95 thoughts on “Connie rogers live webcams for YOU!”
One of the easiest ways I found to mention my partner is to just bring it up casually no matter what.
Examples:
“How long have you lived in ______?” “Oh about a year. Moved here with my partner!”
“What do you do for fun?” “Well me and my partner love to play board games with friends.”
I just usually make any conversation about “me and my partner” to start because it seems the easiest way to let them know quickly that I’m taken and not not looking. Some ppl have walked away soon after, so I know it works ?
Unfair to the child, to KNOWINGLY do it. Yes, many children grow up without a parent because they die. But to choose to do that to a child is a different matter altogether.
If you get back together, whatever happened while you were split needs to be disclosed.
If it wasn't disclosed, that's about the same as cheating.
Have you considered the fact that maybe he caused the split to hook up with someone guilt-free? Then just got back with you when it wasn't new anymore?
All you can do is tell your friend that he won't be part of group text messages where people talk about private things, and that is HIS decision. You don't know his girlfriend of 4 months as well as you know the rest of the group, nor did you choose to befriend her and bring her in. Of course you don't want her reading messages that are about private issues.
Sure you can still invite him to things and use text messages to communicate normal things- how was your day, congrats on X, whatever- but he cannot expect the group to just include his girlfriend in private conversations.
Tell your friend and his girlfriend- they get to decide if they want to read each other's text messages, and YOU get to decide what kind of text messages you send to people. The GF saying you shouldn't care if nothing “dodgy” is going on is remarkably ignorant- or intentionally manipulative because of course that isn't true. I have friends I will tell my relationship issues, and some I don't tell as much. That can be because of trust, longevity of friendship, prior history, the advice they give, relationship with my partner, etc. She doesn't get to decide that it is fine if she gets in on personal conversations.
Tell the friend he is making his own choice here, and by the way if he says she isn't reading them anymore, of course don't believe him.
No I agree with you. When you think about it, it's a cesspool of all the people no one else wanted. This guy was not horrible looking and very tall, so that's a big part of why I agreed. But he's 27 years old and it was very obvious to me why he's single after meeting him on this “date”.
Here's my full story: A man took me out on a “date”. He had invited me. I was really excited, blew off a work project, got new heels, a dress, and was excited to be wined and dined. I really did put in a lot of time, money, and energy trying to impress him and be good company. I didn't ask him about whether he was paying and expected him to pay since he asked me out. When the bill came, he just gave me a blank stare. I asked him if he was taking care of it and he just said “No”. I got visibly upset and he started bragging about other women that wanted him, then threatened to get up and leave if I didn't pay when I started crying. I panicked about being left with the whole bill. I also was honestly extremely insulted because I had invested a lot getting ready to impress him and was excited to see this guy, and this felt like a massive smack in the face. He said we could split it and we both put in our cards. Turns out, he had actually LOCKED his card. The waitress came back and said “I'm really sorry, his card didn't work” and she told me my card got charged for BOTH meals. Wanting to be “nice”, I didn't complain, I just said that's okay and signed the check, but I'm wondering if this was my legal obligation. Can I complain to the restaurant? I feel as though it was not fair he bullied me into paying for him and I got screwed over for trying to be a good person and pay my share out of respect for the restaurant, even though it was a date HE asked me on. But then the restaurant charged me for BOTH meals because this guy locked his card. The guy also seemed very, very pleased with himself that he didn't need to pay and wouldn't leave a tip either, so I had to put down the little cash I had (20) too. It was 100 for both plus tip and this guy refused to pay anything and bullied me into paying for him by locking his card. I'm not sure what else I could have done and feel really bad about the whole thing. Could I have asked to only pay for myself? ALSO: since my house was down the street from the restaurant, I stupidly let him talk me into “walking me home” and then when we got to my door, he said he had to use the bathroom so I stupidly let him inside. He then took his shoes off and tried to stay, and I had to kick him out. Thankfully my 30 year old roommate was there, so the guy sheepishly left when he realized another man was in the house, but I'm worried something terrible could have happened. I'm kind of shocked at my naivety looking back. Could he have bullied me into segs too if my roommate wasn't there? TLDR: Guy bullied me into paying and I was really really shocked and unsure how to handle it. How do I avoid this happening again? my mom said it would have been rude to ask upfront if he was paying and i wasted my time and feel terrible and traumatized. I also feel as thought I was unintelligent, thoughts? i feel so “soft” and foolish for crying, letting him bully me, and paying the WHOLE bill for this privilege. plenty of women are saying i'm really dumb and they would have just walked out. Update: He texted me a week after this ordeal, says he was really excited to get to know me, he “doesn't see not paying as undervaluing me at all”, he wishes we could have kissed, and really wants to meet again. In this case, should I ask him to send me the cash back or just ignore him?
Honestly I would think about divorce now while you are young. Also if money is tight you aren’t controlling any one. It is just how It is now. I struggle with this with my wife. If you have 100 dollars to last a week you can’t go spend 99 today. Ugh. How could she expect to travel if you only have 35 dollars.
Here's the thing, I almost always pay on my dates with my gf. But it's my choice. She always insists to split, and often demands to pick up the check herself as she feels it's only fair. 'Whoever asks pays' is a small minded approach.
Thread tl;dr but you've been together for a significant period of time since you were teenagers, what, in high school? If you're disagreeing about a terrible lot, I would say the risk:reward ratio is there to break up. We're not an agricultural society where so much of so many people's lifestyle revolves around having enough kids to tend the fields or whatever; it doesn't make as much sense to get together when you're young and stay together for the rest of your lives: not as many people will tell you “good job” for that and not as many people will think worse of you if you don't. You'll be giving up so many other valid opportunities and for what? So both of you can resent the other?
To be honest, your parents should be the one taking action. They are in-fact breading this behaviour and eventually it will go out of control n do more damage.
