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Hey u like big boobs? come with me and enjoy!!!!
Date: October 4, 2022
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We have a 5-2-5-2 arrangement. Basically he has our son M-W, and I have him W-F, and we alternate weekends.
We both have attorneys, but I’m trying to keep costs down, since I’m trying to save for a house.
Plus, I’m an attorney myself. My ex does not meet the legal definition of an unfit parent. Fighting about custody or petitioning for full custody would simply be a waste of time and money.
I’m looking for advice here regarding the relationship.
Just focus on yourself king.
Yeah. Crazy how coming this is. Did any of them admit they were addicted? I’m also an attractive woman who works out so while know this doesn’t matter per say, it adds to the ridiculousness.
Your boyfriend idea of healthy just from the tone of conversation you have mentioned, sounds like he would thinks models are healthy when they aren't. For your height and weight it's within the proper ranges and a medical professional would agree, even if you carry weight in weird spots you are textbook definition of healthy weight range.
Stress causes many extreme emotions, which sounds like the case for him. Do you feel like he may feel stressed trying to meet his works needs and your needs? You could try just letting him know that you support him and if he wants to talk that you are there for him. I wouldn't say it's over, just sounds like he is overwhelmed
Well before jumping to conclusions, you could just talk to her about it. Ask her.
I'm not pretty enough to have a lot of Tinder matches though and guys in real life don't really pay that much attention to me.
I also work online all day and don't have lots of chances to meet people.
Coupled with that, I'm also extremely picky about guys and this guy was “not hideous” and also tall which was what I'm desperately searching to find.
I'm kind of ashamed of myself in hindsight. also here is the full story if you're interested. this guy tracked me down on IG so I took it as interest but really I should have known it probably meant other girls were saying no
A man took me out on a “date”. He had invited me. I was really excited, blew off a work project, got new heels, a dress, and was excited to be wined and dined. I really did put in a lot of time, money, and energy trying to impress him and be good company.
I didn't ask him about whether he was paying and expected him to pay since he asked me out. When the bill came, he just gave me a blank stare. I asked him if he was taking care of it and he just said “No”.
I got visibly upset and he started bragging about other women that wanted him, then threatened to get up and leave if I didn't pay when I started crying. I panicked about being left with the whole bill. I also was honestly extremely insulted because I had invested a lot getting ready to impress him and was excited to see this guy, and this felt like a massive smack in the face.
He said we could split it and we both put in our cards. Turns out, he had actually LOCKED his card. The waitress came back and said “I'm really sorry, his card didn't work” and she told me my card got charged for BOTH meals.
Wanting to be “nice”, I didn't complain, I just said that's okay and signed the check, but I'm wondering if this was my legal obligation. Can I complain to the restaurant?
I feel as though it was not fair he bullied me into paying for him and I got screwed over for trying to be a good person and pay my share out of respect for the restaurant, even though it was a date HE asked me on. But then the restaurant charged me for BOTH meals because this guy locked his card.
The guy also seemed very, very pleased with himself that he didn't need to pay and wouldn't leave a tip either, so I had to put down the little cash I had (20) too. It was 100 for both plus tip and this guy refused to pay anything and bullied me into paying for him by locking his card. I'm not sure what else I could have done and feel really bad about the whole thing. Could I have asked to only pay for myself?
ALSO: since my house was down the street from the restaurant, I stupidly let him talk me into “walking me home” and then when we got to my door, he said he had to use the bathroom so I stupidly let him inside. He then took his shoes off and tried to stay, and I had to kick him out. Thankfully my 30 year old roommate was there, so the guy sheepishly left when he realized another man was in the house, but I'm worried something terrible could have happened. I'm kind of shocked at my naivety looking back. Could he have bullied me into segs too if my roommate wasn't there?
TLDR: Guy bullied me into paying and I was really really shocked and unsure how to handle it. How do I avoid this happening again? my mom said it would have been rude to ask upfront if he was paying and i wasted my time and feel terrible and traumatized. I also feel as thought I was unintelligent, thoughts? i feel so “soft” and foolish for crying, letting him bully me, and paying the WHOLE bill for this privilege. plenty of women are saying i'm really dumb and they would have just walked out.
