need grace and a place for your heartache and grief. Finding a local young caregivers group may help, as well as a therapist specialized in medical care giving.
Compassion for her: you love your wife. Regardless of chronic illness right now, a certain amount of this is inevitable. It could have been a car accident, cancer, a heart attack, a slip down the stairs, anything. You just happen to be on an accelerated timeline, and it's frankly unfair. She didn't sign up for her health to deteriorate in this manner, either, and she may be feeling grief, and an identity crisis.
It may be worth spending a night or two per week reminiscing. It will release grief for the two of you, and bring back comforting memories. Emptying sorrow and rinsing with nostalgia may help clarify some pain you both are experiencing. This naturally draws connection: you two expressing vulnerabilities will inevitably lead to healing conversations. You two can watch films about caregiving together or read books/listen to audiobooks together. This can generate conversations outside the physical pain and daily grind.
She can also take new ideas to her therapist, and she may need to find a new one for her as well. This will require commitment from her to find a new approach to health.
Compassion for your marriage: it isn't over, although it can feel like there's no way out. There is, it just looks different. Romancing may be dates at home, with a catered meal and tablecloth and candles and fanciest silverware. Sex may require more tools than what you're used to, more pillows or new vibrators, or softer clothes, depending on pain management. You will cherish those moments if/when her health fails aggressively.
Compassion for the future: adaptation is the key to success. She's being forced to adapt to a new reality, and so must you. Long walks? Guess who's purchasing a walker and the two of you can razzle-dazzle it together. Biking? She gets a motorchair, and you two can go for a leisurely ride. Driving? Maybe her part-time job can be the designated Uber funds and she can be responsible for transportation in a way outside of being a driver.
If she needs physical or occupational therapy, getting a pair of stationary bikes and setting up a projection of a local trail can offer some respite. Going to a pool or local lake can provide relief on joints, and there are plenty of water activities that are lower stress.
It's so hard to be creative, and kind, and resourceful, when both of you are carrying so much.
Remember, though: you aren't alone. You married her, and she married you. She's your partner, too. There are tools for her, and while they feel scary, they can be funny too.
A toy grabber is helpful if your wife can't bend over, and it's funny to poke her in the butt with! Stools can be painted for resting on while washing dishes or folding laundry. Maybe you guys can create a special Spotify playlist for when you're doing chores, as they may take longer than normal.
There are ways to make tedious medical tasks like changing a colostomy bag, or purchasing Depends, or driving to yet another medical appointment, more humane. Sing the Zelda chime when picking up meds, for example, or use your phone to play the Rocky theme when she's working through a PT exercise.
You're right: it isn't the same. But it isn't the end if you truly don't want it to be, and it doesn't mean new dreams can't be formed. You'd be surprised the community and life you can create if you (and the wife) are willing to try. That includes kids, whether it means exploring pregnancy options, fostering, volunteering as a Big Brother/Sister, or even just working in a kids ministry.
Such a lovely relationship, no trust and control issues.
Seriously though, so he doesn't trust you and has a lot of accusations against your character. This is a major red flag. What's next? Don't have male friends? Don't make eye contact just in case?
Dude. The person commenting has literally supported your worries and you're picking a fight? Wow.
Wanting/not wanting kids is a dealbreaker. There cannot be a compromise if both are sure that they want/don’t want kids. Your paths are incompatible.
THIS. The OP
If you have to check a usage report to see if the vacuuming has been done, it probably doesn’t need doing.
That is also weird controlling behaviour.
Yes. Leave while you still can.
…Change his sexuality, you mean? What?
You're not the problem at all. It sucks when another woman flirts with your boyfriend. The only thing to did wrong was blame the wrong person. Your bf did the right thing here. It's the lady that's a problem.