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so last night i went to my gf house for a family party for new years. her fam is big on drinking so i drank. i got pretty drunk (my gf did too) & wasn't going to risk driving home so i stayed the night. her cousin (19f?) & her friend (19f?) did the same. we were all drunk (great i know)
the 4 of us slept in the same room, with me & my gf on the bed & them 2 in a air mattress about 4-5 ft away from us. we were all getting ready to go to bed so the lights were turned off & everything. then my gf starts grabbing & rubbing my dick. after like 30 seconds i push her hand away cause i do not want to do that with people in the room.
this happens continuously for a while & i keep whispering “i don't want to do this” “there's people in the room”, “we shouldn't”, etc. after a while she stops but after tossing & turning for a bit she starts to do it again. she keeps doing the same stuff & i keep reacting the same way but it just went on for so long eventually i caved in (my fault, ik).
i felt like i couldn't really put a hard stop to it cause i couldn't be loud as there were other people in the room who may or may not have been awake.
we had sex as quiet as possible until she finished & i was ready to sleep until she starts begging me to finish too. once again i caved in but with a condition, that she would swallow all my you know so there wouldn't be much clean up. she agreed but proceeded to not do that & let me make a mess on myself.
this ain't the first time she's done something like this, there's been a few other instances. also for context we've been dating almost a year and a half. i don't know how to feel
TL;DR i feel like my gf pressured me to have sex while they were other people in the room who may or may not have been sleeping. i repeatedly showed i didn't want to but she kept pressing me so i caved in.
Her defense mechanisms are going up hardcore. I’m guessing she had to rely on herself as a child and developed an extremely stubborn nature that once served her well, but is now wreaking havoc? Makes it hard to realize she’s the problem now.
Your child would want a happy mother more than they would want their mum and dad to be together. Trust me, my biggest wish as a kid was that my parents would divorce.
You're holding so tightly onto this marriage because you are not meant to be in it. If you were, you wouldn't need to work so hard to make it work.
Would she be totally cool if your best friends are female and you have set up a cruise just FOR YOU AND YOUR 2 FEMALE FRIENDS TO ATTEND???
Because I'm willing to bet SHE WOULD HAVE ALOT OF ISSUES YOU HAVING A NICE VACATION WITH 2 OTHER WOMEN SHE HASNT EVEN MET AND FEELING COMPLETELY EXCLUDED IN SOMETHING THAT IS SUPPOSED FOR HER to enjoy with you!!!
With the extra information you are giving in the comments it honestly sounds like it would be best if you get a job and slowly start planning your safe escape for yourself and the kids. It sounds like you’re in a very, very hard situation, and doing the best you can.
I’d have agreed with what you’re saying but the thing is she’s always had the freedom to do what she wanted I’ve known her at uni for 4 years now she friends with party people drug users etc but was always different. She’s always safe but it’s just how sudden and drastic the change has been that has me concerned.
Your husband is being defensiveness. And all defensive responses have one thing in common, they center the defensive persons perspective with out making room for the other persons. For example if he really was joking, a non defensive response would be “oh, I was trying to lighten the mood, but that didn’t go over well, sorry about that.” Where he shares his intent but then gives empathy for the hurt the other person feels, making room for both sides. Or if he thinks saying sorry is admitting a mistake, another non defensive response would be this. “My intent was to lighten the mood. But I see that what I said bothered you, and I don’t want that. Let’s discuss this so we’re both on the same page on what to do in times like this.”
In both examples he makes room for both peoples perspective. If however his response is simply, I was only joking, he’s speaking up for himself but is lacking any acknowledgment, validation, or understanding of how the other person feels. And if he wants others to respect his perspective, he has to do the same for them, and if he’s being defensive he’s not doing that. In essence, it’s a self absorbed way of problem solving. If he does this a lot, it might be something that needs therapy to change. If it’s only on occasion, maybe google defensiveness in relationships and solutions for it and see if there are tips Yep here that can help.
It sounds like its time for a break from MIL. Whose name is on the lease, if it's yours or fiance let your MIL know that she can find somewhere else to stay, you need time and distance to settle this issue. If her name go somewhere else.
I experienced this type of retroactive jealousy in my first relationship too. For some reason, it got worse as time went on because I loved that person more and more so it made me more jealous.
Honestly the only thing that really 'fixed' this type of thinking is seeing other people after we broke up and realizing that I had nothing to be jealous of. I never told my partner about my jealousy though so maybe if I had, things would have been different.
I'm not really sure what advice to give. You can look up retroactive jealousy which is jealousy of your partner's previous partners. Maybe you can find some insight there. I think this kind of jealousy is entirely irrational and I think your girlfriend must know that on a logical level but she's speaking from her emotions.
Maybe have her look it up too and take the advice people give. She needs to talk to a friend or therapist about this and not only you because at this point she's taking her anger out on you and being mean. At some point she needs to stop letting her emotions get the best of her and deal with her feelings in a healthy way.
I'm just going to focus on the money issue, not debt or abuse.
There is no way you can expect your husband to fully understand the situation, unless you are completely honest with him.
Also, loaning money to family members is never a good idea. Because it causes friction in the relationship, usually because family doesn't make an effort to repay. They'll make an effort to pay a creditor, but not the people who bailed them out of the situation. This is just the way it is.
IF your hubby does decide to help your sister, it's better to consider the money a GIFT and not a loan. Gifts are given out of love, out of desire to help someone. Completely different mindset from a loan.
Another thing that bothers me is you don't have access to money, without his permission. The amount of money doesn't matter. It's the ability to buy what you need, when you need it, or take money out when you need to. This keeps you 100% dependent on HIM. This is a bad spot a lot of women get themselves into, in the name of love. You need to have money for yourself in a completely separate account, in your name only.
There is a fine line between helping someone and enabling them. Just be sure you aren't enabling your sister. Enabling doesn't help, it just let's that person know they can always depend on you to bail them out.
