So, explain this to me: you almost completely neglected him for the past two years. If he was the least important thing in your life, why are you so desperate to get back with him? And why should he believe that you’ll change?
Yes, breaking up over text is a shitty thing, generally speaking — but given how much you neglected him, can you honestly say to yourself that that isn’t how you communicated mostly?
The consensus here of emotional affair sounds pretty plausible. But the “have you eaten enough today” sounds more fatherly than partner-y to me. It’s not possible they’re in some kind of Alcoholics Anonymous or grief support group? (No those aren’t the same thing but sometimes folks in groups are kind of assigned to check in on one another).
The consensus here of emotional affair sounds pretty plausible. But the “have you eaten enough today” sounds more fatherly than partner-y to me. It’s not possible they’re in some kind of Alcoholics Anonymous or grief support group? (No those aren’t the same thing but sometimes folks in groups are kind of assigned to check in on one another).
Don't ever allow someone to lay hands on you. That's not love. I am a product of child abuse at the hands of my mom, you gotta get those babies out of that house!
I got her a gift card for two massages for Christmas, we used one together last week. We are also working on eating very healthy and are on a plant based diet. She’s been vegan for 8 years. She refuses to do anything for enjoyment though I feel like. I think she feels guilty about doing things for her own enjoyment since she feels like she’s not doing enough for the babies and around the house. She won’t shower some days or even eat dinner sitting down at the table because “there is too much to do” and she “has no time” when it’s simply not the case – she has tons of opportunities to do these basic things and everyone in the house supports her doing so.
I was shouting and swearing but there were no threats and most of what I remember saying was about how she needs to take better care of herself and stop letting her own problems get so bad that I have to come in and help her and get fucked over in the process. I shouldn’t have to keep being the adult in the situation, and why can’t she just leave me alone for once. Was mostly about how she lied about her garbage situation in the garage because…well I don’t know why. She was letting garbage bags pile up around the house.
Yeah, but she still has the whole “but she is still your mom” mindset. I didn’t really push things tho.
Yes which is what makes this so tough.
Unfortunately, she called me and ended things earlier today. I didn’t really get to say much in regards to the advice I’ve gotten here. Sucks, but I guess I have to respect it.
I don’t pry into what he’s doing where his mental health is concerned and things he’s doing to change his routine, because he gets frustrated and stressed out when I bring it up, and I don’t want to nag him about it. It all looks the same to me, but he could be thinking about things or doing things during work hours that he doesn’t tell me about. I let him come to me and share what he wants to when it comes to that sort of thing.
The ancient Romans were much less accepting of same sex relations than you're implying. Rumours apparently swirled around Julius Caesar for much of his life because of his apparently “deviant” behaviour as a youth. Basically it was totally normal and acceptable to be a Top, but to Bottom was seen to leave a lasting stain on your reputation, especially for someone powerful. Sex was expected to reinforce the rigidly hierarchical social structure. The Greeks were more accommodating of that sort of youthful exploration/experimentation. But the Romans mocked them for it and never became fully comfortable with the idea even as they integrated the rest of the Greek culture.
Unless she's raising your kids and is a stay-at-home Mom there's no reason she shouldn't have a job and pay for her own things. Why would you want to date someone who doesn't pitch in?
I didn’t take too long to be ok. I was lucky that it didn’t go further than it did. I stopped being friends with that person. I recommend you end the relationship with your “friend” too. It seems clear to me that they’re not a true friend of yours. I would treat this as a sexual assault in your mind and consider therapy if it feels like you’re having trouble processing it or moving past it.
And … it’s not a crime. It’s definitely creepy, but it’s not illegal. (Depending on that state. In New York and most states this activity is not stalking).
Did you apologize for flaking on her in the first place? Because you sound like a defensive, unsympathetic guy who doesn’t care that he slept through plans with his GF and isn’t interested in putting in any effort to make it up to her.
