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Cat_DeCosta, 33 y.o.
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Date: November 2, 2022
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Yes, I understand. But just using it as an analogy
Also I love a Big Mac but if I see a filet mignon I get excited.
Sorry I may have framed it incorrectly. I really do feel empathetic on the inside, but on the outside I have no idea how to respond. I care for this person and often try to find ways to improve her life
I think the term here is called monkey branched, you are plan B until she finds a better replacement. It may be better for you if you just, as they say rip the band-aid off.
My mom made me feel the way that you describe feeling – like at any moment something I did was going to have been catastrophically wrong, and I could never predict when or where or what or why. It took me years of therapy, but I can look back now and call it what it was: abuse. When I cut her out of my life I was shocked at how much lighter and happier I felt.
From what you recount, I have a really hard time believing that he's engaging in good faith and this is some accidental misunderstanding or something that can be resolved if he just gets better at communication.
he doesn't believe that you love him and you're trying? Why is he with you? he's keeping it a secret? Yeah, he doesn't want you talking about this with anyone because he knows they'll tell you what we're telling you. He knows that “outside judgement” won't go his way. he says it's your fault that he bottles things up even though you encourage him not to. How does that work? That's just an emotional version of “if you didn't burn dinner I wouldn't have hit you.” he can't trust you not to start doing a thing you don't do. If true, sounds like a him problem, girl.
If anything I think you're under-reacting. It doesn't have to be like this, I promise. You deserve a loving, respectful relationship, and I don't think you'll get it from this guy.
That's not accountability bc you didn't do it with your boyfriends. We can't hold you accountable bc we don't know you. This has to be a troll.