Except the OP came here to ask if – after entering in a marriage with someone who claimed to be on the same page as her about not ever wanting kids – it’s reasonable to expect him to take on the burden of contraception for a while. Since it’s been on her this whole time. And she would like the opportunity to give her body and mind a break from that responsibility. And the answer is yes. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect there to be a partnership in responsibility when the decision was made in a partnership. She is feeling upset because he has blindsided her by throwing their plans in the air with hypotheticals like her death, their divorce and most importantly with him suggesting he might change his mind about wanting kids.
Dude needs to step up if he is gonna throw a spammer in the works like that. If he really never wants biological kids like he said to OP, then even if he remarried he shouldn’t need his fertility anyway. He could also freeze sperm if it ends up not reversible.
Point is, he changed his mind. And now she feels like she has to carry the burden of that unless he either caves on a vasectomy or caves on his dislike of condom use.
I wouldn’t take her back. Imagine how easy it would be for her to cheat on you because someone told her too. ? she sounds exhausting. Get a better girlfriend.. she is still a child in the nursery.
Imagine yourself ten years from now, you had let things die out a long time ago with her because you couldn’t imagine that either of you would move across country for the other. But, you never asked. Do you regret not finding out where it could have gone with her? Do you regret not asking?
Open communication can surprise you. Tell her you’re developing feelings, but you have all these concerns. You like her but don’t want to get in too deep in something that may not be possible. Tell her how you feel. Hopefully she will tell you how she feels and the answer will be in all of that somewhere.
approach it from two ways: the fact that it hurts your feelings, and the fact that there's a good chance she has some kind of medical problem making her sleep too much. low iron, depression, narcolepsy, etc. for the good of herself and your relationship she should get it checked out.
I've been the “safe” partner in two relationships and they ended bad.
My ex had an ex that cheated on him and her previous husband before him. My ex felt that strong chemistry and it was like a drug.
In the end, I couldn't compare to the ghost of her memory. He was and is still infatuated with her even though she's moved on. He won't be happy until they're together again.
He could be using them experiment with anal play and therefore using them to pleasure only himself, but maybe in a way he is not ready to discuss yet. Could he be cheating? Yup, but the previous commenter was pointing out that it could be nerves about something other than cheating is possible.
This entire post made me sad. I could never go to a fancy restaurant with all the money my boyfriend makes (which went to rent) and expect him to sit there and only be able to afford a side?! What the heck? This relationship sounds awful just awful, in relationships you compromise and help each other out, not suck the other dry.
I do think you sound “entitled” about having to pay rent, you guys aren’t married and not in a long term relationship, you should probably explain to her that this situation isn’t working out for you and isn’t very fair, maybe putting down the rent, or seeing if you can come to an agreement? If she doesn’t want to change, then it’s time to move and move on!! It does seem like she’s taking advantage of you. I think you should move out.
Well, he wants to hire Ancestry to see if she cheated. So why shouldn’t OP make sure he doesn’t have an affair baby out there or a child from somebody he knocked up in high school who’s gonna come looking for college tuition?
Your husband took advantage of your black out drunk sister, which makes it rape, essentially. Get away from him. This may not even be the 1st time this happened & your sister probably couldn't tell you for sure. This act alone tells you his gross character.
Actions speak louder than words!!! You should be able to tell with how much pain your in. Remember, if she wanted to she would! Her words don’t mean shit if her actions don’t back them up. And guess what? You’re not married!! Right now is the EASIEST time to leave. You’re so unhappy and you haven’t even been together for a year… you’re ready to commit to a life of sadness and hurt? Why? Because you don’t want to be alone? She seems extremely insensitive, not having sex with you but talking about her sex life constantly and fawning over other dudes like man come on ???? that’s cheater energy right there. It’s be one thing if she was complimenting you and doing the stuff she says she would with you but Sexual people don’t become unsexual out of no where, eventually she’ll give into her temptations she’s clearly having. She’s pushing marriage for a reason, because she wants to trap you before you find out what a shitty person she is. And she’s not even doing a good job hiding it. the universe is blessing you and giving you all the signs before you’re actually stuck in a shitty marriage or shitty/expensive divorce. Leave now before she breaks your heart, you’re in a relationship to be loved not constant doubt and sadness. Being alone is so much better, it hurts but letting people treat you like shit will always do more damage and you don’t deserve that. You sound like a good man! Keep working on yourself and just enjoy life and the right person, who deserves your love, will come.
You talk like learning French is easy, and that all he has to do is stop refusing and decide to learn it, like a boyfriend who won't pick up his clothes off the bathroom floor. That couldn't be further from the truth. It would take hundreds of hours of study, and he might never achieve a level of fluency that would allow him to participate in French parties the way you would like.
If it's important to you to date a French speaker, then date one.
You aren’t even back together and he’s already acting like a shithead and hiding something from you? Why would he stop doing this if you got back together?
Trust your gut, this guy isn’t it. You deserve the whole damn cake, not crumbs!
If he wants a 50/50 split, he can choose to live within your means. I’m sure you’d probably be happy to split a 800/month mortgage or rent? Float this by him. He won’t like it, I guarantee, but maybe it will open his eyes.
But jokes aside, there are two options, keep f-ing and don't think too much about it, since you brought it upon yourself and you can't blame the other parties involved or tell him to pick either you or those two. The chances are not in your favor, two chocolates are better than one, good luck.
You’re still young so you haven’t learned this lesson properly yet: don’t associate with people who cheat on their significant others OR who act as the other person ie the other man or woman, whatever. Especially avoid people who make a habit of it like your friend. What it says about your friend is that she doesn’t respect other people’s relationships and thinks she is above widely held morals and customs regarding those relationships.
I used to have a friend err someone I thought was a friend who was a womanizer and would routinely hook up with women who had boyfriends or husbands. I recognized he was kind of an asshole but I thought he was my asshole. On the face he was a good and loyal friend to me. And then he hooked up with my gf when I was out of town, granted I blame her, too, but honestly I was more hurt and angry about him because she and I were already rocky and he knew that.