No. This is just ridiculous. If anything, she's being abusive by making a ridiculous demand on you. Do want to jump through hoops every time one of her friends influences her like that? Next she'll be accusing you of cheating when that happens to a friend. If she can't trust you after 6 years then I'm not sure that's a positive sign. Sounds like she needs to go to therapy for being impressionable and paranoid.
When I started dating my current partner (of 12 years, so a while ago), I'd wake in the middle of the night to her crying. When asked, she'd tell me that she dreamt I was cheating on her with my ex. To me this was hilarious so I laughed and gave her assurances that it wouldn't happen.
It was the very beginning, she hasn't had dreams like that. I still joke that she had MY fun dreams, yet I get none of them xDD
If your BF has never given you reason to doubt him, then you might need to work on your insecurities. I mean, what is the background, here? Why are you having such dreams? Is it him making it look like he's unfaithful or is it you?
Also, if you keep on being upset with him over imaginary things, he'll eventually get fed up of not being trusted and yeah…. that's not good for any relationship
OP stop recommending your girlfriend's response. You're making your recovery and mental well being all about her, which is probably a part of your issues.
Your girlfriend says there's no meaning in life aside from being with each other. That's some dangerous codependency.
If you really think that taking your own steps to better yourself should be derailed to accommodate your girlfriend's totally unfounded insecurities about a medical professional, then it's hopeless.
This is a fork in the road. It's you or her. Please Choose you.
Her cl8mbing into bed would have been a no-go with me. Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you point to the couch? There are 3 people in this relationship. And 2 of them are ok with that.
Abusers often start out great and don’t show their true colors until you’re more locked in in various ways. Because you’re isolated from your support system, or reliant on them financially, because of marriage/kids, or sometimes just by the sunk cost fallacy of time spent.
If they were abusive from day 1 or even day 50, everyone would just leave.
honestly, I think it’d be a really REALLY good idea to reach out to your friends right now. I know it’s probably hard and feels bad, but this is exactly the sort of situation to be putting out the bat-signal to your closest people.
when you get in the habit of hiding what goes on in your relationship from your friends, it’s a pretty big sign that whatever is happening isn’t okay and your ashamed of it. getting outside perspective is the right instinct, but don’t limit it to strangers. bad relationships cause people to be isolated, keeping strong connections with friends is insurance against getting lost in bad relationships
If she doesn't have the same love language then she is not for him and he has to move on and it has nothing to do with consent it has everything to do with communication!!! You say that now but your actions when you were young show totally something else. You say now that you find it intimate….did you have one night stands? Did you had a fuck buddy??? She didn't try anything except words and words can lie! He doesn't want to have sex with her he wants to understand what is going on.
What was the conversation? Based on her actions, it doesn’t really seem like she is on board with him being here. So was your conversation this is what we are doing or was your conversation I’d like to do this what do you think?
Actions speak louder than words. She isn’t considering you, her partner of 2 years, as one of her “besties” and is excluding you from her bday celebration, despite it not being as “tight knit” as she made it seem. I would definitely talk to her about it, but keep in mind that she already kinda lied to you before. She doesn’t want you there for whatever reason. Ask about it. I’ve been in this situation before, where a long-term partner (3 yrs tg) who had been actively pushing me away for a while decided not to invite me to a Halloween party he was going to, and he tried coming up with many excuses before saying “it’s not like I HAVE to invite you anyway.” Crushing. We ended up breaking up a few days later. Has she been pushing you away in other ways?
I think after a year it’s as good as done.
So, explain this to me: you almost completely neglected him for the past two years. If he was the least important thing in your life, why are you so desperate to get back with him? And why should he believe that you’ll change?
Yes, breaking up over text is a shitty thing, generally speaking — but given how much you neglected him, can you honestly say to yourself that that isn’t how you communicated mostly?
Hang around him long enough and you'll see him do something dumb as a bag of hammers.
The consensus here of emotional affair sounds pretty plausible. But the “have you eaten enough today” sounds more fatherly than partner-y to me. It’s not possible they’re in some kind of Alcoholics Anonymous or grief support group? (No those aren’t the same thing but sometimes folks in groups are kind of assigned to check in on one another).
