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Date: November 1, 2022
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He is not decent and loving, he is using decent and loving behaviour to convince you that overall he is, but at the end of the day you are in an abusive relationship. The financial control would fall within coercive control domestic abuse laws in a lot of jurisdictions, as is controlling food and cooking.
You need to set up your bank account for your wages, you need to file a police report for domestic abuse, and you need to find a way to leave him safely. Police may be able to help, but also women's shelters and domestic abuse helplines.
Take help from your family if it is safe to do so.
Good luck, and be safe.
that’s sort of where i’m at right now. I wanna keep a relationship intact incase there’s a chance of us getting back together. Thank you for your advice
it is pretty problematic. biologically she is barely and adult and her brain hasn't stopped developing and she hasn't figured a lot out for herself, he has, his brain is no longer developing and there's an imbalance there. if it was 26 and 31 or even 24 and 29 it's not bad, but at her stage it is.
Block his number he’s an immature twat
Also true.
As a 28 yr female, my husband loves film and I understand. In order for the joy of the watching the anime to be there, the mutual understanding of why it isn’t enjoyable in some aspects also has to be there. Like no thanksgiving turkey for me unless I say fuck Christopher Columbus??
Jew here, go tell his dad about the liberal movement. You don’t need to convert, if your kids are raised Jewish (circumcise them at 8 days lol not 25) and do at least their bar/bar-mitzvah they will be considered Jewish (even more so that their mom will be Jewish). You becoming Jewish would only be “extra” and I guess would make the dad more comfortable but that’s pretty much it. And the circumcision lol
It’s pretty normal to want to ask someone if they want to marry hypothetically in the future or if they want kids eventually. If marriage or kids is important to someone, they want to know if this partner would have that as a common goal for the future if things work out.
Are you somehow thinking these conversations are too pushy?
Nah fam, the thing about ”wife” or ”husband” material is that it depends on the eye of the beholder. The stereotypical wifey is one who cooks and cleans and does all the other chores, takes care of the kids yadda yadda yadda. Some people view this as ”wife material”. However, I’d say this is a very outdated view of how a wife SHOULD be – not all wives are like this and many don’t want to be like it. So if someone tells you you’re not wife material, just ignore that person. They’re most likely trying to provoke you or try to make you feel bad for not being ”feminine” enough.
The best way to be wife material (like any spouse material really) is to just be a good partner – learn how to communicate, empathise and be there for your partner. You will find your audience who like you for you, not for you being a token or a feminine house slave. You’re a person and for the right people you are wife material by just being yourself.
Don't. Fix. It. Your bio family are vultures, who don't add anything positive to your life, so why bother fixing it? Shut the door on that chapter and focus your energy on.the family that does support you. If yiuh can, gather the energy to list your mums belongings for sale to get as much as you can, then donate/throw away everything else.
As a woman, it sounds like just a friend. Idk about you, but I usually hand out and laugh with friends, and I spent time with them (even more if I go to the gym with them).
Texting a friend and teasing them with light punches is something very normal and common. Have you ever had a female friend before? Maybe you struggle with this cuz you haven't had this before and doesn't seem as normal.
Either way, she has a bf, even if she liked you (and again, it doesn't seem like it) you shouldn't do anything unless they break up.
If she takes life advice from tik tok, you didn't just dodge a bullet but a machine gun burst. If the Tik Tok was stupid, how dumb & easily swayed does that make her. Keep idiots like this out of your, you will be better off.
I honestly think that they're not over each other. They're using the business as an excuse to maintain contact with each other. I get being empathetic and not wanting to hurt someone but in my opinion, he cares way too much about hurting her to be over her as he claims he is. He's not over her and she's not over him. It's not fair to drag his fiance through this. It's clear to me that he only got with his fiance because he wanted to have a child. In fact, he admitted to already being in a relationship with his fiance before the divorce was even finalized.
She’s already set things into motion for the child. Finding a lawyer takes one phone call.
You’re just jealous
No offense but your BF sounds like one of those psychopath stalker guys you read about on the news. Sounds like someone who is gaslighting you into thinking you’re the problem in the relationship to divert attention away from his controlling and honestly scary behavior.
Not to mention…any self respecting woman born in this century would RUN if a man suggested she cook and clean for him. So, OP, run!!!
Well I mean it’s not a dealbreaker if he never owned up to what he was doing. Already the foundation of the relationship was built on shit and you turning around and doing the same just added more shit.
Maybe consider being single and figure out your dealbreakers and how you shouldn’t put yourself in these kinds of relationships?
Not really sure the advice you are looking for. I am on team dump him and you are headed that way.