Again people who cheat and facilitate other people cheating are always liars and manipulators. Don’t be fooled, they’ll betray you, too, if given an opportunity, and it suits them or they were drunk or whatever. Cause that’s another thing, people like that always have an excuse and it just seems to happen to them so they say.
Wow. Please see a therapist and block your mom on everything. She has been toxic to you for your entire life. Your husband sounds amazing. It also sounds like he's almost at his limit with your mom. Cut her out, please, and start to heal. Don't let what she said stay in your head. Listen to your husband and only him (and friends if you have any). As children(young or not), we get used to making excuses for the horrible things our parents say. Stop with the excuses. You deserve happiness. It will not come with that “mother” of yours. She doesn't deserve the mom title. If you ever need mom advice, go to r/momforaminute or r/internetparents. (Yes, there is r/dadforaminute, also.)
it’s a common occurrence to witness cheating irl or be directly affected by it. It should be mandatory if a man will be legally tied to a women even tho she deceived him. I doubt that’s why they are exes. It’s more along the lines of normally women would understand the mans point of view. Op ITA for not being concerned about what men fear. Two nights ago some bitch Ik tried to smash that has a fiancé. Bitches be wildin. (Men suck too, every one sucks calm down) we should all be legally accountable
I’m not getting real answers on what the real abortion age is, my primary care physician told me I was too far along.
I didn’t know he was that bad, he’s a very respectful guy who doesn’t have any conservative views on anything, just that guys should be a bit more masculine in their approach to women (not defending him).
I know because she has apps that track her period. And I’m sure I’m not confusing ovulation day with period days lol. As for the article, read it again, or search online for other articles if you want.
I mean… it more alarming in my opinion that he hangs out with enough people that use enough drugs so frequently that it would be profitable. If most his friends are junkies/tweakers/crackheads that is a problem whether he sells to them or not. How much does your bf use, and what’s he on?
Okay, yeah, those things are weird. I can see why she’s a bit uncomfortable here.
You need to think before you act. If you know you overstep boundaries with female friends, then think before you message. Pause before you hit send. Take a breath when you’re about to lie. Think about these relationships and why there important to you, and if you have even minor lingering feelings for any of these women, distance yourself from them.
I don't understand why women do this tbh, say you've got a partner, no thanks and be on your way it's not hard now all she's done is lead him on because every time she sees him now he thinks she's interested.
If you’re worried about the child’s father, she can always find a future partner who would be willing to adopt the child. Also she said she has the financial means, not everyone needs both parents. The only point of contention here is that the guy doesn’t want it and that’s ok, he doesn’t have to
I don't know every time someone has told me they need to think about it, it's ended up being the end. I'm just not sure if I'm suppose to wait for an amount of time before I give up and move on…
Expect all her promises to disappear once she has to make them legall binding.
What she's doing now is making non-binding promises in the hopes that you just let her do what she wants to do. Once that happens, she takes back all her promises and leaves you in the dust.
Once you get a lawyer involved, this will almost certainly get ugly. She thinks she's smarter than you and she deserves to take the kids and do what she wants. Once that notion is challenged, she is going to likely go berserk.
Good grief, it absolutely sounds like another child would be a big mistake. It sounds like she wants a child for not great reasons, a baby can't “redeem ” her. A baby will be a person with lots of needs of its own. My God, she spent 2 years hardly being able to walk, so how well was she able to care for for the 6 and 3 year old children?! And as a surgeon she should know that just because she's feeling better NOW doesn't mean it will last. Sounds like she might have MS, am I right? She shouldn't put that kind of pressure on her body. She has plenty if ficus on with 2 kids. And if you have mental health issues and fear possibly being the main caregiver for 3 kids and you wife, DON'T DO IT. Having a child requires 2 YESES.
That’s absolutely true. I wasn’t the best boyfriend but we did have a solid relationship and cared about each other. I was close to her parents she was close to mine. It just sucks having her angry when we ended things on good terms. I totally get why she’d be upset and that’s why I had her blocked from seeing my posts of my new gf but didn’t want to outright unfollow her..if that makes sense. Maybe it was unrealistic to think we could remain friends
I guess I’m trying to get other people’s opinion about the situation. He keeps telling me that he swears on everything he loves that nothing happened. But I just feel so disrespected either way. He asked me to forgive him but how?
Does he want separate finances or not? He can’t have his cake and eat it to.
If you guys decide to not do separate finances anymore, it seems like making a budget would be the easiest way of doing things. My ex and I had one and we each got an “allowance” each month that was money we could spend however we wanted, no questions asked
One of the easiest ways I found to mention my partner is to just bring it up casually no matter what.
Examples:
“How long have you lived in ______?” “Oh about a year. Moved here with my partner!”
“What do you do for fun?” “Well me and my partner love to play board games with friends.”
I just usually make any conversation about “me and my partner” to start because it seems the easiest way to let them know quickly that I’m taken and not not looking. Some ppl have walked away soon after, so I know it works ?
Unfair to the child, to KNOWINGLY do it. Yes, many children grow up without a parent because they die. But to choose to do that to a child is a different matter altogether.
So many red flags, get out of there. He will want you to do everything his mom does when she's not there anymore
If you want to be with someone don't split.
If you split, don't get back together.
If you get back together, whatever happened while you were split needs to be disclosed.
If it wasn't disclosed, that's about the same as cheating.
Have you considered the fact that maybe he caused the split to hook up with someone guilt-free? Then just got back with you when it wasn't new anymore?
Why would you still sleep with him knowing he had a gf then regret it afterwards. You’re gross, just like him.
All you can do is tell your friend that he won't be part of group text messages where people talk about private things, and that is HIS decision. You don't know his girlfriend of 4 months as well as you know the rest of the group, nor did you choose to befriend her and bring her in. Of course you don't want her reading messages that are about private issues.
Sure you can still invite him to things and use text messages to communicate normal things- how was your day, congrats on X, whatever- but he cannot expect the group to just include his girlfriend in private conversations.