Update: He texted me a week after this ordeal, says he was really excited to get to know me, he “doesn't see not paying as undervaluing me at all”, he wishes we could have kissed, and really wants to meet again. In this case, should I ask him to send me the cash back or just ignore him?
Do it.
“Looking for friends on an app for dating doesn't really make any sense to me at all”
I get that! It made sense to me because I've made friends there before, but I completely understand it sounds weird. I'll definitely try something else when I figure out how.
How do you suggest I find clubs? Do people post them on forums somewhere? Thank you.
Are your with your girlfriend solely because of her appearance?
Cheaters get cheated on.
Karma's a bitch huh.
I actually did something similar to what he did to you back in 2018, i hung out with this girl and we both had mutual feelings. She asked me if i wanted a girlfriend but what sucks is that i did not want one at the time as I wanted to focus on school and my mental health. She still reaches out to me but it’s very rare like maybe 2-3 times a year. Maybe you should reach out, the problem with me is that i always feel like i’m bothering people when i reach out first lol.
Very immature. Wait until she leaves.
Right on. Fessing up when the only thing compelling her was her guilty conscience? Someone who comes clean because she's disappointed with herself? I paruse this sub because that's opposite of what happened in my marriage. By contrast, the situation in this post is like a breath of fresh air.
found the morally bankrupt cheater
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So she can’t have friends? Get over yourself.
There’s a chance OP hasn’t told us the full truth and he might actually be married or engaged to be married and he’s just not mentioning this fact hence his choice of the word adultery and why he has added pressure to not tell his family (aka his wife would find out). Many men from his background get married off by their families at a young age (20s).
It was already over when you decided/ felt the need to snoop on his phone.
There’s a reason why he was single in his 40s. Cut your ties and go have fun with men your own age
The line is “don’t objectify women”. That’s literally it.
Buy him a new sandwich, apologize and then don't bring it up again. Talk to him about what has been going on at work or why he has been feeling down. Seems like he is acting out for attention, so try and refocus him on what he is projecting about. If this is a pattern of behavior talk about that too and focus on just describing what you see, how it makes you feel.
No concrete decisions. Not sure if the wedding is off, but she told me she'll call me back and we'll talk more once she gets back.
I don’t think your mom assaulted you. Checking you for lice is legit. I have been inadvertently finger-tip brushed (with no anything happening before or after, but I do remember it & know it was an accident,) and people sometimes stare.
I think you’re right to attribute your state of confusion to your porn preferences.
You really should start packing your things because from “you are the exception” to “you are just like everyone else” is one or two worse arguments.
It's possible he fell down some rabbit hole during quarantine and got piss in his brain or perhaps he tried to cheat and got laughed out of town. Either way it's likely to turn into abusive relationship with time unless he stops blaming half the population for few bad examples.
I, for one, am shocked that the sexual predator you married has backward, misogynistic views. Shocked, I tell you.
How is the topic of you being a paedophile not important? Morally, ethically, legally, and just in this scenario regarding talking to her parents who introduced you?
Thanks for the judgment 🙂 much appreciated.
Meh. If you’re socially awkward then that’s effecting you much more than your looks. I’ve met some people in my life that at first glance they may have been a 4 but then getting to know them…their personality was ?
Women don’t respond as well to socially awkward. Confidence, direction, assertiveness, funny…we like that.
Work on your confidence man. And tinder is trash.
Thank you so much! I will look into that.
He didnt want it. I told him that we need to, he started arguing about that we didnt need this and nothing happend in the end.
I came here to say this as well. If you weren't explicitly clear on the fact that what mattered to you wasn't simply having the watch, but buying it yourself, then she likely believed she was doing something really wonderful
It's unfortunate if that wasn't communicated, but that's not the same thing as her actively scooping you on something that she knew was really important for you to purchase for yourself. You can still be disappointed, but you should definitely also be grateful, which it sounds like you weren't
Then stop doing anything for her birthday.
I do see what you’re getting at. I think I’d be more open to simply discussing the issue and giving him another chance if this was only the first or second time something like this had happened, but unfortunately, it isn’t. I’ve had to educate him on social injustices (not limited to just sexism) multiple times over the course of the year, and it has been extremely draining. He justifies his position by saying he is contrary and likes to play devils advocate, but honestly, when certain groups of people face more discrimination than others on a regular basis, I think such an approach is inappropriate.
