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are you able to go to any family ? abusive relationships aren’t abusive 24/7, it doesn’t need to be for it be classed as abusive. they’ll abuse you daily or weekly & go back to “normal ways” then carry on the cycle. get out whilst you can.
Print out all of their messages to take to a lawyer. You deserve all of his money for what he's done to you. I hope you get every penny. I'm so sorry this has happened, it's not your fault. I wish you the best of luck ?
Hey, I was raised in a home where my parents divorced. Kids definitely do pick up on these things no matter how much you try to hide it. Your kid isn't an idiot.
They proposed to me 1 month into the relationship a
A month in you're basically still strangers. At that point you should have simply said “no” and you should have walked away. Someone proposing a month in is a clear sign that this person has a LOT of growing up to do.
You are drinking too much. Five to six beers is alcoholic level and binge drinking is bad.
Also, three beers is a lot even if you think it's not.
There are many reasons why you could have passed out, like you actually drank more than you remember or a medical issue or you didn't eat or the type of beer you had.
You both need to stop and have a serious sit-down talk about what you both what in your own lives, in your life together, and expectations for each other. It sounds like you’re just having 3-sentence “conversations” when things pop up but never actually discuss the bigger picture.
If abusers were terrible all the time no one would stick around for them to abuse.
Look up cycle of abuse.
He's also insecure and doesn't trust you. If there's no trust there's no relationship. Or not a healthy one.
Usually people who think their partner is cheating are the cheaters. Because if they can do it so can you.
Have you asked to see his phone?
I suggest you get therapy for yourself. Learn what a healthy relationship looks like because you aren't in one. Get hobbies, do things where you can meet and make friends. He's not going to like that because it lessons his control over you.
Hopefully you will realize that being alone is better than being with him.
we had a disagreement about something entirely on a different topic when I let him know I wasn't happy with something, and his response was, “and I think my tax money shouldn't be given for guys to cut their dicks off but that's life”.
Does he make it his personality to have strong political views?
People that bring politics into unrelated conversation are the most boring tiring people to be around and generally they don't change nor see a need for a verbal filter for those around them.
that's where he wants to be and I shouldn't let my personal feelings get in the way.
If you dump him your personal feels won't be in the way of where he wants to be…
Not doing the Reddit thing of shouting 'DUMP HIM' but like, he doesn't exactly sound like a ray of sunshine to be around…
6-7 weeks isn't a terribly long time, I'd hardly call you an… I'm not even going to say that term bc it's sexist as hell.
People should (imho) go +/-5 years within their own age on a dating app. That “I approached you only bc I thought you were 9 years younger than me” is so squicky.
I'm super happy you're open to being more spontaneous and open to things! But that doesn't mean ditching your values and ONLY making choices that are totally opposite from your normal style are the way to go. (Unless you're George Costanza)
Once The Ick is in, it's time to move on. Trust your judgment.
Probably. And there's nothing wrong with being insecure. Everyone's insecure at different levels, I doubt you'd be okay with another man fucking your girlfriend, right?
Let’s be honest , it’s mental. But sounds like you will not forgive him so time to break up. Here is the thing never ask again, it will cause pain. Remember to others , he was not there number
Assuming you are willing to try to work it out is NC with guy friend. Zero closure zero anything just blocked on everything. If she gives crap on how it’s not fair to him. He knows what he did.
Because he is not honest with himself or with you. He admitted this happened with previous girlfriends. He simply won't admit that he has a problem with commitment. Could be when the first blush of a relationship is past; the falling in love stuff, he doesn't know how to turn it into true love. He only wants the honeymoon phase, not the commitment part of relationship. Nothing about this has to do with you. Please just take care of yourself and know that you can and will find a guy who loves and respects you.
I wish more people had your constructive attitude! But yeah as the one who is doing the dumping or saying no thanks (and I had to do this a lot when I used to online date) it's just already such an awkward situation to be in. And particularly as a woman, you never know if it could turn dangerous. There's no benefit to prolonging or expanding the conversation for the person who is doing the dumping, and the dumpee is not owed an explanation or detailed analysis of their personality flaws from the dumper.
I can understand if she feels disappointed that her birth didn’t go the way she envisioned. I wanted a very low intervention birth with as few medications as possible. No joke I ended up with every single pain med over the course of labour, ending up in a c section. It wasn’t what I wanted.
She did an amazing job safely bringing her baby into the world and you did your best to support her in an incredibly stressful situation.
Why is it ok for the mom to walk around in just a bra? And shorts. A guy not wearing a shirt isn’t being naked. That’s just ridiculous. He should have on more then boxers. But just shorts is fine.
Go find someone who you get along with 100% as well as their family. The world is full of amazing men whose mothers aren't total witches. Good luck. His inability to support you speaks volumes and is a total red flag.