Tell your friend and his girlfriend- they get to decide if they want to read each other's text messages, and YOU get to decide what kind of text messages you send to people. The GF saying you shouldn't care if nothing “dodgy” is going on is remarkably ignorant- or intentionally manipulative because of course that isn't true. I have friends I will tell my relationship issues, and some I don't tell as much. That can be because of trust, longevity of friendship, prior history, the advice they give, relationship with my partner, etc. She doesn't get to decide that it is fine if she gets in on personal conversations.
Tell the friend he is making his own choice here, and by the way if he says she isn't reading them anymore, of course don't believe him.
This is called trickle truthing…there is more chicken on this bone if you keep digging.
No I agree with you. When you think about it, it's a cesspool of all the people no one else wanted. This guy was not horrible looking and very tall, so that's a big part of why I agreed. But he's 27 years old and it was very obvious to me why he's single after meeting him on this “date”.
Here's my full story: A man took me out on a “date”. He had invited me. I was really excited, blew off a work project, got new heels, a dress, and was excited to be wined and dined. I really did put in a lot of time, money, and energy trying to impress him and be good company. I didn't ask him about whether he was paying and expected him to pay since he asked me out. When the bill came, he just gave me a blank stare. I asked him if he was taking care of it and he just said “No”. I got visibly upset and he started bragging about other women that wanted him, then threatened to get up and leave if I didn't pay when I started crying. I panicked about being left with the whole bill. I also was honestly extremely insulted because I had invested a lot getting ready to impress him and was excited to see this guy, and this felt like a massive smack in the face. He said we could split it and we both put in our cards. Turns out, he had actually LOCKED his card. The waitress came back and said “I'm really sorry, his card didn't work” and she told me my card got charged for BOTH meals. Wanting to be “nice”, I didn't complain, I just said that's okay and signed the check, but I'm wondering if this was my legal obligation. Can I complain to the restaurant? I feel as though it was not fair he bullied me into paying for him and I got screwed over for trying to be a good person and pay my share out of respect for the restaurant, even though it was a date HE asked me on. But then the restaurant charged me for BOTH meals because this guy locked his card. The guy also seemed very, very pleased with himself that he didn't need to pay and wouldn't leave a tip either, so I had to put down the little cash I had (20) too. It was 100 for both plus tip and this guy refused to pay anything and bullied me into paying for him by locking his card. I'm not sure what else I could have done and feel really bad about the whole thing. Could I have asked to only pay for myself? ALSO: since my house was down the street from the restaurant, I stupidly let him talk me into “walking me home” and then when we got to my door, he said he had to use the bathroom so I stupidly let him inside. He then took his shoes off and tried to stay, and I had to kick him out. Thankfully my 30 year old roommate was there, so the guy sheepishly left when he realized another man was in the house, but I'm worried something terrible could have happened. I'm kind of shocked at my naivety looking back. Could he have bullied me into segs too if my roommate wasn't there? TLDR: Guy bullied me into paying and I was really really shocked and unsure how to handle it. How do I avoid this happening again? my mom said it would have been rude to ask upfront if he was paying and i wasted my time and feel terrible and traumatized. I also feel as thought I was unintelligent, thoughts? i feel so “soft” and foolish for crying, letting him bully me, and paying the WHOLE bill for this privilege. plenty of women are saying i'm really dumb and they would have just walked out. Update: He texted me a week after this ordeal, says he was really excited to get to know me, he “doesn't see not paying as undervaluing me at all”, he wishes we could have kissed, and really wants to meet again. In this case, should I ask him to send me the cash back or just ignore him?
There is a group in telegram about her town and a lot of people told me that about her
OP the abusive one is your wife. My God. How can you stand living with someone who treats you that way?
Why in the world can’t she setup her own software? She’s a goddamn adult and you can google how to do this step by step.
She’s upset that you made food because it wasn’t the way she wanted it done? What an asshole. Really. It’s obnoxious.
Honestly I would think about divorce now while you are young. Also if money is tight you aren’t controlling any one. It is just how It is now. I struggle with this with my wife. If you have 100 dollars to last a week you can’t go spend 99 today. Ugh. How could she expect to travel if you only have 35 dollars.
Just ask her directly.
Sounds about right.
why is your exs boyfriend taking your (truck), its cool if its a car no judgment.
I mean he probably fucked her, not just received head.
He’s making it sound like he only got a blow job when he probably fucked her too.
All of its bad period but to some getting oral is not as bad as PIV.
Here's the thing, I almost always pay on my dates with my gf. But it's my choice. She always insists to split, and often demands to pick up the check herself as she feels it's only fair. 'Whoever asks pays' is a small minded approach.
Thread tl;dr but you've been together for a significant period of time since you were teenagers, what, in high school? If you're disagreeing about a terrible lot, I would say the risk:reward ratio is there to break up. We're not an agricultural society where so much of so many people's lifestyle revolves around having enough kids to tend the fields or whatever; it doesn't make as much sense to get together when you're young and stay together for the rest of your lives: not as many people will tell you “good job” for that and not as many people will think worse of you if you don't. You'll be giving up so many other valid opportunities and for what? So both of you can resent the other?
To be honest, your parents should be the one taking action. They are in-fact breading this behaviour and eventually it will go out of control n do more damage.
Dude, don't go back no matter what, you don't deserve to be abuse. You did the right thing. She is horrible and you deserve better.
Don't forget to say Goodbye.
