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akenolee Public Chat Channel
Date: October 1, 2022
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akenolee Public Chat Channel
Repeatedly slept with someone else, and only came clean when told tell him or I will? Nah, no second chances here.
Let him have his gaming buddies, then, and you can have half his money and assets after the divorce. Win win.
I understand thank you yes her idea of love is immature , so what is the mature idea of love ?
I know you two were friends for 10 years but I think you've moved pretty fast in your romantic relationship. I mean you've only been going out a year and you're calling yourself a stepmother. You don't have any experience with dating single dads so you've kind of been thrown into the deep end, especially since his kid has behavioural problems.
But he needs to parent his child when she's acting out, he can't just let her do whatever she wants and hope she grows out of it. He's being a crap parent and if you do point that out, it'll probably be thrown back in your face. Being a stepparent isn't for everyone, but your boyfriend is not being a good father or a good partner to you. Maybe it's best if you go back to being friends, but you're absolutely not a b**** for wanting him to step up as a parent.
To add to the other moments:
Early in the relationship she mentioned one of her friends being dumb for leaving her bf because he was a great guy, the type of guy she would marry. Again drinks were involved and we discussed this the next day.
Shes made out with her gfs and even random strangers a few of the times we’ve been out. Always girls but still makes me feel uncomfortable. We’re both in our mid 20’s so it’s not something I’ve seen since early college days..
To add to her intentions with “Paul” her body language last weekend when we were partying indicated a level of interest in him.. potentially sexually.
I picked up on this and brought it up after this weekends episode because in my mind I was heading to the worst possible outcome imaginable. I’ve been cheated on before and I hate the thought of it happened big again.
I brought this up to her, that I noticed how close she was seemingly with him but she shrugged it off that “he’s too old” and that’s not what this is. Paul is in his late 30’s..
I only have the story they both gave me. I’ve known him a lot longer and am taking him at his word but in life I’ve found people can definitely be different then what they appear..
He’s also going through a rocky relationship with his partner so it adds to it and she’s aware of this.
What is there to love about her when she trets you this way? Do you love her or the fact that you can get attention from her?
Leave her dude. She is not going to stop. She's an doctor. That's a long process of recovery if she even does recover. Your chick is also getting gang banged. Bro you gotta Leave her
I don’t really get the issue. Why are you seeking his permission? If you’ve already made up your mind then you constantly “getting convinced” is cruel. You need to pack your things and just leave, without discussion. You don’t need his permission to leave, he will probably NEVER stop trying to beg or convince you. He’s not just gonna go “no problem, bye”.
Kick her to the curb like the entitled trash she is.
This relationship is over. You have already decided.
Also – you destroyed her trust. Whether you think that is reasonable/unreasonable is irrelevant.
How will you break up without pain? You won’t. Pain is is how we learn and are warned of danger.
Prolonging it is definitely a stupid thing to do.
Address the problem – it is affecting every other aspect of your life.
If you felt pain because your hand was on fire – would it be smart to let it burn?
I don’t know why people are jumping down your throat about an insecurity you know you have and are working on. In their minds people are only worthy of relationships if they are 100 percent mentally well? Mentally ill people deserve to be loved too, most people who have these issues have them because of past trauma. It seems like everything kinda happened really fast and you got emotionally dis regulated and dealt with it in a healthy manner by stopping yourself from being triggered until you could think about everything more clearly and with less emotional intensity. Knowing that this is an issue for you and being willing to work on it shows that you are mature enough to be in a relationship. Being willing to give it another chance so your boyfriend can share something he loves with you shows you can compromise and see things from his perspective (proving you feel empathy). I wish I had been as self aware as you are at such a young age. People who are trying to shame you are the ones that aren’t ready to be in relationships in my opinion.
It depends on how close this family friend was, if she had a history of lying, if the timeline matches up, if he actually did see himself in the pictures of the daughter, etc.
I could see potentially believing the mother. He should still request a paternity test though.
Updateme!
What if his child ended up being day
I’ll try.
Yeah thats super weird. It'd be a different story if his reason was he just wanted her to avoid men.
It didn’t work. Go again.
It's unreasonable to put your health at risk, especially if you aren't both 100% onboard. It's not like you've been lying to him for a decade. Probably time to move on.
I'm of the opinion that men and women can be friends. But some people are unwilling to accept that we don't live in a fantasy world. These friendships sometimes must have some degree of boundaries.
First of all snapchat can be a good way to communicate (even though FB messenger seems way less shady for people not hiding things). But conversations after 10 are usually not the best idea while in a relationship. Especially on snapchat of all things.