You’re either a very committed troll poster or you’ve stuffed up majorly marrying someone as unhinged as her so young. Unsure which, but either way, yikes man.
You might have to tell him super directly that you would like to get engaged. Don’t buy a house with him without getting married or he may never want to get married and then you’ll be stuck
Exactly. People are fucking delusional and miserable to assume that when you magically turn a current number of years, all of a sudden you have an adult brain with big adult money. She’s in college ffs. Does anyone realize how hard it is to go to college, work, and worry about bills? Either A. They were living off of daddy/mommy’s money. B. They did it and completely forgot they struggled or want to make others just as miserable. C. Never went to college. Mf’s be acting like it’s so simple and easy.
I can understand your point about the birthday messages. I guess I knew they were looking for something and didn't want to give it to them. Maybe that was unfair, or unnecessary but I'll accept it.
They are extremely difficult and it's hard to watch how they treat people. They lived with my MIL for around 6 months with their son and they bullied my MIL relentlessly. My MIL is one of the kindest women I know and it didn't matter how much she did for them it was never enough. They expect everyone to be at their beck and call and agree with them on everything. It's exhausting. My MIL is working through things and is learning to handle it better but it's still difficult.
I agree that continuing to be NC is the best course of action. I know my husband wants a relationship with his brother which I support. I'm personally struggling with the idea of having to have a relationship with them again after they have showed their true feelings.
So why be in a relationship? Why not just stay FWBs and both you just fuck whoever you want? If your natural reaction to your partner speaking with other men is jealousy, then an open relationship probably isn't for you.
You’re not wrong. It would be the right thing to do. I just don’t even know her. I’ve never spoken to her one on one. I’m the newest person to the friend group it’s just going to be soo awkward and everyone is going to be mad at me.
Technically the girl you know did it already bro. I hate to think of all the other fowl shit she has done in her life. If you were seriously asleep for 15min, like WTF man!
I promise you that you won't get over this and she is going to fuck you over in the future. You deserve better bro!
That’s very kind, I’m good now. I wouldn’t say closure as such, he denied it and minimised it all to the end but I’d seen enough for something in my heart to break.
You’ve hit the nail on the head though. It’s trust. It can be rebuilt but that takes concerted effort from two people. If that happens then great, good for you. But if you’re left to get over this on your own, well that’s also an answer.
Wow. I am so sorry that you are treated this way. I am curious as to what others say, but I feel for you. I think you deserve more respect than this man gives you.
I mean, no. Everyone's harping on that he's dating a student because he's acting surprised that she's acting like a student.
There's no evidence here that she's “looking for a sugar daddy”. She's a student who doesn't have any money, because she's at a phase of her life where she's focusing on her education and not focusing on earning income. Which is exactly what she should be doing.
Most students date other students, who also don't have any money, and they don't do a bunch of shit that costs a bunch of money. Most people with full time jobs do a bunch of shit that costs a bunch of money, and date other people with full time jobs who can afford to do a bunch of shit that costs a bunch of money.
This is why people often say it's toxic as hell to date people at an earlier phase of life than you. If OP starts putting pressure on his girlfriend to “pay her way” into his lifestyle that she has not chosen for herself, that's going to push her to allocate her resources differently than is good for her. He'd be asking her to spend to his level when she doesn't have that kind of money, to deprioritize her education, to feel indebted to him for something that she never asked for.
Yeah, that’s why I would assume he’s not into it. He was into the kissing (bc he finds you physically attractive), but he’s not into the idea of you as a girlfriend or anything serious/with feelings involved. etc
Leave and never look back!!! once a alcoholic and a liar they'll always be like that forever.
are you able to go to any family ? abusive relationships aren’t abusive 24/7, it doesn’t need to be for it be classed as abusive. they’ll abuse you daily or weekly & go back to “normal ways” then carry on the cycle. get out whilst you can.
Can you clarify if she's like, “you're such a little bitch,” or if she's like, “nah, bitch,” or “bitch, please?”
Print out all of their messages to take to a lawyer. You deserve all of his money for what he's done to you. I hope you get every penny. I'm so sorry this has happened, it's not your fault. I wish you the best of luck ?
Hey, I was raised in a home where my parents divorced. Kids definitely do pick up on these things no matter how much you try to hide it. Your kid isn't an idiot.
They proposed to me 1 month into the relationship a
A month in you're basically still strangers. At that point you should have simply said “no” and you should have walked away. Someone proposing a month in is a clear sign that this person has a LOT of growing up to do.
That’s not normal, run! love yourself
talk to him…
Lol woah this is a lot to unpack
You are drinking too much. Five to six beers is alcoholic level and binge drinking is bad.