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so last night i went to my gf house for a family party for new years. her fam is big on drinking so i drank. i got pretty drunk (my gf did too) & wasn't going to risk driving home so i stayed the night. her cousin (19f?) & her friend (19f?) did the same. we were all drunk (great i know)
the 4 of us slept in the same room, with me & my gf on the bed & them 2 in a air mattress about 4-5 ft away from us. we were all getting ready to go to bed so the lights were turned off & everything. then my gf starts grabbing & rubbing my dick. after like 30 seconds i push her hand away cause i do not want to do that with people in the room.
this happens continuously for a while & i keep whispering “i don't want to do this” “there's people in the room”, “we shouldn't”, etc. after a while she stops but after tossing & turning for a bit she starts to do it again. she keeps doing the same stuff & i keep reacting the same way but it just went on for so long eventually i caved in (my fault, ik).
i felt like i couldn't really put a hard stop to it cause i couldn't be loud as there were other people in the room who may or may not have been awake.
we had sex as quiet as possible until she finished & i was ready to sleep until she starts begging me to finish too. once again i caved in but with a condition, that she would swallow all my you know so there wouldn't be much clean up. she agreed but proceeded to not do that & let me make a mess on myself.
this ain't the first time she's done something like this, there's been a few other instances. also for context we've been dating almost a year and a half. i don't know how to feel
TL;DR i feel like my gf pressured me to have sex while they were other people in the room who may or may not have been sleeping. i repeatedly showed i didn't want to but she kept pressing me so i caved in.
Her defense mechanisms are going up hardcore. I’m guessing she had to rely on herself as a child and developed an extremely stubborn nature that once served her well, but is now wreaking havoc? Makes it hard to realize she’s the problem now.
Your child would want a happy mother more than they would want their mum and dad to be together. Trust me, my biggest wish as a kid was that my parents would divorce.
You're holding so tightly onto this marriage because you are not meant to be in it. If you were, you wouldn't need to work so hard to make it work.
I wish you the best. You deserve it.
Would she be totally cool if your best friends are female and you have set up a cruise just FOR YOU AND YOUR 2 FEMALE FRIENDS TO ATTEND???
Because I'm willing to bet SHE WOULD HAVE ALOT OF ISSUES YOU HAVING A NICE VACATION WITH 2 OTHER WOMEN SHE HASNT EVEN MET AND FEELING COMPLETELY EXCLUDED IN SOMETHING THAT IS SUPPOSED FOR HER to enjoy with you!!!
I have problem celebrating her achievements, but not at the expense of taking money from her pocket. I had no problem eating once we got home
With the extra information you are giving in the comments it honestly sounds like it would be best if you get a job and slowly start planning your safe escape for yourself and the kids. It sounds like you’re in a very, very hard situation, and doing the best you can.
I’d have agreed with what you’re saying but the thing is she’s always had the freedom to do what she wanted I’ve known her at uni for 4 years now she friends with party people drug users etc but was always different. She’s always safe but it’s just how sudden and drastic the change has been that has me concerned.
They can be changed, usually just not last minute. But OP wasn’t asking her to not go, his ultimatum was talk to me before you leave or we’re done.
Your husband is being defensiveness. And all defensive responses have one thing in common, they center the defensive persons perspective with out making room for the other persons. For example if he really was joking, a non defensive response would be “oh, I was trying to lighten the mood, but that didn’t go over well, sorry about that.” Where he shares his intent but then gives empathy for the hurt the other person feels, making room for both sides. Or if he thinks saying sorry is admitting a mistake, another non defensive response would be this. “My intent was to lighten the mood. But I see that what I said bothered you, and I don’t want that. Let’s discuss this so we’re both on the same page on what to do in times like this.”
In both examples he makes room for both peoples perspective. If however his response is simply, I was only joking, he’s speaking up for himself but is lacking any acknowledgment, validation, or understanding of how the other person feels. And if he wants others to respect his perspective, he has to do the same for them, and if he’s being defensive he’s not doing that. In essence, it’s a self absorbed way of problem solving. If he does this a lot, it might be something that needs therapy to change. If it’s only on occasion, maybe google defensiveness in relationships and solutions for it and see if there are tips Yep here that can help.
It sounds like its time for a break from MIL. Whose name is on the lease, if it's yours or fiance let your MIL know that she can find somewhere else to stay, you need time and distance to settle this issue. If her name go somewhere else.
Good to know, that’s helpful especially knowing others go through a similar situation and can end up fine!
I experienced this type of retroactive jealousy in my first relationship too. For some reason, it got worse as time went on because I loved that person more and more so it made me more jealous.
Honestly the only thing that really 'fixed' this type of thinking is seeing other people after we broke up and realizing that I had nothing to be jealous of. I never told my partner about my jealousy though so maybe if I had, things would have been different.
I'm not really sure what advice to give. You can look up retroactive jealousy which is jealousy of your partner's previous partners. Maybe you can find some insight there. I think this kind of jealousy is entirely irrational and I think your girlfriend must know that on a logical level but she's speaking from her emotions.
Maybe have her look it up too and take the advice people give. She needs to talk to a friend or therapist about this and not only you because at this point she's taking her anger out on you and being mean. At some point she needs to stop letting her emotions get the best of her and deal with her feelings in a healthy way.
A lot of issues going on here.
I'm just going to focus on the money issue, not debt or abuse.
There is no way you can expect your husband to fully understand the situation, unless you are completely honest with him.
Also, loaning money to family members is never a good idea. Because it causes friction in the relationship, usually because family doesn't make an effort to repay. They'll make an effort to pay a creditor, but not the people who bailed them out of the situation. This is just the way it is.
IF your hubby does decide to help your sister, it's better to consider the money a GIFT and not a loan. Gifts are given out of love, out of desire to help someone. Completely different mindset from a loan.
Another thing that bothers me is you don't have access to money, without his permission. The amount of money doesn't matter. It's the ability to buy what you need, when you need it, or take money out when you need to. This keeps you 100% dependent on HIM. This is a bad spot a lot of women get themselves into, in the name of love. You need to have money for yourself in a completely separate account, in your name only.
There is a fine line between helping someone and enabling them. Just be sure you aren't enabling your sister. Enabling doesn't help, it just let's that person know they can always depend on you to bail them out.
Except the OP came here to ask if – after entering in a marriage with someone who claimed to be on the same page as her about not ever wanting kids – it’s reasonable to expect him to take on the burden of contraception for a while. Since it’s been on her this whole time. And she would like the opportunity to give her body and mind a break from that responsibility. And the answer is yes. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect there to be a partnership in responsibility when the decision was made in a partnership. She is feeling upset because he has blindsided her by throwing their plans in the air with hypotheticals like her death, their divorce and most importantly with him suggesting he might change his mind about wanting kids.
