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Eter-And-rosse Public Chat Channel
Date: November 2, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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Exactly why I am asking others for their opinions.
I advocate date for at least 5-6 before marriage
You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped
He is not trying and failing , he is just not trying
There is only so long you should tolerate this because if you want a family and a better future sooner or later you have to look after yourself
Now it may actually take you leaving to inspire him into action and that's the chance you take but this situation is untenable in the long term.
But they are here for good faith advice not for the reddit hive mind to tell them they made a common/tiresome mistake. Threesomes work for some people, but not for OP. I hope he has an open dialog with his girlfriend and honestly tells her how he feels. Maybe couples counseling if finances permit.
Definitely take your time, check in with me yourself, process what happened before committing yourself to continuing the relationship.
If you do continue, for sure make therapy a condition of still being with him. Tell him to find a counselor that is trauma-based/trauma-informed. This will best help him process the sexual abuse he went through prior to y'all's relationship.
As for the peeing…well it makes sense. Having worked in CPS and worked with kids who were molested/sexually abused, this was one of the things we'd look for. I worked with a teenager who, for years, was molstes by her dao, who would tell me she often wet herself/shit herself during the act because it would cause her abuser so much disgust, he'd stop and she'd be safe for a little while.
So, if your BF was triggered during sex and that happened and it was a trauma reaction he couldn't control, it makes sense. Which is why he needs to get into therapy and process and work through it.
i tried getting into a women’s shelter with my last relationship and they wouldn’t take me on the basis of being trans
she definitely said she wanted me to get “screened” for abusive behaviors
Is this even a thing therapists can do? How do you 'screen' somebody for being a shitty person in a short therapy session, when the person who has been intimate with them for 5 years apparently can't tell?
The background check is weird too. What kind of background check is she talking about? Like, a criminal record check? Is she going to get one too?
The background check doesn't seem super onerous to me. But honestly, if a person pulled this on me I would just start to question how rational they are and how well I know them. I probably wouldn't stick around.
This is correct, in my opinion, depending on the disability. I am Autistic, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have kids. My dad is pretty outwardly Autistic, and he’s an amazing dad, so I also have the viewpoint from someone who was raised by an Autistic person.
I hope people don’t think blind or deaf people shouldn’t be parents, that’s pretty messed up.
You gave your word under extreme emotional duress, and because of that, you're allowed to break it. For the sake of your ongoing self respect you cannot allow this person to continue to manipulate you to extract value from you any longer. Say this to her in your message explaining to her that you've cancelled the gym membership, block her and move on.
Okay.
You have two choices.
1 – Cancel the wedding. Refuse to get married to someone who remains friends with a guy you despise. 2 – Develop some backbone. Ban Jack from your life. If your fiancé wants to see him, that is on him and you don't want to know. Once you are married, Jack remains persona non grata and can't visit your home or come anywhere near you. And should Jack violate this rule, stand up for yourself and stop trying to be nice and polite to AHs.
I would pick #2. However, know that #2 comes with the risk that you will forever be battling Jack in your husband's life.
Don't waste anymore time on this AH and move on. Staying and bringing a child into this abusive relationship is wrong, not only for yourself but the innocent child as well. It would be very selfish to bring a child into this disfunctional, toxic, abusive relationship.
This is a case where I would definitely want to hear her side of the story. How much has she been caring for you during this time and how much are you expecting her to care for you postoperatively? Has your severe depression been an emotional burden to her and your relationship?