Adding to the chorus: this title is super misleading because your sister did not sleep with your husband. Your husband raped your blackout drunk sister. If she couldn’t even walk, she was far too drunk to consent. Like if she were going to “sleep with your husband,” why would it be happening on the dining room floor with you right upstairs? No. He raped her.
As others have said, I’m worried this wasn’t the first time, either. He could have his MO down pat and just happened to get caught this time.
Go to your sister. Talk to her. Maybe help her seek alcohol treatment, but also find out if she possibly remembers a time this could have happened before.
And oh yeah dump your lying rapist husband.
I'm not exactly sure what you need advice about. You know what you want/need to do. So just do it. I disagree with breaking up through text, because it shows no respect for the other person. However, he disrespected you long ago by cheating… so do it. You should have never stayed with him after he cheated, and like most relationships where someone cheats, it was doomed to fail. Now you can finally move on like you should have 6 months ago.
I agree that likely nothing would happen, but it is good to have this kind of thing on record in the event she needs to file a restraining order in the future
Use your words! “Hey sis, that would be lovely but i can't afford go pick up the check, so make it clear everyone will pay for their own.”. If she doesn't get this, she's just using you.
Now that's easy!
YOU invite people you would like to entertain on dinner and pay the bill for.
Just not HER anymore.
And if she asks or pouts, tell her: “Honey, when paying the bill I like to chose whom I invite.”
Just look at my reply either in my comments history or below in this thread to the other guy. A) she fucked up. B) Drunk isn't a solid excuse. She fucked up and even SHE knows she fucked up. C) Refer to paragraphs of how she fucked up.
You literally wrote he should respond that they are friends and should stay that way ?
Dropping her as a friend in word and deed is not being a ‘d!ck’ to her. It’s being real with her and declaring his boundaries. He shouldn’t even pretend to be friends with this cretin. 19 or no, she showed herself as a disloyal, disrespectful, and trashy person, amongst other things. He should cut her clean and if his friends don’t like it, OH WELL they’re trashy too and he should make new friends with decent people.
It stems from a grand conspiracy that basically states that Jews run the world and always have. Open your mind a little and you can see the truths and where people have taken it too far. There’s always a grain of truth in the big ones.
Maybe think about what she is feeling… please stop calling her names.
Sexual relationship is also bad with that age gap.
Well you certainly won’t have any kind of equality if you do this. You can expect to now have only a portion of whatever emotional and physical relationship you had before and it only gets worse if there are multiple partners. Plus you are the one partner she has that has all the baggage of. A normal relationship and household meaning you will not be the “fun” one so she will find even more reason to see the other partners. Holy fuck man !
Im sorry but WHAT ON EARTH. They guy is controlling of what you do and what you wear, stonewalls you then breadcrumbs you with good morning messages, only contacts you when it suits him and leaves you guessing for the rest, and you STILL want to try to make things work? Make what work? He’s a walking red flag.
He’s not.
2005???
I know but I have become really attached to him. Besides I have little to no self confidence and struggle with depression… It was really hard for me to let this guy in and I don't want to have to start from scratch
Ok, Pep talk time!!! You are WORTHY!!! Of a BETTER MAN!!! Repeat that!!! He is NOT worthy of YOU! Look what he just did. He proved it. He KNOWS you’re struggling with all of this, especially now that he knows and he’s going to do WHATEVER HE CAN TO KEEP YOU ON THE HOOK!!!
The next time he shows up, tell him he better have your stuff (luggage, etc) you’re making the decisions now. You’re keeping the cat, give you the key, find a roommate, move, do whatever you have to do, but take charge, but when you do, make sure it’s to end it. He’s already shown you who he is. You can’t “help or save him.” All you can do is turn your back on him. And girl, I KNOW it hurts, but the quicker you do it, the sooner you will heal!
You have to do this like ripping off a band aid. Make it quick, it’s less painful. Trust me. When he’s not there to remind you of his presence, it WILL FADE AWAY!!!
He says his wife has never had an issue like this before, so why not try to alleviate her fears?
Because those fears are unreasonable and create an unreasonable obstacle in his workplace. A marriage involves doing some things that we might think unnecessary, sure, but that doesn't mean you abide every single ridiculous request; if you do that, you will lose your sense of self as your partner effectively takes over your life.
Sometimes in a marriage, you need to put your foot down and tell your partner they are being unreasonable.
As much as I would love to dump his belongings on his yard he will see me as “overreacting and crazy”. I in no way want to make this easy for him and the other women.. it’s unfair how I am suffering and they live happily ever after
Yes I’m not saying anything anymore to him