Somehow, your comments have made me realise even further that I can’t accept this kind of behaviour from someone in my life. I’m sure there is a woman out there for him who will put up with these comments without a fight, but that woman isn’t me. And I’m glad it isn’t.
Oh he’s got you so manipulated! Abuse types include : financial, phycological, emotional, physical (not just punching!) sexual, discriminatory , neglect, slavery. Just think about that. Learn from this and grow so you don’t repeat this pattern in the future. Remember the most dangerous time to you is when you decide to leave. He will manipulate you trying to get you to come back
Definitely considering that route. Funny enough I left a nicotine patch overnight so the dream was incredibly vivid.
Relationships take work on both sides, and she's giving you a very clear message: “I don't care enough about this relationship to keep it from dying.”
The line, “maybe we can date in the future” is usually thrown around in one of two contexts:
She's not interested in continuing with you, but is saying this to avoid hurting your feelings, or… She wants to keep you around as backup in case she can't find someone better
Neither of these contexts is good for you.
As difficult as it is, accept that things just didn't work out and move on.
I also very strongly recommend you not just accept this, but make you acceptance known. She MUST understand you will not be waiting for her and will be moving on with your own life.
Be the star of your own life, not the co-star in someone else's.
Good luck to you!
Format better and people will read.
You have been living a lie, what you think you love is just a front, the trust is broken.
If you stay you will likely get more of the same and damage your mental health.
If he “can’t quite formulate his words properly yet when it comes to a subject like sex”, then he shouldn't be having sex.
I have a friend who was on BC and got pregnant anyways. She got it aborted. 6 months later she was pregnant again and now feels obligated to keep it. Both my brother and I are also the results of failed BC. Men really are at the mercy of women when it comes to pregnancies and abortions. He is being cautious and doing the only thing he can in his control. Which is wrapping his willy. There are a million and one stories out there of failed birth control, missing a dose, other meds making BC ineffective.
If you are not ready for kids. 2 methods are better than one!
Why are you still with him?? ?he doesn’t even like you
You cannot “fix” or “save” him and I don't care about his laundry list of excuses, none of them justify his behavior.
Leave.
yeah i took this info from comments of this post :V
Why does she keep a list? That’s strange… but at the same time, honey you can’t erase the past. She slept with them, end of story. You can either accept you’re not the first and focus on your future. Or you can try to pretend that you’re the first, which isn’t true and quite misogynistic.
Not to mention, there’s this very important thing you need to know going forward, WHO A WOMAN SLEPT WITH BEFORE YOU, AND/OR SLEEPS WITH AFTER YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. So do yourself a favor, pick your battles of which this ain’t one, and you’ll have a much happier and healthier relationship.
Also, STOP SNOOPING. Green is not a good color on anyone and definitely not the color for a healthy for a relationship. You will never have a healthy relationship with anyone if you’re jealous over things she’s done before dating you, things she does with her friends, little mementos she keeps, and other little things. So stop being jealous over events that you have zero control over and also ones that were in the past. You need to nip your jealousy in the bud ASAP, you’re young.
But yes, that list is none of your business and you feeling hurt by this list is a you problem. It’s your own insecurities that you’re projecting onto her, which isn’t fair. Grow up, make new memories and have such great sex with her that she forgets these guys ever existed and you’ll go much further.
Yes kidnapped her and put her in her own bed
About an hour ago I made the joke. She said she was going to the store to get an outfit for tonight. I said “ah, definitely gotta look pretty for that date of yours with my best friend” and she responded well to it I guess. She laughed and said “ No, I’d just rather not wear sweats and a hoodie downtown”. She sent a picture of the outfit and it hides everything about as well as it can. She definitely isn’t dressed to over-impress.
While I do think most woman dress up to attract men, or to at least get looks for validation and to feel desirable. I can also understand the want to “blend in” and not look out of place. I mean she has some real showy stuff she’s worn to bars with me. It does make me feel good that she went out of her way to get an outfit that doesn’t show off her body. If she had chose something that was obviously begging for attention (yes. It is her right to choose what she wears, again I’m not the type to tell her what she can and can’t do) then my suspicions would definitely go a bit further.
he noticed I shake the soda bottles because I prefer them without the fizz
I mean, that would bug me, too. But…
he said it was gross and starting buying his own drinks and naming them in the fridge
Seems like an easy solution.