Also, three beers is a lot even if you think it's not.
There are many reasons why you could have passed out, like you actually drank more than you remember or a medical issue or you didn't eat or the type of beer you had.
You both need to stop and have a serious sit-down talk about what you both what in your own lives, in your life together, and expectations for each other. It sounds like you’re just having 3-sentence “conversations” when things pop up but never actually discuss the bigger picture.
Maybe you are looking for something more serious than other people your age?
Who cares? She had fun… missing a lot of context here, dude.
Tell your ex that you are currently seeing someone and not interested in any sort of reconciliation
Sounds like she's using you
If abusers were terrible all the time no one would stick around for them to abuse.
Look up cycle of abuse.
He's also insecure and doesn't trust you. If there's no trust there's no relationship. Or not a healthy one.
Usually people who think their partner is cheating are the cheaters. Because if they can do it so can you.
Have you asked to see his phone?
I suggest you get therapy for yourself. Learn what a healthy relationship looks like because you aren't in one. Get hobbies, do things where you can meet and make friends. He's not going to like that because it lessons his control over you.
Hopefully you will realize that being alone is better than being with him.
He sounds exhausting
we had a disagreement about something entirely on a different topic when I let him know I wasn't happy with something, and his response was, “and I think my tax money shouldn't be given for guys to cut their dicks off but that's life”.
Does he make it his personality to have strong political views?
People that bring politics into unrelated conversation are the most boring tiring people to be around and generally they don't change nor see a need for a verbal filter for those around them.
that's where he wants to be and I shouldn't let my personal feelings get in the way.
If you dump him your personal feels won't be in the way of where he wants to be…
Not doing the Reddit thing of shouting 'DUMP HIM' but like, he doesn't exactly sound like a ray of sunshine to be around…
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He's still mad at me for not having sex
Block on social media, block his number, run for the hills
Stop dating this loser.
Does that mean you automatically get dumped on your birthday?
6-7 weeks isn't a terribly long time, I'd hardly call you an… I'm not even going to say that term bc it's sexist as hell.
People should (imho) go +/-5 years within their own age on a dating app. That “I approached you only bc I thought you were 9 years younger than me” is so squicky.
I'm super happy you're open to being more spontaneous and open to things! But that doesn't mean ditching your values and ONLY making choices that are totally opposite from your normal style are the way to go. (Unless you're George Costanza)
Once The Ick is in, it's time to move on. Trust your judgment.
I would love it honestly. I wouldn't have as a younger man but now I see the beauty in them and how especially for women how meaningful flowers are.
Probably. And there's nothing wrong with being insecure. Everyone's insecure at different levels, I doubt you'd be okay with another man fucking your girlfriend, right?
Let’s be honest , it’s mental. But sounds like you will not forgive him so time to break up. Here is the thing never ask again, it will cause pain. Remember to others , he was not there number
Assuming you are willing to try to work it out is NC with guy friend. Zero closure zero anything just blocked on everything. If she gives crap on how it’s not fair to him. He knows what he did.
Because he is not honest with himself or with you. He admitted this happened with previous girlfriends. He simply won't admit that he has a problem with commitment. Could be when the first blush of a relationship is past; the falling in love stuff, he doesn't know how to turn it into true love. He only wants the honeymoon phase, not the commitment part of relationship. Nothing about this has to do with you. Please just take care of yourself and know that you can and will find a guy who loves and respects you.
How old are you?
I wish more people had your constructive attitude! But yeah as the one who is doing the dumping or saying no thanks (and I had to do this a lot when I used to online date) it's just already such an awkward situation to be in. And particularly as a woman, you never know if it could turn dangerous. There's no benefit to prolonging or expanding the conversation for the person who is doing the dumping, and the dumpee is not owed an explanation or detailed analysis of their personality flaws from the dumper.
I can understand if she feels disappointed that her birth didn’t go the way she envisioned. I wanted a very low intervention birth with as few medications as possible. No joke I ended up with every single pain med over the course of labour, ending up in a c section. It wasn’t what I wanted.
She did an amazing job safely bringing her baby into the world and you did your best to support her in an incredibly stressful situation.
Why is it ok for the mom to walk around in just a bra? And shorts. A guy not wearing a shirt isn’t being naked. That’s just ridiculous. He should have on more then boxers. But just shorts is fine.
Or she’s just his bangmaid while he waits for his ‘friend’ to realize how much she wants him?
Go find someone who you get along with 100% as well as their family. The world is full of amazing men whose mothers aren't total witches. Good luck. His inability to support you speaks volumes and is a total red flag.
I want to hope this story is actually real, however I think it's bullshit.
You’re either a very committed troll poster or you’ve stuffed up majorly marrying someone as unhinged as her so young. Unsure which, but either way, yikes man.
