My guess was that she cheated to some degree, and feels ashamed and broke up to try protecting him. It seems to have taken everyone by surprise as the parents don't know. Normally they get a few nuggets to suggest she isn't as interested.
So my guess, was out with friends, drinking, got into the moment and swept along for the ride. When she finally got out of the fog, realized what she did and had to break up
Four months in, you've not only met but have helped care for his child, you're being brought on as “new mom”. He's definitely telling her to call you that. Honestly, you need to really think about this relationship. I don't think you're looking for the same things he is.
It’s about a fundamental difference in lifestyle expectations.
As soon as you start going down this route instead of “fair or unfair”, you have the future of your relationship in front of you. And that is a tough one, especially/even after eight years. And even more so if you love each other. Coming to the conclusion that your relationship might have run it's course isn't an easy one.
I'm not saying that “fundamental differences” is the wrong way to go, absolutely not. It's just difficult.
The first and biggest red flag was that he was reluctant to have an open marriage because you wanted to sleep with someone else. What the hell did he think an open marriage is?
The problem with many open marriages is that jealousy happens and partners are trying to one up each other. If an open relationship is only about fulfilling your own selfish desires and you cannot enjoy the idea of your partner being satisfied then you are not right for an open relationship.
Any time you do something to get back at your partner or you start thinking “if they get to do it, I get to do it” and that is the main motivation, your intimacy with that person is damaged.
Jealousy is poison. I purged it in myself a long time ago and it changed our relationship forever. Yes, things happened and I was ok with it. She was not always ok with the fact that I was ok but that is another issue. The moment she could tell that I was not ok, she said herself. “This is over, because it can't be just about me.”
You may have dodged a bullet with the whole open marriage thing. Because he does not sound like he should have been in that kind of relationship.
You are going to have to decide what is more important. Him, and the marriage or your current situation. You probably cannot have both. Not happily anyway.
He did start it and he did make the mistake because I do not think he wanted an open relationship for the right reasons. An open relationship should never start with a specific person that someone wants to have sex with because, if you want it to work, no one person or sexual relationship can ever be more important than your primary relationship. Ever. if it is, you don't have a primary relationship or a marriage.
He fucked up and did it wrong, now he has to live with the consequences. The question is can you be in a relationship where your spouse spends every day living with the consequences?
Only you can decide that, unless he decides first.
Good luck. I feel for you, you are in a difficult position.
That's a tough situation you're in. It's definitely not easy to hear that kind of news, but it's good that you're already mentally prepared for the worst. Trust is a big thing in relationships, and it sucks when it's broken. If you both want to work it out, then that's a good first step. It's gonna take time and effort, but it's possible to move forward from this. Maybe consider counseling to help work through your feelings and figure out how to rebuild that trust. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with each other, and to be patient and understanding. Hope everything works out for you guys.
She’s a psycho. All these people saying she is fine and not moving fast. They are also psychos. Don’t listen to the psychos. It’s best to avoid psychos. You’re partner is a psycho. Avoid your partner
What conversation did you have with him about the wedding? Because that will shape what advice I give.
I’ve seen this kind of situation heaps of times on here. 9/10 the wife insisted the husband leave and then gets pissed when he actually does it. It’s fine to regret that and bring it up, but it does mean you need to address how hurt you are a little differently.
Thank you for the advise. That is what I’ve been mulling over for the last 3ish months.
It’s not easy to end a relationship with the love of your life
My guess was that she cheated to some degree, and feels ashamed and broke up to try protecting him. It seems to have taken everyone by surprise as the parents don't know. Normally they get a few nuggets to suggest she isn't as interested.
So my guess, was out with friends, drinking, got into the moment and swept along for the ride. When she finally got out of the fog, realized what she did and had to break up
Four months in, you've not only met but have helped care for his child, you're being brought on as “new mom”. He's definitely telling her to call you that. Honestly, you need to really think about this relationship. I don't think you're looking for the same things he is.
It’s about a fundamental difference in lifestyle expectations.
As soon as you start going down this route instead of “fair or unfair”, you have the future of your relationship in front of you. And that is a tough one, especially/even after eight years. And even more so if you love each other. Coming to the conclusion that your relationship might have run it's course isn't an easy one.
I'm not saying that “fundamental differences” is the wrong way to go, absolutely not. It's just difficult.
You can't get a protective order by telling the judge “he gestured like he might hit me”, I don't think we are getting the whole story here.
The first and biggest red flag was that he was reluctant to have an open marriage because you wanted to sleep with someone else. What the hell did he think an open marriage is?
The problem with many open marriages is that jealousy happens and partners are trying to one up each other. If an open relationship is only about fulfilling your own selfish desires and you cannot enjoy the idea of your partner being satisfied then you are not right for an open relationship.
Any time you do something to get back at your partner or you start thinking “if they get to do it, I get to do it” and that is the main motivation, your intimacy with that person is damaged.
Jealousy is poison. I purged it in myself a long time ago and it changed our relationship forever. Yes, things happened and I was ok with it. She was not always ok with the fact that I was ok but that is another issue. The moment she could tell that I was not ok, she said herself. “This is over, because it can't be just about me.”
You may have dodged a bullet with the whole open marriage thing. Because he does not sound like he should have been in that kind of relationship.
You are going to have to decide what is more important. Him, and the marriage or your current situation. You probably cannot have both. Not happily anyway.
He did start it and he did make the mistake because I do not think he wanted an open relationship for the right reasons. An open relationship should never start with a specific person that someone wants to have sex with because, if you want it to work, no one person or sexual relationship can ever be more important than your primary relationship. Ever. if it is, you don't have a primary relationship or a marriage.
He fucked up and did it wrong, now he has to live with the consequences. The question is can you be in a relationship where your spouse spends every day living with the consequences?
Only you can decide that, unless he decides first.
Good luck. I feel for you, you are in a difficult position.
they didn't have sex. But it clearly went beyond just kissing.
I think you need to find out what happened exactly to see how passive/active your bf was in this encounter. Ask them both.
That's a tough situation you're in. It's definitely not easy to hear that kind of news, but it's good that you're already mentally prepared for the worst. Trust is a big thing in relationships, and it sucks when it's broken. If you both want to work it out, then that's a good first step. It's gonna take time and effort, but it's possible to move forward from this. Maybe consider counseling to help work through your feelings and figure out how to rebuild that trust. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with each other, and to be patient and understanding. Hope everything works out for you guys.
Im an idiot. Thought u were actually asking.
You’re like that character in got. ‘I want her to know it was me.’
She’s a psycho. All these people saying she is fine and not moving fast. They are also psychos. Don’t listen to the psychos. It’s best to avoid psychos. You’re partner is a psycho. Avoid your partner
you don’t. find a new boyfriend
What conversation did you have with him about the wedding? Because that will shape what advice I give.
I’ve seen this kind of situation heaps of times on here. 9/10 the wife insisted the husband leave and then gets pissed when he actually does it. It’s fine to regret that and bring it up, but it does mean you need to address how hurt you are a little differently.