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Room for online sex video chat bigbuttbrooklyn
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Date: October 9, 2022
Crazy situation
I'd say don't risk telling him ngl. He seems like he'd get dangerous no matter the way he found out and if op tells him preemptively he might find a “nice & loving” way to convince her that having no access to money is a good thing for her. And via that also cut her access off to her family.
I didn’t complement my girl the first 3 months of us dating. She was very very upset over it the entire time and has brought it up to me many times how insecure it makes her and if I’m attracted to her..
Being from that perspective let me tell you, he finds you attractive as fuck, he doesn’t want to boost your ego because you should know how attractive you are. I understand you want to hear it from him, but that’s not how men think. Yes he should say things to help you be happy, he’s being forgetful and dumb
I see this explanation makes sense to me. So you don’t mind not having that friend or best friend feeling or it’s there but only because you two are a couple?
He is sucking the life out of you. I’m so sorry. I’d go with an ultimatum: remind him you’re not his servant, nor a prostitute, and you will not stand for being belittled or talked down to. You expect him to clean and make dinner for you and share all household tasks like a normal human. If he can’t oblige you’re out.
You sound like you don’t want to breakup you love her but you feel pressure that the relationship is going super fast due to the circumstances. I’ll say give time and see how things would developed
I asked a guy our and dated him for 3 months, then I broke up with him bc he was being too much of a puppy dog and never showing me what he actually wanted. We were then friends for 6 months, and during that time he didn’t care as much what I thought of him bc he was pissed at me. Then I asked him out again. He thought about it for a few days, including asking me what changed, and I explained that, so he said yes. We’ve now been together 20 years.
I try to view these things from the perspective of giving advice without telling people what to do. I just want to point out that your partner seems unloving, doesn't contribute equally, and has a problem owning up to their part in conflict. This seems like it would be awful to live with and if talking doesn't get you anywhere I think you might want to think about whether you would be happier in the relationship or out of it. Therapy can be an option but not everyone can afford it and I don't know if your partner would do it.
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Not everyone needs to change themselves to make you feel better, either. If you don't appreciate your girlfriend for who she is, then let her go.
You’ve talked many times, but you need to talk again.
This time tell her that if she doesn’t make a change from her end, that you will reflect her energy, and show her the love, or lack of it she is currently showing you.
Then you stop doing anything that is for her.
Still help around the home, as it’s your space as well, and still help with the kids, as they are yours as well.
But nothing for her, no gifts, if she asks for help or assistance with anything, unless it benefits you, the answer is no.
Why can't you ignore it? What does it have to do with you?
I think if you are going to talk to her about it, you should understand why it hurts you. If it's because you feel like only you should see her body, that's important for her to know.
Is it a deal breaker for you? or just something that makes you uncomfortable?
She may, or may not react positively. She may break up with you. Are you prepared for this?
She thought she was being supportive.
Then she is dumber than a sack of nickels.
My SO is overweight. If she came to me and said, “If I save up enough money, I'm thinking about getting liposuction” and I started laughing in her face and responded with, “Its about time you sucked some lard out of your fat ass. The first time I saw you naked on the bed I thought it was a beached whale!”
So if you read that, would your response be, “Well I'm sure you just thought you were being supportive”?
I think you both should have a big talk about your sexual interests (past, present and future). Specifically how she feels about non-monogamy (e.g. is a threesome related to that).
The aim would be for both of you to completely understand what's expected from this relationship. Where the boundaries are.
Perhaps you might find that you're open to some things (not saying sharing etc), but you should also be prepared that it might make her realise she wants more. Good luck.
Hmm perhaps, but it is certainly not on OP.
Yes. I plan to do this today.
How many boundaries does he have to violate before you recognize that he simply doesn't care as much about your feelings as he does for this relationship?
Why do you want to stay with this person? In the last year, what has he done to create intimacy with you? When has he sacrificed something for your comfort? In what ways has he, as a partner, looked out for you?
I'm reading this and it sounds like he works and spends the rest of his time on a gaming system, having an emotional affair.
As for the woman, it's really clear that she is doing this for male attention. Hanging over any man that comes along. Your husband, another dude. I wonder if your sister told the husband that she thinks you might divorce over this soon if he'd even feel a smidge of threat if your husband were single? Methinks, his wife does this all the time and he no longer protests because it's “who she is.” I would honestly put it out there (if you start considering it seriously) to see what happens.
Are you sure he really wants a job? What you are describing is all very basic common sense. It tells me that even if he gets a job that he will likely sabotage it. He’s 32. 32. Unless he’s got mental health issues then he doesn’t want a job. I wouldn’t create a life with him unless you are willing to be the sole financial supporter. You sound as if you have your stuff together and are dating someone who really doesn’t. Is that what you want? Internet mom here. He’s unlikely to change at his age.
Ah ok, I understand. I do believe her but it’s just so hard to accept that it happened, especially with people that were close to me. Thanks, I feel more confident in my choice. I will cut him off.
What should you do?? You should move on with your life. Nothing you do will make her love you and she clearly has no love left for you anymore.
