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  1. You never asked what he was looking for.

    From a guy’s point of view, he may be probing to see where this relationship is headed. Giving you opportunities to engage or bail.

    You may just want a warm breathing dildo but it looks like he might be expecting something more. You should either talk it out or move on.

  2. Nothing is impossible, but remind yourself that everything is possible …. Life can put us down but definitely we will stand up stronger later … try to pray and meditate, and try not to look back too much to the past , the more you look back the more you’ll hurt your neck , you know what I am saying ?

  3. If one of my parents cheated on the other….I wouldn't have to be given an ultimatum. I'd cut out the person that betrayed the family. No brianer.

  4. Luckily the wedding will happen and then be over, and those financial ties will go away.

    You realize the wedding is going to be brutal, right? That because they're paying and they don't see you or your fiance as real people with agency, they will see it as their party at which they can behave however they want?

    Have you guys discussed eloping? At least then it would actually be about the two of you.

  5. She continually asks me for help and I do always do it without a second thought.

    Even after the breakup? Stop fucking doing that. Leave this fucked up woman alone, she'll encounter the police soon enough.

  6. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    Husband [39M] and I [29F] had a discussion about the differences between raising a son and a daughter, and I need advice!

    As the title says, husband and I had a discussion last night about our beliefs on how to raise our children, and now I’m curious to know what other people think (parents and non-parents).

    Background info: We began dating while he was my high school teacher 12 years ago. We have 2 kids, one boy (4m) one girl (2f).

    So last night we were talking about the differences between how we will raise our two children. I don’t remember the exact details at all, but it went something like this:

    Husband: our daughter needs to know she needs to look good and keep up her appearance because men are wired scientifically to look for a woman who has good looks and can be a good mom and have his kids, and her looks are the most important thing to a man.

    Me: wait, women look at looks too! So does our son, need to worry about his looks too?

    Husband: no, women look more at how much money a man has and how well he can provide and protect her and her future children.

    Me: well I think our daughter and our son should find someone they love for their personality and beliefs, and not solely looks and money. Not all people think that way so it’s not REQUIRED that our kids grow up thinking that way.

    Husband: this is reality and evolution. No matter what your feelings are about it, these are facts.

    Me: ok well I want our daughter to marry a man who has evolved past having a monkey brain and can appreciate a woman for more than her looks.

    Husband: that’s not reality

    Another convo:

    Me: I want our daughter to know it’s ok to pursue a career and not worry about impressing men and being married with kids until way later, IF that’s what she chooses.

    Husband: if we’re being realistic, there is an issue for women who decide to solely focus on a career and then at age 30 decide “oh no! I didn’t find a spouse and was too busy working on what I wanted to do professionally and recreationally without being tied down or worried about settling down yet. Now it’s too late/I’m going to have an almost impossible time finding a mate and settling down and having kids because my eggs are at the age of being geriatric!”

    Me: so our son doesn’t have to worry about it? He can just grow his career, live the happy single life, focus on himself. And then at age whatever (40,50, etc) he can decide to find a wife to start a family and have no issues?

    Husband: yes, the man is the one who CHOOSES his wife, so he’s looking for a young women who can have babies, not an older women. These older women are not going to get chosen by the available men, and they’re going to be upset about it like they couldn’t have prevented this. This is completely normal, this is what most people do, and have done for all of time, and any other examples you have are just little off shoot stories that don’t apply to a large majority of the world, and we don’t need to waste our time raising our kids for those unlikely possibilities (I suggested that maybe two business professionals meet at work at the age of 40 and they love each other because they have a ton in common and are now ready to start a family).

    Me: so all the man is looking for is literally a young body to put a baby into and continue his bloodline. No love? No common interests? Etc?

    Husband: no it’s both obviously. But the first thing a man notices is obviously a woman’s looks. And if she’s old and doesn’t have fertile eggs and he wants to have babies, he’s going to choose someone else. So our daughter would be out of luck.

