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Date: December 1, 2022
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do you think there is anything i can do?
Part of this depends on what you mean by love. I personally think that we don’t truly completely always will love ourselves. I think we would love things about us and I think that we know our own imperfections and it will drive us crazy. I think we have to be comfortable with ourselves and be able to love the comfort we have with the things that are good about us and the things that are bad that we continue to work on. I think having that stance allows us to be more realistic especially in a relationship. It’s important to be comfortable with yourself so you don’t look for that comfort and put your discomfort onto your partner. That is the key part about being comfortable. We will experience discomfort in a relationship absolutely. It’s in those times where we have that sense of security in ourselves that we can healthfully address it internally and communicated externally.
Unless he asks specifically
Or it’s something that will effect him- eg you’ve slept with his boss, have an STD etc
Then don’t tell him. If he wanted to know, he’d ask.
And for the most part, men don’t want to know
If he was 100% convinced you were cheating, then nothing you could have said would have made a difference.
This is probably something she does for work, so nothing disgusting about it, but you’re free to find it a dealbreaker personally. What were you doing browsing OF, though?
What she really wants is to ride other guys while you’re at home waiting for her. Don’t be a mug.
I think you know it’s time to move on.
Her threat is manipulative. If she truly feels like that-she is beyond your help, unless you are a psychiatric professional. In that case, refer her to your best colleague.
Could be plenty of reasons but seemingly the guy isn't probably that interested in the conversation or became bored with it. He was watching your IG stories as that takes a lot less time then texting back and forth where you have to wait for the other person's response.
So maybe the problem is op says she’s like a sister, but only because she was never interested in him that way.
Read some of the stories on Reddit about open relationships. There’s a theme.
Person A asks to open the relationship Person B relents Person A fucks around Person B finds someone new who doesn’t want an open relationship Person A is alone. Has fucked around and found out. Every. Time.
Holy smokes, my dude you are so brave to share your story on here.
And it breaks my heart that you and OP have experienced such depraved cruelty.
In all relationships communication is key and I think it's hard to be in a relationship when you aren't able to share freely with your partner.
I wish the best for both of you.
He likes younger women. You’re past your expiry date before he goes for a younger model. That’s how I read it.
30 is so young. I’m in mid 30s and loving life, god I couldn’t imagine dating anyone under 29 purely because of the age gap mentally. I wouldn’t continue this because it’s not sounding like it will last.
False imprisonment
I am so glad I'm in my 40's…
I had to quit hormonal birth control because it was wreaking havoc on my mental health. I can’t imagine what IVF hormones would do!
She’s says she wants things to change. She says she loves me and would do anything to save us but her actions do not match her words. We have not done counseling. I don’t think counseling would help seeing that. I truly believe she’s not being honest with me. And that would probably be the case for therapist or counselor.
You don't have to cut it out, but definitely figure out a way to scale back. Too much of anything is never good.
Also you're not responsible for being the funny one all the time. You need to figure out a healthy way to have conversations that both of you will enjoy.
He’s keeping the car. Otherwise he could sell it or give it away. Look up the rules for your area. You are 28 with internet. Don’t take his word, know yourself.
Are you wrong for what? Expecting better? Yes. He’s broken. That’s it.
Everything else is wishing. Sorry guy.
You will need to break the cycle with your future children instead.
Stay away from the ex. If that was a keeper relationship you would still be in it. Thank the 30m for letting you know about the no kids now instead of stringing you along. Get out there and find someone who checks 80% of your boxes.
sorry if i confused you but i don’t bring it up regularly. i apologized after the snap and then stopped talking about it as a whole. but i understand he needs his time. to be frank, maybe i’m just upset that he hasn’t forgiven/forgotten when he’s done me wrong multiple times. in which i’ve forgiven completely but somehow he can’t afford me that same grace. it feels super selfish to say but it’s my (secret) truth.
She basically has threatened suicide and needs to be put on a 72-hour hold!
I did notice, he just promised me he would change soon. I asked him for more effort quite a few times
I think I should break up and focus on myself.
The technical term for what she is doing is called “Monkey branching”. It happens when she finds herself attracted to someone who has become emotionally close to her and she is now in the “deciding” phase as to who she likes more – you or him.
If she is in that frame of mind it's best to stop playing the “pick me” game with her and remove yourself from a competition that you can't possibly win. In fact it's not even worthwhile winning if she is the “prize”.
She has made herself pretty obvious that she is looking to move on from you, hence the dating the other guy and hiding it from you.
So for you, it's best that you just break up and look to working on yourself, your happiness and your life.
Therapy to deal with your insecurity
Since it seems like you’re set on breaking up, I think you’re handling it well. Cancel the wedding, work out a way for her to move out and completely disentangle yourself from her.
She can come up with any excuse she wants. Fact is she never communicated with you and cheated on you. She’s a sneaky, lying cheater and not someone you should associate yourself with.
Keep things civil, learn from this and better yourself. You’ll be fine man. Keep working to get to a better place and this will become just a bad memory.
Have you actually spoken about future plans? If not, seems a complete waste of 6 years if there’s no talk of a future
All love has conditions. His is that you get your mental health under control.
You said he’s never been like that before. Well, NOW HE HAS. You’re just fresh from meeting him for the first time. All that came before it was a lie.
I was once abused, though not in the same way. We had been together for two years. We were arguing about something incredibly small when his hand hit me hard across the face. I stayed because he had never been like that before. I reasoned it was a one time thing. It wasn’t. The second time he did it, the weirdest thought popped into my head which was “this is a pattern.” That was the last time I saw him.
I don’t know how dad will act with kids. I’m just saying that mom should keep social media in mind. Her kids are like 11, so it can be very jarring for them. I do believe that the children should have a large say in what happens though, I just think social media could be a very surprising way for it to happen
I’m not saying it makes her a bad person
Then I’ll say it. I am of the opinion that garnering some kind of cheap thrill at the expense of others is a person of questionable character and decency.
Go read r/niceguys and see if it resonates. He is not being a genuinely great guy, he is actively disrespecting your preferences and treating you like the image of “his girlfriend” instead of getting to who you actually are.
Guarantee when you break up with him, he will whine that women don’t appreciate a nice guy.