I took about 10 packets of sugar when I only use 4-5 for my coffee , he asked me about it and I said “you never know when you might need it”
I mean, I do this sometimes and even napkins, ketchup packets, plastic cutlery, straws. Not huge amounts though and I'll keep them in my car for just in case – sometimes a drive thru forgets things. So, if you aren't getting your whole sugar supply for at home from Starbucks or something, then I don't see what the big deal is.
I also keep silicia gel packets.
Why? Do you use them for any specific purpose? I save those real big, thick twist ties that come on some products but I use the to hold up hanging toys for my daughters mice because nothing else works. I even save toilet paper/paper towel tubes for them.
I saved a bit of my dead animals fur
I don't see how this is a problem. Saving locks of hair is a very common thing for people to do when a loved one dies. I actually have a lock of hair from each of my kid's first haircuts. I have no idea what his problem is here. Unhygienic? It's not like you're sprinkling it in to boxes of cereal or something.
Idk, it seems really weird to me that this was enough for him to fly off the handle and take off after being together for two years unless there's other stuff we don't know about.
She is your gf not your wife.
She’ll be my wife someday tho
So she gave her contact info to someone who is a potential work-related resource?
How dare she! /s
She is not your ex, and it isn't her job to atone for your ex's sins.
That’s so boring. You need to Experience life and come back together from a place of Strength. You change so Much over the years. Good luck.
Yeah thats secual assault I am so sorry. Don't be with creepy older ladies who can't get someone their own age. I'm in my 30s. 23 is like a teenager to me.
You’ll find many GFs will find ways to remove you from your hobbies and interests. The question is, can she be ok with these other things. If not, time to move on.
Google assist sends me bill pay reminders the icon is 3 little dots. However, I highly doubt he'd be receiving notifications for an app he supposedly doesn't have.
Listen to your gut, your instincts will rarely lead you wrong. I'd ask to see his phone, if he has nothing to hide he shouldn't have a problem with you looking. If he hesitates or stalls a little before giving it to you then you have your answer.
I try to give people the benefit of doubt but I've never received notifications for an app I didn't have.
Oof! I really love my guy and think I could forgive some sports betting, if he came to me and admitted on his own that he'd made a mistake. And that's a MAYBE, if he came clean and asked me the person he loves for help. I could work towards forgiving the financial infidelity.
You see, gambler's are at least trying to win money.
What is the return on investment when paying for “porn”? Is it an orgasm? Attention? Control? Feeling like hot shit?
All that to say, get out. You haven't said how you found out, but I'm assuming he didn't tell you. And you do say he deleted shit…..SO you know he's still a liar.
Let him have his sweaty nights in dark corners. Bent over and masterbating furiously, with the mouse in one hand and his dick in the other.
Sorry OP his hands are full. There is no room for a loving wife.
Is that working for you?
Please please do this, have the whole wedding laugh at him if he turns up in a clown suit. I’m sure he’ll love that since he loves making people laugh.
Imagine if you had to suffer for the rest of your life for a mistake you made when you were younger
Look, as long as you don't actually change… don't reach out.
Reread your initial post…. the crap you wrote…. the way you argue about why your SO cheated on your brother…..
Have you and your SO done therapy?
Fake af lol
Tell him that he isn’t being very health conscious with his lifestyle. Tell him you want someone who is going to be around longer than their mid forties.
I’ve had friends die in their 40s because of poor diet. They weren’t even fat, just never ate properly.
So tell him, we need to make better decisions food wise. If you don’t see a change or effort, then you are free to exit the relationship.
Tell her you want to meet up, in public, tell her to be honest if there was anyone else. Let her say her piece, if she says no ask to verify and look at her phone without hesitation.
Her response should be enough, you don't really have to look through it.
Unbiased Opinion: whether you’re 21 or 23 or male or female – the person you’re speaking about sounds insecure, jealous, untrusting and immature but you sound a little insensitive and lacking in forethought. Maybe not red flags but – red handkerchiefs awarded to you both.
It sounds like the entire trip you wouldn't give him a rest, pushing all of the time. I think he needed a chance to decompress before a sincere apology would be welcome.
Stop talking to him.
That's if you're not salary-exempt. I notice that a lot of people on Reddit seem to pretend it doesn't exist.