Was she remorseful the first time or the second time that some study-buddy dude fucked her brains out?
Why is that a problem for me? Just curious.
I believe a lot of it has to do with the economy. I wouldn’t have had my daughter if we weren’t very well off. I was always on the fence but prepared to not have a kid because of finances. That changed and we love our kid but I always tell friends the truth about children. It’s hard having a kid in terms of finance and the challenges of parenting. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting kids – you have to really want kids in these times.
If you're not physically attracted to her, then you're not physically attracted to her. It's fine not be into someone because of their weight. People have sexual expectations in relationships and things are not really gonna work if from the out-set you're making yourself have sex with someone (or simply using them as a means to vent horniness) rather than having sex with them because you're attracted to them on all levels.
Go to the doctor and find out if you’re pregnant right now
If you are, get an abortion.
If you don’t want one, catalogue and save all of these texts and talk to a lawyer immediately about full custody and child support
You will be divorced in less than two years or your wife will cheat on you or you will fold and let her fuck other people. There is no good outcome if you are not on board with an open marriage of any kind. If you don’t have any kids, I would start the divorce process already.
There’s obviously way more to your relationship with your stepdad than you’ve typed up here. It’s impossible to really get advice on navigating this correctly, but I would say that this is a necessary boundary. This situation is weird and reeks of misogyny.
Some parts of this relationship I enjoy. But I’m starting to think if I am the problem and I’m the one who causes problems. I’m not sure what to think about things. I feel somewhat scared inside.
seeing your kid as a child naked from caring for them would be WAY different to seeing porn of them as an adult
Why are you sending him messages?
Just stop acknowledging his existence and move on.
I would reevaluate this relationship.
So basically he doesn't care if you struggle to make ends meet, so he doesn't give a damn about your well being. Do with that information what you want to, the facts are there.
Are you sure he isn't married?
Not really, if they’re being safe and she gets tested regularly then she isn’t obligated to tell him anything. They weren’t exclusive, which mean they weren’t committed in any way and don’t owe each other anything.
She is on birth control though
My God, do NOT have a baby with this woman!
Question from an European here. What do people do during the dating phase ? Do they display affection in public ? Do they have sex? It’s so mysterious for me (we don’t have that kind of culture I guess)
OP, I want to address something since everybody else here already covered the issue with your wife. Is there a way for you to contact old friends and maybe rekindle some friendships? It's nice that you are so committed to your family, and I know that life can be stressful sometimes with work and stuff. But you have to have another outlet in your life. People you can talk to. A support system or at least people you could casually hang out with from time to time. It's important to have more than one (adult) person you can rely on, especially if things with your wife could go south.
I don't mean to shame you here or make you feel bad or anything. Just trying to give you a little nudge. Friendships are important. I'm sure if you contacted some old friends they would be happy to hear from you. You might not want to mention the stuff with your wife then. But meeting up with people you like and care about just to clear your head a little could be very therapeutic. Even if it's just for a beer to catch up a little.
Ok so it doesn’t logically make sense but it’s typically more immature men who don’t want full commitment, they fear that taking someone’s virginity will tie them to that person forever almost like saying “i do” when you get married, it’s weird and illogical but that’s part of the reasoning. Most people grow out of this line of thought.
Interestingly throughout that whole post I didn't see on mention of him admitting what he'd done or even apologising. Just a lot of excuses.
Run….far and as fast as you can from this person. This screams psycho and it absolutely, 100% WILL NOT get better if you marry this man. It will most certainly get worse.
I think it’s fair to recognize that these conversations might start happening a little quicker the older you get. Y’all are in your thirties now. There are going to be some people who decide that they don’t still want to be in the dating pool much longer and might be more to the point when they meet someone.
Choose your hard. That's the thing about being an adult, you can't have every situation you want.
Ride this out. Let him go. Let this be the (one of many) test of your relationship. If he does come back with different feelings for you, or doesn't respect your boundary, he wasn't the one, then you move on. Or he'll come back, with nothing but great love and appreciation for you and your relationship is stronger than before.
Quit your job, go with him. Come back jobless, no money, and never knowing if he'd respect your boundary.
Force him not to go, have him resent you in the long run and break up. He starts dating the other girl (maybe), and you'll forever be the insecure, controlling ex- gf.
Again, decide which hard you can live with.
People are angry at OP because he won't take Western First World advice to a complicated “traditionalist” problem.
Him being defiant and rejecting the marriage would be the same as rejecting his father, who while living is the current “man of the house”.
I get perceptions will be “who cares”, “you do you”, “do what you want” and “get out of there.”
Depending on how this plays out he could end up alienated or alone family-wise based on how compliant he is, especially as based on his comments, his extended family all agree with this match so in their minds there's no reason for him to refuse.
Sure, there may be problems this girl is going through, which reflects on how she looks and her weight right now, but it makes me laugh that just because he was blunt about what he thought of her that that a bunch of people now saw her as a victim and resorted to insulting OP based on how he must not be a catch either or that he must suck as a physician.