Second, if you have already voiced your concern about this and she continues to do it. Then just break up with her and let her go be with this guy. There is no point in staying with someone who treats their friend they just met better than you.
How do you know this?
You’re not naive… he will message you back. But it will take a long time and likely by the time he does you’ll be sick of his shit and will have moved on. Immature men (and women I guess) often fall of the map when it suits them and come back when whoever they fell off the map for isn’t interested.
FWIW, my life’s experience has $20 on that his “need” to not talk to you has nothing to do with his grandma and much more likely has to do with a new love interest.
Quits her job??? She can just go to HR and file a sexual harassment complaint. It’s not her fault, and she doesn’t have to lose HER job over it. If it’s unwanted, she can tell him to stop. If it doesn’t stop or she’s not comfortable telling him that, HR. Then the blame is exactly where it should be – on the co-worker. Why are you blaming her for it and suggesting she lose anything here??
19 year olds typically don’t know what they are and aren’t comfortable with.
Sounds like you have some serious self-esteem issues my guy. The minimum requirement of a partner in a monogamous relationship is they don’t cheat on you. Because you’ve found one who doesn’t cheat, doesn’t mean she’s some special unicorn who must be treasured. That’s the absolute minimum she should do.
If it were me I would break up with her. Anyone to me who makes you ditch friends simply because of their genitals is not a good one. Throw this one back, you can honestly find someone so much better for you.
I would just remember that you are 20 and people get over that shit all the time.
why did you need to take a different route?
Your mom is responsible for who she is, not who her mom is. Therapy could help her with that. Also if therapy isn’t an option, alanon could be an option, there’s even alanon subreddits, if she’d rather just read about it online. Alcoholics often become abusive and say horrible things, not because those things are true but because saying those things distracts themselves and others from the real problem they don’t want to address, the alcohol.
And he did all the work and got lucky, taking everything from him isn't good parenting. He is completly in the right to just stop doing it and there isn't anything they can do to stop him. He doesn't want to do it for free and made a 50/50 deal with them and now they want it all. Return, that's why I think it's for the best to repay their “loan” with interest and move along.
Op never mentioned that they were expecting him to invest on their behalf, they gave him the money fully knowing that there was a chance for it to all be gone, and if that thought never crossed their minds, then they are gambling it away. Everything apparently worked out, they were going to get double their money but are trying to take it all. Either way, it's going to break up his relationship with his parents because one side will always resent the other. Without him, this would have never been possible
Have a male family member or two there while you serve him the papers, too. He seems like the sort who could become volatile, imo.
THIS. plus the fact that OP admits they’re not even diagnosed autistic they just think they are
UPDATE: I talked to him, he said he is sorry for saying that and that he will never hit me.
He already told you he will. He's just walking it back so you don't dump him, which you should. This is a LDR, cut bait.
This comment sounds like me 100%. Shit I didn’t get married till 2013 aka I’m 44 and well you can do the math. I cannot imagine being married to my bf at 18. It wouldn’t end well as you can imagine ?
Same. A lot of the comments are advocating for trying to fix things, but I just don’t see this as being salvageable. I don’t think OP wouldn’t be fault at all for leaving. This isn’t a relationship anymore, and she’s not the same person anymore. He should leave.
This is fucking eye-opening holy shit
A big list of issues really but mainly my attachment issues and fears of abandonment.
Only the ones you notice.
Call the police no matter what. Loan sharks aren't the type to wait for him to get the money legally. Get away from him.
So stop being his friend. Or live with who he is. Friends can offer advise. Then it’s up to the friend to decide what they want to do. Rarely will I offer an opinion twice and I make it clear I think they may have made the wrong decision and why.
I would like to point out that if we disected mono relationships by the same merits, mono relationships would seem like a hopeless endeavour as well. The amount of cheating, spousal abuse, jealousy, controlling behaviour and manioulation I've seen in mono relationships are absolutely wild, and so are the posts on here about them. Yet I continue being mono myself, as it feels right for me.
Its fine that you dont want it for yourself. I also think its fair to accept that if we want to judge poly relationships on some merits and condemn them based on those, but wont look at how mono relationships fail at those merits as well or condemn them in the same way, we are being hypocrits.
Let him keep your stuff instead of repeatedly using it as an excuse to talk to and see him.
Here's a hard lesson to learn about intimate relationships and boundaries: When someone shows you who they are ->believe them. That he behaved as he did is one thing. That you haven't done anything about it but cry. Stop crying and get angry.