I'm 26, I would like kids some day, should I wait another 4 years to start dating?
4 years quite a long time to wait man.
This girl, may be one of the harder relationships to maintain given your circumstances.
But its completely possible to find someone (if its not her) who wants to and will make it work with your schedule.
Heck, I was a FT student, PT worker when I met my girl. Looking back on this, I kind of chuckle. But I had to literally plan our dates 3 weeks in advance due to her busy schedule. We saw each-other weekly, but we needed the 2-3 weeks advance.
What's important is the willingness and emotional capacity, not the schedule.
All I am saying, is to wait 4 years to start dating, seems disappointing. You're not restricted due to you schedule.
However, as much as you would love for this girl to be it, you may be more suitable for someone closer to home, as well going after someone more inline with your life stage.
“just doesnt seem right, but i cant put my finger on the reason” i feel as though you are trying to bait people into saying she is cheating on you. she is going on holiday with her friends. i feel you are being immature.
You should assume they were serious. I have watched while at least 4 people typing “I was being sarcastic” learned the process for it on Reddit. All 4 thanked the person who explained it.
If someone didn't think their comment through rationally enough to add the “/s” then they weren't being sarcastic….
Because most people in life say “just joking” to escape the consequences of saying something rude.
Well yeah. I say this as someone with a bigger age gap in my relationship (also got together young). It's a red flag and you need to carefully evaluate whether it's an indication that there's something wrong with one/both of you. Sometimes it won't be, especially if you're both explicit about not wanting anything serious, but tbh usually there's something wrong with the older person.
People who love you don’t purposefully try to hurt or confuse you. He just wants to control you.
I think a lot of it has to come down to clearly stating and agreeing on intent. Before my SO and I were dating (casual or serious) we had a conversation about how this idea of a relationship was something that we wanted and we would like to see where it goes, including marriage. It was pretty clear we were dating with the intent for it to be serious and hopefully lead to marriage.
That said, the first few months my SO didn't consider it a “serious” relationship. We were (and still are) long distance. I had some health issues, he had new job and all of that, but eventually it set in how much things were working and we wanted to proceed.
I feel like it's sarcastic to say that it just happens over time, but to some degree that's true. It either develops or it doesn't. There are certainly things that you can do to tilt it either way, but you can't really accelerate the “long term” part.
ummm, he may not be hetero.
Sure, but a certification isn’t an associate’s degree.
Diagnosed sociopaths don’t have selective empathy, they don’t have empathy at all. I understand he treats you well. But both of you are young and it is highly likely the moment he doesn’t see any use in the relationship, he will drop you.
Tho i don’t think you’ll listen to this. The child just further complicates the situation.
I asked a colleague once, if men think about sex 3 or more times every minute, how do they ever get any work done? He replied that their brains can multitask.
You should view these journal entries as written daydreaming, catalogs of his fantasy life. I probably wouldn't fess up. Act as if you had never seen them. And judge his suitability as a partner on things you didn't read in his journal – things like how he treats you, his reliability, etc.
Are we trying to make this a running joke now?
What I see in your comments is a lot of excuses. You say that you tell him that it’s over and he ropes you back in, making it seem like you have absolutely no role in it. It’s your responsibility that you let yourself be talked into staying with him.
Everybody here has given you great advice, and all of your responses. I’ve been to tell them why that advice won’t work.
I think you need to get honest with yourself. I think you’re addicted to the drama of it all. I don’t think you want it to be over.
Ignoring the age gap, noooooooope. Dude screams red flags
This is assault. He does not respect you, he prioritises his pleasure over your safety and comfort. That is absolutely not okay. This is a deal breaker. Don't listen to his half hearted apologies, he crossed a line and it will escalate as he pushes further and further.
This is above Reddit’s pay grade. She needs to talk to a therapist about it. Which would require her actually wanting to correct the behavior.
Possibilities that I can think of but are not limited to:
psychosomatic response to anxiety.
learned behavior.
you are literally the person she feels most safe with and therefore are the only one she feels safe showing these symptoms to.
unconscious/subconscious manipulation
an actual medical issue that responds to certain types of stress.
That’s what my tired brain can come up with right this second.
My advice is to get her a physical to make sure she doesn’t have ulcers or something medically wrong. Then get her into see her/a therapist for some one on one time for managing this condition.