    Me: I think I’d prefer our kids to BOTH find someone who they actually love and not someone who focuses mostly on their looks or money. I especially don’t want our daughter to feel like her looks are the most important thing, and ESPECIALLY that a man’s approval is something she should ever strive for. I don’t think she should live with the hopes that a man will choose her. I think that’s really toxic and gross and we’ve grown as a human race to be better than all of that.

    Husband: looks at me with pity, pats my head, gives me a hug “oh bless your heart, we really need to get you into therapy.”

    Note: every time I say I don’t want my daughter being a piece of meat and I want her to be respected, loved and noticed for her personality and kindness, he says that I need to schedule therapy and I need help because what I’m saying is sad and wrong.

    Granted, I’ve had an issues my whole life with men sexualizing me, from a very young age. I grew up with no steady male role model, and with the belief that I needed attention and approval from men, starting at a very young age. Now that I’m older and have had time to read about things and grow my own confidence and self-worth, we’ve been having disagreements on this topic and lots of suggestions for therapy.

    If you’ve read this far, thank you so much. Please leave your thoughts below. I’m going to share this post with my husband so that we can discuss it together. Thanks again!

  7. This is a very easy solve, OP. It just takes a bit of tweaking about “tradition”.

    Make the whole church for you both. Have the ushers guide people to sit on alternate sides of the isle, back and forth.

    It would also be nice if you could speak with your close family and ask them to “pass the word” that your fiance has very little family and you would appreciate it if they could help “fill out” the pews on her side.

    People can be amazingly kind and helpful in this kind of situation. Especially, if they love your bride.

  8. Then you don't need him you need to see a therapist or counselor for help. There are clearly bigger issues here than you cheating. If not having him in your life makes you want to die, you're the one with the problem and need help.

    What you did was shitty but everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself and seek help before you reach out to him again.

  9. OP, how old is your son and did these behaviors worsen after his birth, or were they always there low-level in the background? While I want to emphasize that these behaviors are NOT OKAY, to me this has whispers of untreated PPD over an extremely long period of time.

  10. Yeah, if dude will drop a 17 year friendship for a new one-month girlfriend, he deserves neither the friendship nor the girlfriend.

  11. Time to wake up. Dude doesn't give a fuck. He's selfish.

    End it. Find someone else who is actually invested in you.

  12. People are being realistic, not pessimistic. Yes, you can continue living and be happy, but there are many things to consider for that to occur. A 24 yr old girl susceptible to manipulative parents, who can be forced by her fiance to decide in 1 month about a rather scary future with him is not the partner that will be emotionally equipped to handle the things to come. You don't get to force her to agree to be your caretaker in 20 years and possibly forgo having children because you want her to blindly pledge allegiance to you. That decision should come after much needed therapy and counseling. Give her time to fully understand what she's committing to. Pushing marriage when things are so unsettled seems as though you are trying to secure a caretaker.

  13. I think this might not be a 100% legit post, but I would like to make a point, assuming it is —

    You owe your ex an apology for your extreme reaction. She may also owe you an apology for misleading you all this time. She also didn't really have any right to tell your family all about it.

    That said, you have zero obligation to get back together with her. You don't have to date someone you don't want to date.

  14. You know the answer to this. “I’m sorry, I need to break up with you. I entered a monogamous relationship with you and I’ve realized this is not what I want. I want to be non-manogamous. We both should be with people of similar minds on such a huge aspect of a relationship “.

  15. Everyone misunderstood me, I put the responsibility on Mary when she came of age. Read my post carefully. In addition, modern children are very developed and they perfectly understand what they are doing, they know about sexual relations, about sex from a fairly early age. It cannot be said that she was raped, this is not in the AP's post. And most likely, 15 years is already the age of consent. If not, it would have been possible to bring the OP's father to court, but no one did. Of course, she didn't promise the OP's father's wife that she wouldn't fuck her husband behind his back. This is a very general question, to what extent are APs guilty of affairs at all. Okay, I won't say anything further, otherwise they will ban me without even trying to think about what I'm writing about.

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