The consensus here of emotional affair sounds pretty plausible. But the “have you eaten enough today” sounds more fatherly than partner-y to me. It’s not possible they’re in some kind of Alcoholics Anonymous or grief support group? (No those aren’t the same thing but sometimes folks in groups are kind of assigned to check in on one another).
Oh. That’s interesting. Thanks.
Don't ever allow someone to lay hands on you. That's not love. I am a product of child abuse at the hands of my mom, you gotta get those babies out of that house!
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I got her a gift card for two massages for Christmas, we used one together last week. We are also working on eating very healthy and are on a plant based diet. She’s been vegan for 8 years. She refuses to do anything for enjoyment though I feel like. I think she feels guilty about doing things for her own enjoyment since she feels like she’s not doing enough for the babies and around the house. She won’t shower some days or even eat dinner sitting down at the table because “there is too much to do” and she “has no time” when it’s simply not the case – she has tons of opportunities to do these basic things and everyone in the house supports her doing so.
And you seem to be a whiney little bitch.
Because he is trash. Forget about him and move on with your life.
Yeah. Sounds like he has taken a page out of the Andrew state playbook. And I kinda wanna throw up in my mouth just thinking about it.
I was shouting and swearing but there were no threats and most of what I remember saying was about how she needs to take better care of herself and stop letting her own problems get so bad that I have to come in and help her and get fucked over in the process. I shouldn’t have to keep being the adult in the situation, and why can’t she just leave me alone for once. Was mostly about how she lied about her garbage situation in the garage because…well I don’t know why. She was letting garbage bags pile up around the house.
Yeah, but she still has the whole “but she is still your mom” mindset. I didn’t really push things tho.
Yes which is what makes this so tough.
Unfortunately, she called me and ended things earlier today. I didn’t really get to say much in regards to the advice I’ve gotten here. Sucks, but I guess I have to respect it.
I don’t pry into what he’s doing where his mental health is concerned and things he’s doing to change his routine, because he gets frustrated and stressed out when I bring it up, and I don’t want to nag him about it. It all looks the same to me, but he could be thinking about things or doing things during work hours that he doesn’t tell me about. I let him come to me and share what he wants to when it comes to that sort of thing.
The ancient Romans were much less accepting of same sex relations than you're implying. Rumours apparently swirled around Julius Caesar for much of his life because of his apparently “deviant” behaviour as a youth. Basically it was totally normal and acceptable to be a Top, but to Bottom was seen to leave a lasting stain on your reputation, especially for someone powerful. Sex was expected to reinforce the rigidly hierarchical social structure. The Greeks were more accommodating of that sort of youthful exploration/experimentation. But the Romans mocked them for it and never became fully comfortable with the idea even as they integrated the rest of the Greek culture.
Unless she's raising your kids and is a stay-at-home Mom there's no reason she shouldn't have a job and pay for her own things. Why would you want to date someone who doesn't pitch in?
Thank you. I haven’t heard of grooming. I thought about narcissism, but didn’t think it was him – makes more sense when I read my own post though.
I didn’t take too long to be ok. I was lucky that it didn’t go further than it did. I stopped being friends with that person. I recommend you end the relationship with your “friend” too. It seems clear to me that they’re not a true friend of yours. I would treat this as a sexual assault in your mind and consider therapy if it feels like you’re having trouble processing it or moving past it.
And … it’s not a crime. It’s definitely creepy, but it’s not illegal. (Depending on that state. In New York and most states this activity is not stalking).
Did you apologize for flaking on her in the first place? Because you sound like a defensive, unsympathetic guy who doesn’t care that he slept through plans with his GF and isn’t interested in putting in any effort to make it up to her.
No. This is just ridiculous. If anything, she's being abusive by making a ridiculous demand on you. Do want to jump through hoops every time one of her friends influences her like that? Next she'll be accusing you of cheating when that happens to a friend. If she can't trust you after 6 years then I'm not sure that's a positive sign. Sounds like she needs to go to therapy for being impressionable and paranoid.