Then book some couples therapy sessions where you can talk through these disagreements with the therapist there and the therapist can help her through the issue and hopefully help her develop better coping mechanisms.
I’m like this at the moment thanks to zero will power in pregnancy. I told hubby I was feeling rather round, My husband comes in for a kiss and then pretends to bounce off my belly saying “there’s something coming between us”. It was funny the first ten times….
Raise it, perhaps furing therapy. Promise to nit abuse it, but want to feel like you have the ability to check those things (location and passwords).
There is sth to consider here. If you keep watch on his messages you will inevitably see some harmless, but on surface questionable messages. You should ignore them. Making him believe you do not in fact check has messages (at least usually). What you watch for is whether questionable messages are being deleted. I don't need to explain why this would tell you something.
I appreciate all that you wrote here. I think a lot of what you're saying makes sense, but it really really upsets me that I have to inconvenience myself/spend money/take time off work/sell my house to get away from someone. I judge myself more that I let everything happen to me, not that I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
Some of the changes I'd have to make to get her out of my life completely are pretty hard to do on a daily basis. For example, I'd have to walk ~2.5 miles every morning and for every walk to get to a park for my dog to play instead of going to the one right in front of me. I'd have to stop going to all the bars I used to have fun at with my friends because she intentionally goes there to run into me. I've blocked her on everything imaginable and she still finds ways to get through.
For new hobbies and new friends, I've been joining different intramural leagues and meeting new male friends which has been helpful. What sucks is I do like dating and sex and all that and girls generally are forward with me but I know that I destroy every situation I put myself in. Then I go back to the depressed mood of “I can't even date someone because of this girl. I put myself in this situation.”
This isn't manipulation, it's you setting a boundary for yourself. You aren't interested in a casual sexual relationship with her. As she still doesn't know if she wants to be with you or not, I don't think that will ever happen so her moving out ASAP is for the best for both of you.
I wouldn't say a an who won't go down on me. YYMV.
But why break up? He's stated clearly its a textural issue and there's history to back up that claim (he hates tomatoes), this clearly isn't him being selfish to her needs. No one should be forced to perform oral sex if they feel uncomfortable or even grossed out by it. Just because he doesn't feel comfortable and oral sex is a boundary that he cant cross doesn't mean he's gay either.
It's a textural problem, some people are super picky and just can't deal with that.
If OP thinks it's a deal breaker for her then yeah maybe she should break things off but this comment is just gross, calling and suggesting that he's gay just because he doesn't want to do something during sex. I definitely feel like if this was a man posting about his girlfriend not giving him head, the comment would be completely different.
You're not a Sim. He can't customize you. He's been watching too much porn and thinks he can neg and dictate your looks. Leave the puto behind.
I really don't understand why you felt you had to lend him the money.
Stop doing him the favor of cooking.
The easiest solution is to stop playing with him. If he asks why, tell him. The end.
He sent a stranger (for you she's a stranger) porn involving you and you're unsure if you should bring it up?
Oh, please take a couple steps back, look at the whole picture. Stop squinting so hard trying to get a positive “glimpse.” Fiancé is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Slow your roll. Definitely get the prenup, if you decide to go ahead, his reaction could be very interesting.
You’re not forced to stay in a relationship with someone. Dating is all about getting to know one another. If she wants to post underwear pics on her social media, she’s allowed. Now you know that she’s into that. It’s up to you to decide whether you’re cool with it and move forward, or whether it’s a boundary for you, in which case you leave.
There are girls who post underwear pics on the internet. There are girls who would never do that. You need to decide what you’re comfortable with, then you find a girl who fits that. This is a learning experience for you. You’ll either decide you don’t care what your SO posts or you’ll decide you want to commit to women who don’t do that.
You have shown him your phone. You know it wasn't you. He knows that it wasn't you. So, he is either having some kind of mental health crisis or he's gaslighting you for some other purpose. I would suggest that you and he together go to this address and knock on the door. See if whomever answers recognizes one of you. If he backtracks, then you know that He was the one who went to that address. If he does that, tell him that if he wants to break up with you, he should just do it, not go through some elaborate game to trick You into ending things.
Whatever you do though, don't go by there on your own.
there’s not enuf context for us to give a good opinion..
I just don’t know how to do that when I have No way to “force” her to pay.