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I’m very sorry to hear that, it must be horrible for her to have went through such a thing and also for you as a child to whiteness or know that was happening.
Your mother 100% needs therapy. This is not something you can tackle/help without a trained professional. However what you can do in the meantime is reassure her that you love her and that you will see her Christmas after you stay at your boyfriends.
I only asked about the cultural background as you had mentioned she was sticking to traditional values.
Good luck OP
there's no fool like an old fool – used to say that a foolish old person is especially foolish because an old person should have learned from experience not to make the kind of mistakes a young person makes
It is very simple.
Do not give subtle hints, tell him about your concerns clearly.
You are going to have a lot more embarrassing convos…better to learn to communicate.
Tell him :” obviously your ” jokes” are not landing. If you are not malicious about it why aren't you stopping? We don't have a sense of humor? Yes, yes we don't. So stop wasting your talent on us and the next time this happens I won't accept ” it was a joke.” I am telling you clearly that to us it is not funny and if you only make the jokes to laugh with yourself go to an empty room and make rhose jokes for the furniture. “
FYI, he isn't joking, he is an ass.
Oh, that sounds really quite bad. Your mother has raised you, nurtured you and as far as what you have let on has in no way been abusive (except for keeping your dad from you). Your dad evidently hasn't tried to be part of your life AT ALL, which he absolutely could have done through a court. YOU had to go and find him. To now take his name whilst giving up your mom's seems like a really big snub. If I was your mom, I'd be heartbroken.
Maybe do a double-barrrelled name if they exist in your country?
Oh, that sounds really quite bad. Your mother has raised you, nurtured you and as far as what you have let on has in no way been abusive (except for keeping your dad from you). Your dad evidently hasn't tried to be part of your life AT ALL, which he absolutely could have done through a court. YOU had to go and find him. To now take his name whilst giving up your mom's seems like a really big snub. If I was your mom, I'd be heartbroken.
Maybe do a double-barrrelled name if they exist in your country?
Maybe I am just too traditional, but 9-11 dates seem pretty early on, actually.
She only told you to get out in front of it. It wasn’t because she was feeling guilty. She was caught and had no choice. She would have never told you. I would be done with her.
I just want to point out, that just because you’re not in your “early 20’s” anymore that doesn’t mean someone can stop going out to bars and having a good time especially if they’re out of town.
Me and my husband are mid-20’s, expecting our first child together, we love to go out! We agreed that if either of us wants to go out, we would give each other that freedom and take turns although of course not all the time since we are parents.
However back to the main issue, I think your husband may have sent the picture to the wrong person instead of you or your sister. He may be cheating with someone else. I would ask to look through his phone and if he gets offended by it, something suspicious is going on.
She doesn't owe you sex and you don't owe her marriage. You seem upset by this, so I think you should listen to your doubts and leave her. It's better than pressuring her into doing things she does not want to do, whatever her reasoning behind this is.