Dude needs to step up if he is gonna throw a spammer in the works like that. If he really never wants biological kids like he said to OP, then even if he remarried he shouldn’t need his fertility anyway. He could also freeze sperm if it ends up not reversible.
Point is, he changed his mind. And now she feels like she has to carry the burden of that unless he either caves on a vasectomy or caves on his dislike of condom use.
Sure. But then you've given up. You're not partners anymore.
Thanks for the update! This is heartwarming 🙂 and congrats on the soon to be sibling.
I wouldn’t take her back. Imagine how easy it would be for her to cheat on you because someone told her too. ? she sounds exhausting. Get a better girlfriend.. she is still a child in the nursery.
What's a fair exchange? So he had a wife who exclusively loved and respected him. So what will be the fair exchange?
Imagine yourself ten years from now, you had let things die out a long time ago with her because you couldn’t imagine that either of you would move across country for the other. But, you never asked. Do you regret not finding out where it could have gone with her? Do you regret not asking?
Open communication can surprise you. Tell her you’re developing feelings, but you have all these concerns. You like her but don’t want to get in too deep in something that may not be possible. Tell her how you feel. Hopefully she will tell you how she feels and the answer will be in all of that somewhere.
approach it from two ways: the fact that it hurts your feelings, and the fact that there's a good chance she has some kind of medical problem making her sleep too much. low iron, depression, narcolepsy, etc. for the good of herself and your relationship she should get it checked out.
I've been the “safe” partner in two relationships and they ended bad.
My ex had an ex that cheated on him and her previous husband before him. My ex felt that strong chemistry and it was like a drug.
In the end, I couldn't compare to the ghost of her memory. He was and is still infatuated with her even though she's moved on. He won't be happy until they're together again.
Jesus Christ no putting on some warm shorts over your skivvies isn’t being forced to change your whole life lmfao
Yes! Yes all of this!
He could be using them experiment with anal play and therefore using them to pleasure only himself, but maybe in a way he is not ready to discuss yet. Could he be cheating? Yup, but the previous commenter was pointing out that it could be nerves about something other than cheating is possible.
I can totally see that, thank you for your input
This entire post made me sad. I could never go to a fancy restaurant with all the money my boyfriend makes (which went to rent) and expect him to sit there and only be able to afford a side?! What the heck? This relationship sounds awful just awful, in relationships you compromise and help each other out, not suck the other dry.
I do think you sound “entitled” about having to pay rent, you guys aren’t married and not in a long term relationship, you should probably explain to her that this situation isn’t working out for you and isn’t very fair, maybe putting down the rent, or seeing if you can come to an agreement? If she doesn’t want to change, then it’s time to move and move on!! It does seem like she’s taking advantage of you. I think you should move out.
I just get worried that I’m not living up to some expectations or some.
Oh boy. A professional troll. All over this post huh
babe he’s a groomer, i’m sorry
Can confirm on the disappoint word. Husband gets himself into knots if he thinks he’s disappointed me in any way.
You can stay in love with her while divorcing her. Divorcing her might be a wake up call she needs.
You don’t. Go to therapy and work on your childhood wounding instead. Hugs.
Well, he wants to hire Ancestry to see if she cheated. So why shouldn’t OP make sure he doesn’t have an affair baby out there or a child from somebody he knocked up in high school who’s gonna come looking for college tuition?
She's not crazy, she's just a teenager. Neither of them are mature enough to be handling this commitment.
These comments are why you can’t go on Reddit asking for advice ?
Your husband took advantage of your black out drunk sister, which makes it rape, essentially. Get away from him. This may not even be the 1st time this happened & your sister probably couldn't tell you for sure. This act alone tells you his gross character.
It means he has no idea how to describe what he is feeling but it seems good lol.
It means he has no idea how to describe what he is feeling but it seems good lol.
Actions speak louder than words!!! You should be able to tell with how much pain your in. Remember, if she wanted to she would! Her words don’t mean shit if her actions don’t back them up. And guess what? You’re not married!! Right now is the EASIEST time to leave. You’re so unhappy and you haven’t even been together for a year… you’re ready to commit to a life of sadness and hurt? Why? Because you don’t want to be alone? She seems extremely insensitive, not having sex with you but talking about her sex life constantly and fawning over other dudes like man come on ???? that’s cheater energy right there. It’s be one thing if she was complimenting you and doing the stuff she says she would with you but Sexual people don’t become unsexual out of no where, eventually she’ll give into her temptations she’s clearly having. She’s pushing marriage for a reason, because she wants to trap you before you find out what a shitty person she is. And she’s not even doing a good job hiding it. the universe is blessing you and giving you all the signs before you’re actually stuck in a shitty marriage or shitty/expensive divorce. Leave now before she breaks your heart, you’re in a relationship to be loved not constant doubt and sadness. Being alone is so much better, it hurts but letting people treat you like shit will always do more damage and you don’t deserve that. You sound like a good man! Keep working on yourself and just enjoy life and the right person, who deserves your love, will come.
Doesn't cultural chauvinism imply a form of exclusivity/sense of superiority? I just think it'd be nice if he integrated the society he lives in
Cookie monster vag master. ?
You talk like learning French is easy, and that all he has to do is stop refusing and decide to learn it, like a boyfriend who won't pick up his clothes off the bathroom floor. That couldn't be further from the truth. It would take hundreds of hours of study, and he might never achieve a level of fluency that would allow him to participate in French parties the way you would like.
If it's important to you to date a French speaker, then date one.
How do you usually self soothe when something upsets you?
You aren’t even back together and he’s already acting like a shithead and hiding something from you? Why would he stop doing this if you got back together?
Trust your gut, this guy isn’t it. You deserve the whole damn cake, not crumbs!