When I started dating my current partner (of 12 years, so a while ago), I'd wake in the middle of the night to her crying. When asked, she'd tell me that she dreamt I was cheating on her with my ex. To me this was hilarious so I laughed and gave her assurances that it wouldn't happen.
It was the very beginning, she hasn't had dreams like that. I still joke that she had MY fun dreams, yet I get none of them xDD
If your BF has never given you reason to doubt him, then you might need to work on your insecurities. I mean, what is the background, here? Why are you having such dreams? Is it him making it look like he's unfaithful or is it you?
Also, if you keep on being upset with him over imaginary things, he'll eventually get fed up of not being trusted and yeah…. that's not good for any relationship
What your friend is tell you is Do as I say, not as I do. This individual is not your friend.
Sounds like he respects your privacy and doesn't post photos of you for strangers to look at?
OP stop recommending your girlfriend's response. You're making your recovery and mental well being all about her, which is probably a part of your issues.
Your girlfriend says there's no meaning in life aside from being with each other. That's some dangerous codependency.
If you really think that taking your own steps to better yourself should be derailed to accommodate your girlfriend's totally unfounded insecurities about a medical professional, then it's hopeless.
This is a fork in the road. It's you or her. Please Choose you.
Her cl8mbing into bed would have been a no-go with me. Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you point to the couch? There are 3 people in this relationship. And 2 of them are ok with that.
Nobody is this fucking stupid. Cool story writing though.
Abusers often start out great and don’t show their true colors until you’re more locked in in various ways. Because you’re isolated from your support system, or reliant on them financially, because of marriage/kids, or sometimes just by the sunk cost fallacy of time spent.
If they were abusive from day 1 or even day 50, everyone would just leave.
honestly, I think it’d be a really REALLY good idea to reach out to your friends right now. I know it’s probably hard and feels bad, but this is exactly the sort of situation to be putting out the bat-signal to your closest people.
when you get in the habit of hiding what goes on in your relationship from your friends, it’s a pretty big sign that whatever is happening isn’t okay and your ashamed of it. getting outside perspective is the right instinct, but don’t limit it to strangers. bad relationships cause people to be isolated, keeping strong connections with friends is insurance against getting lost in bad relationships
If she doesn't have the same love language then she is not for him and he has to move on and it has nothing to do with consent it has everything to do with communication!!! You say that now but your actions when you were young show totally something else. You say now that you find it intimate….did you have one night stands? Did you had a fuck buddy??? She didn't try anything except words and words can lie! He doesn't want to have sex with her he wants to understand what is going on.
Sure, why not? Always nice to hear. Just be prepared they may not feel the same way and that’s ok.
I'm gonna say the same thing I did when I saw my ex boyfriend had been actively using Grindr.
“It doesn't matter that it was Grindr. It matters that it was a dating app.”
The trust was gone.
So dramatic for so many people? Yeah, no shit. Rape isn’t a joke and never will be. Wtf.
What was the conversation? Based on her actions, it doesn’t really seem like she is on board with him being here. So was your conversation this is what we are doing or was your conversation I’d like to do this what do you think?
I’m sure he won’t care. It doesn’t sound like a happy marriage is the end goal
It will just get worse
I wouldn’t have let sleeping dogs lie.
Actions speak louder than words. She isn’t considering you, her partner of 2 years, as one of her “besties” and is excluding you from her bday celebration, despite it not being as “tight knit” as she made it seem. I would definitely talk to her about it, but keep in mind that she already kinda lied to you before. She doesn’t want you there for whatever reason. Ask about it. I’ve been in this situation before, where a long-term partner (3 yrs tg) who had been actively pushing me away for a while decided not to invite me to a Halloween party he was going to, and he tried coming up with many excuses before saying “it’s not like I HAVE to invite you anyway.” Crushing. We ended up breaking up a few days later. Has she been pushing you away in other ways?