Even as physicians you're not meant to just sit there and make guesses on what's wrong with people when you're neither fully qualified (he's still in school), and/or have not actually examined them yourself or given them a medical/consultation. It's like people who take psych/counselling courses/degrees, and all of a sudden, every friend and encounter they have with someone is now subject to examination and comparison against the DSM. (Personally knew someone who had a BA in counselling who did this and couldn't STOP analysing or “diagnosing” people based on things that happened in social situations and it was toxic af.) If by clinical standards she's obese (which isn't a hard thing to gauge just by seeing as obese is a different league from overweight) then facts are facts. That's speaking as someone who's been heavier most of my life, it's not like I've never been conscious of how different I feel I look compared to my “skinny friends” for example. It's not a nice word for people because in the West we're hot on body positivity and how everyone can be loved no matter who they are but as a he's a 22y/o young man how are people acting so shocked that in his early 20s his mindset is that if he be married off- at least let her be attractive. And by attractive I'm not even talking sports illustrated, it might be the fact that she's so young and happy to let herself go which is unattractive to him,
He doesn't even want the marriage and people are trying to advise him on going out of his way to figure out this girl's problem and support her through whatever journey it is she's going through.
He's not living in the US or any other similar privileged country that facilitates loans, many scholarships per school, or a job that could give you adequate wages to save and use towards medical school. He'd be lucky to get enough money to survive and keep a roof over his head, especially if he gets disowned for embarrassing his dad with his long time friend.
The standards that we are used to in First World countries does not apply to somewhere like India. Scholarships are seen as resources for the underprivileged for the US, but in other countries, to get one, you need to be the main character of an anime, or you're not getting shit.
I get why OP is feeling anxious and rejecting advice because none of the advice is about what he asked about. He asked how to deal with his dad and people are trying to tell him how to best deal with a shit sandwich, or at least stomach eating it. The suggestions to just stick it out until he gets his degree then just go abroad to get divorce is scary advice because from point A to B is a good few years and in our current global situation ANYTHING can happen, like a forced lockdown and bans from leaving the country considering its already happened to us before, recently.
It's a huge, lifechanging decision, and I know for a good few of us we're happy to cut off family members like a diseased limb if they don't match up with our current beliefs/lifestyles but for some people the idea of causing distress or conflict within their family is scarier because they don't wanna lose them because not ALL of them may be uncaring of OP, but they act as a “family”(unit) when it comes to agreeing that this is something OP should do.
Again he is 22 in a society where arranged marriages is normal, and respecting your family/elders is expected. We aren't even to know if this is this guy has even had a history of defying his elders before- this might be the first time he's really ever felt like he REALLY has to put his foot down which would make his uncertainty to the responses make a lot more sense to me.
OP, I cannot really advise you on how to approach your father as I'm first generation British-Oriental, meaning I was lucky enough to grow up with the options of loving who I want and doing what I want, but my parents were immigrants and they were very old school and pretty hardcore when it came to what they expected from their kids, and my dad towards my sisters in relation to dating (but that only resulted in them dating in secret tbh) and I'm the black sheep of the family who got kicked out and disowned, but in my case I didn't care as much because I wanted to be as far away from my family as possible.
I imagine it's really hard to face a decision that'll potentially set you up for a specific course for the next however many years of your life but if you can at least calm down and look over the options and resources some people are giving you, you may find a way out that doesn't involve marrying this girl by using resources available to you overseas.
As much as I don't like how some people have approached responding to OP, some of them are right. You have only a few options in your situation.
Marry this girl with the understanding that its out of convenience and you plan on going overseas in the future and divorcing. I don't think if you involve yourself with this woman that you should go into all the reasons why you're not attracted to her or see her as a life-mate, but I do believe the decent thing would be to let her know that for you, this is not the life you want. Look into the resources available to you as a potentially international student. You're concerned that you wouldn't be able to get the money to sustain yourself with a blue-collar job where you are, but there's plenty of people who work service/hospitality jobs in London to help with expenses while they study at university. Obviously not all of them are trying to be physicians, but the point is, if you're at least financially literate, you can make going somewhere new work.
The main question is what do you want your relationship with your family to look like? How do you feel about them? Would it deeply affect you if your parents and/or relatives are upset with you or not? I know a lot of people would just tell you to say fuck it and follow your dreams but some people have genuine fears of completely being alone and starting over with no support network, and some people are genuinely excited by the possibilities.
You need counseling
He didn’t cheat on you? You are already in the side chick home wrecker corner, he cheated twice on his wife. Please get over yourself that you were special. He just runs a good game and probably has had others. And if you feel hurt imagine how his wife feels being actually married to this scum bag. You get no sympathy just karma biting you
i'm comfortable with my current bf and i'm afraid that i'm making a wrong choice. i don't want to hurt him yet i feel like i'm being unfair to myself. i'm not truly satisfied with what i have at the moment..
hmm okay thank you so much, i’m just nervous to talk to him about it because i just have this knawing feeling that it won’t go well, but i feel like it definitely has to be done nonetheless :/
How long have you been together?