I dunno what was going through her head
Should I capitulate and apologize for defying him and plunging the toilet?
Absolutely fucking not.
Your husband is wrong about “stewing” the poo. If it's clogged, it has to be plunged to push the clog past the bends.
It is also extremely unhealthy to allow feces to sit and “marinate”. I am surprised y'all haven't gotten I'll from this disgusting habit of his.
You might have to tell him super directly that you would like to get engaged. Don’t buy a house with him without getting married or he may never want to get married and then you’ll be stuck
So she left her phone at her office while she went to the coworker’s house.
If it goes the standard way, you two will argue about marriage and split up then within 18 months he will have married someone else.
In short, I think it's something you need to raise with him and ask him what his needs are, but be prepared for either answer.
Um… You do realize they don't have to let you keep living in their home, right? ?
Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday.
She tells him she's in church, but she doesn't go, still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know!!!
Exactly. People are fucking delusional and miserable to assume that when you magically turn a current number of years, all of a sudden you have an adult brain with big adult money. She’s in college ffs. Does anyone realize how hard it is to go to college, work, and worry about bills? Either A. They were living off of daddy/mommy’s money. B. They did it and completely forgot they struggled or want to make others just as miserable. C. Never went to college. Mf’s be acting like it’s so simple and easy.
I can understand your point about the birthday messages. I guess I knew they were looking for something and didn't want to give it to them. Maybe that was unfair, or unnecessary but I'll accept it.
They are extremely difficult and it's hard to watch how they treat people. They lived with my MIL for around 6 months with their son and they bullied my MIL relentlessly. My MIL is one of the kindest women I know and it didn't matter how much she did for them it was never enough. They expect everyone to be at their beck and call and agree with them on everything. It's exhausting. My MIL is working through things and is learning to handle it better but it's still difficult.
I agree that continuing to be NC is the best course of action. I know my husband wants a relationship with his brother which I support. I'm personally struggling with the idea of having to have a relationship with them again after they have showed their true feelings.
It will get better , it’s been a month since my ex & I don’t feel any better but day by day I’m getting there
So why be in a relationship? Why not just stay FWBs and both you just fuck whoever you want? If your natural reaction to your partner speaking with other men is jealousy, then an open relationship probably isn't for you.
lol how on earth could you ever respect a person like this?
UpdateMe!
You’re not wrong. It would be the right thing to do. I just don’t even know her. I’ve never spoken to her one on one. I’m the newest person to the friend group it’s just going to be soo awkward and everyone is going to be mad at me.
This bitch sounds evil as fuck.. avoid at all costs.
Technically the girl you know did it already bro. I hate to think of all the other fowl shit she has done in her life. If you were seriously asleep for 15min, like WTF man!
I promise you that you won't get over this and she is going to fuck you over in the future. You deserve better bro!
It’s not about Kelly. It’s about the woman having a major medical procedure.
That’s very kind, I’m good now. I wouldn’t say closure as such, he denied it and minimised it all to the end but I’d seen enough for something in my heart to break.
You’ve hit the nail on the head though. It’s trust. It can be rebuilt but that takes concerted effort from two people. If that happens then great, good for you. But if you’re left to get over this on your own, well that’s also an answer.
That’s the purest expression of contempt.
I don’t think you come back from that.
You do not have to give a reason to say no to sex. Ever. Dump your bf. They do not respect you.
Getting disrespected once is enough my dude , it’s time to go
This post made my head hurt
u/alyyyyy22, what…?
Wow. I am so sorry that you are treated this way. I am curious as to what others say, but I feel for you. I think you deserve more respect than this man gives you.
I mean, no. Everyone's harping on that he's dating a student because he's acting surprised that she's acting like a student.
There's no evidence here that she's “looking for a sugar daddy”. She's a student who doesn't have any money, because she's at a phase of her life where she's focusing on her education and not focusing on earning income. Which is exactly what she should be doing.
Most students date other students, who also don't have any money, and they don't do a bunch of shit that costs a bunch of money. Most people with full time jobs do a bunch of shit that costs a bunch of money, and date other people with full time jobs who can afford to do a bunch of shit that costs a bunch of money.
This is why people often say it's toxic as hell to date people at an earlier phase of life than you. If OP starts putting pressure on his girlfriend to “pay her way” into his lifestyle that she has not chosen for herself, that's going to push her to allocate her resources differently than is good for her. He'd be asking her to spend to his level when she doesn't have that kind of money, to deprioritize her education, to feel indebted to him for something that she never asked for.
Yeah, that’s why I would assume he’s not into it. He was into the kissing (bc he finds you physically attractive), but he’s not into the idea of you as a girlfriend or anything serious/with feelings involved. etc