He disrespected you & showed you what an ass he is. What he did was immature, and at 30 he ought to know better. You chose to ask him behind closed doors instead of calling him out in front of friends. You preserved his feelings, but he did give you the same benefit.
If you stay with him, I predict he'll do this again, until he's got you crying in your soup most days, then he'll tell you you're overreacting. Mind games. Takes the heat off him while keeping you guessing at what's appropriate. YOU DECIDE what's appropriate FOR YOU.
The mature thing for him to have done was while you were away from the others, explain what his brother told you, but he chose not to. He chose instead to stomp around and make fun of your your VERY VALID concerns.
If you stick around after being treated like this, don't be surprised when he treats you like this AGAIN.
I'm happy you won't just destroy his computer cables. I don't care what chore it is, destroying stuff isn't worth it. If I wake up one day and find my wife ready to destroy my stuff because I didn't do a chore it's obviously divorce time.
On to more helpful suggestions. If he doesn't care about the dishes but wants to eat then make it clear any night he doesn't do the dishes he has to buy dinner. It's helpful because 1) you don't do the dishes, they still sit there so he can do them later and 2) if he actually has a reason to not do them one night you two don't have to fight.
After he understands the ” I won't cook if the dishes aren't done rule” then you move it up. If the dishes don't get done at least x times a week then pay for a maid to do them. Or just take the equivalent amount from him and do them. So that in a week or two from now you'll have an easy system. If he can't afford to buy take out, he has to do the dishes. If he can't afford to pay you $60 to do the dishes, then he has to do the dishes. And if you go for a method like this, don't compromise.
I agree with me. To me this post reads a lot like the wife, and her children see him as an ATM not a partner, equal, or even as a person really. No one deserves that. It's also ridiculous to me that after 10 years the wife still works a minimum wage job. I am willing to bet OP would have been willing to help her continue her education or whatever she needed to do to get better paying employment. Again, reads to me like OP is an ATM more than anything. He should make sure his assests are protected, get a divorce, and move on with his life.
Stop apologizing. Not to anyone, especially not them. They manipulated you and used you so they could cheat.
Tell her that if she messages you again you will tell the world what she and your husband did, and will file a police report for harassment as well.
Tell your husband he got what he wanted – a foursome where you both had sex with others. Tell him if he isnt prepared to defend you from attacks or be a husband to you, he can leave and move in with her. Either way he needs to go. He is showing you what a terrible selfish person he truly is.
Neither of you is right ….. Plan the vacation together . So you can decide what you both want . And Secondly you might learn how to plan.
And why would you go alone for a short weekend if he doesnt plan. you can also go for a short weekend together. It sounds a lot like if you dont plan it I dont want you there . Is this a good basis for a relationship?
Good to hear! Wishing you nothing but the best going forward 🙂
He doesn’t forget. He just doesn’t intend to do it and then he doesn’t.
That’s so stupid. A child is more of a commitment than a legal agreement. He needs get his priorities in check.
As for you, do not compare yourself to other people.
Would say that, to me, I have no reason to continue dating if my partner has no interest in having children.
People do change their minds, 20s is young to be thinking about that anyway- but i would say you are most definitely incompatible.
It takes two to tango and you're not in a dancing mood. Don't let her get in your head.
Shirtless, alone with her in his barracks, allowing another girl to touch his bare back.
Barracks? Yeah, I don’t think he’d be comfortable asking a guy for help. Imagine the teasing he would get…
I know my screening is not going to be green lit as long as I’m dating him.
You have a hard decision to make, career or BF.
The fact he hid it till last minute is a hard pill to swallow. He's known how important this is to you and he hid something so huge from you.
He loves you just the way you are.
She's not bagging… sounds like she needs a slap back to reality. Tough love kinda sucks but in the end its a much needed wake up call.
This.
Ya because that's a super exciting way to treat your fully grown adult partner
Why not just have a frank conversation and ask him why he does act like this with other people. This is not normal and it spoils both your lives. Go and see family or other doctor again. Keep pushing for a referral in the right direction.
Yeah, eat crow and kick yourself. A mistake is only a failure if you don't learn from it. If you can handle the heartache, take the risk. If it works out, then you will feel good about your decision. If it doesn't, then you learn not to do that again.
Yeah, eat crow and kick yourself. A mistake is only a failure if you don't learn from it. If you can handle the heartache, take the risk. If it works out, then you will feel good about your decision. If it doesn't, then you learn not to do that again.