I guess but we're not talking about a husband and wife situation. We're talking about 2 week dating situation.
Also, telling someone what and who they can share things with is a sure fire way of having the relationship end. This is just my opinion.
If he wants a 50/50 split, he can choose to live within your means. I’m sure you’d probably be happy to split a 800/month mortgage or rent? Float this by him. He won’t like it, I guarantee, but maybe it will open his eyes.
I would be thankful you haven’t sent out invitations yet. At least now you don’t have to send out cancellation notices.
I’m not saying you have to leave him right now, but I wouldn’t legally tie myself to someone who treated my like that.
Yes, most people keep gifts from their previous partners.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes…
But jokes aside, there are two options, keep f-ing and don't think too much about it, since you brought it upon yourself and you can't blame the other parties involved or tell him to pick either you or those two. The chances are not in your favor, two chocolates are better than one, good luck.
You’re still young so you haven’t learned this lesson properly yet: don’t associate with people who cheat on their significant others OR who act as the other person ie the other man or woman, whatever. Especially avoid people who make a habit of it like your friend. What it says about your friend is that she doesn’t respect other people’s relationships and thinks she is above widely held morals and customs regarding those relationships.
I used to have a friend err someone I thought was a friend who was a womanizer and would routinely hook up with women who had boyfriends or husbands. I recognized he was kind of an asshole but I thought he was my asshole. On the face he was a good and loyal friend to me. And then he hooked up with my gf when I was out of town, granted I blame her, too, but honestly I was more hurt and angry about him because she and I were already rocky and he knew that.
Again people who cheat and facilitate other people cheating are always liars and manipulators. Don’t be fooled, they’ll betray you, too, if given an opportunity, and it suits them or they were drunk or whatever. Cause that’s another thing, people like that always have an excuse and it just seems to happen to them so they say.
Find a new friend.
Wow. Please see a therapist and block your mom on everything. She has been toxic to you for your entire life. Your husband sounds amazing. It also sounds like he's almost at his limit with your mom. Cut her out, please, and start to heal. Don't let what she said stay in your head. Listen to your husband and only him (and friends if you have any). As children(young or not), we get used to making excuses for the horrible things our parents say. Stop with the excuses. You deserve happiness. It will not come with that “mother” of yours. She doesn't deserve the mom title. If you ever need mom advice, go to r/momforaminute or r/internetparents. (Yes, there is r/dadforaminute, also.)
Just no. Move on. Work out your parenting roles. His loss.
Thank you for this, so many people shame me for staying like you don’t get it ?
Gross.
it’s a common occurrence to witness cheating irl or be directly affected by it. It should be mandatory if a man will be legally tied to a women even tho she deceived him. I doubt that’s why they are exes. It’s more along the lines of normally women would understand the mans point of view. Op ITA for not being concerned about what men fear. Two nights ago some bitch Ik tried to smash that has a fiancé. Bitches be wildin. (Men suck too, every one sucks calm down) we should all be legally accountable
I’m not getting real answers on what the real abortion age is, my primary care physician told me I was too far along.
I didn’t know he was that bad, he’s a very respectful guy who doesn’t have any conservative views on anything, just that guys should be a bit more masculine in their approach to women (not defending him).
Gather all the evidence and drain talks accounts.
Thank you for the response. I think that’s a pretty good approach.
“I’m accepting of her kid but I don’t want her to have a relationship with her kid because he isn’t mine”
I know because she has apps that track her period. And I’m sure I’m not confusing ovulation day with period days lol. As for the article, read it again, or search online for other articles if you want.
I mean… it more alarming in my opinion that he hangs out with enough people that use enough drugs so frequently that it would be profitable. If most his friends are junkies/tweakers/crackheads that is a problem whether he sells to them or not. How much does your bf use, and what’s he on?
Okay, yeah, those things are weird. I can see why she’s a bit uncomfortable here.
You need to think before you act. If you know you overstep boundaries with female friends, then think before you message. Pause before you hit send. Take a breath when you’re about to lie. Think about these relationships and why there important to you, and if you have even minor lingering feelings for any of these women, distance yourself from them.
Thank you for posting that story, that made my whole morning
I don't understand why women do this tbh, say you've got a partner, no thanks and be on your way it's not hard now all she's done is lead him on because every time she sees him now he thinks she's interested.
If you’re worried about the child’s father, she can always find a future partner who would be willing to adopt the child. Also she said she has the financial means, not everyone needs both parents. The only point of contention here is that the guy doesn’t want it and that’s ok, he doesn’t have to
I don't know every time someone has told me they need to think about it, it's ended up being the end. I'm just not sure if I'm suppose to wait for an amount of time before I give up and move on…
Expect all her promises to disappear once she has to make them legall binding.
What she's doing now is making non-binding promises in the hopes that you just let her do what she wants to do. Once that happens, she takes back all her promises and leaves you in the dust.
Once you get a lawyer involved, this will almost certainly get ugly. She thinks she's smarter than you and she deserves to take the kids and do what she wants. Once that notion is challenged, she is going to likely go berserk.
Good grief, it absolutely sounds like another child would be a big mistake. It sounds like she wants a child for not great reasons, a baby can't “redeem ” her. A baby will be a person with lots of needs of its own. My God, she spent 2 years hardly being able to walk, so how well was she able to care for for the 6 and 3 year old children?! And as a surgeon she should know that just because she's feeling better NOW doesn't mean it will last. Sounds like she might have MS, am I right? She shouldn't put that kind of pressure on her body. She has plenty if ficus on with 2 kids. And if you have mental health issues and fear possibly being the main caregiver for 3 kids and you wife, DON'T DO IT. Having a child requires 2 YESES.
The misogyny in these comments is fucking wild. Men are liable to KILL US if we don't play nice with them.
That’s absolutely true. I wasn’t the best boyfriend but we did have a solid relationship and cared about each other. I was close to her parents she was close to mine. It just sucks having her angry when we ended things on good terms. I totally get why she’d be upset and that’s why I had her blocked from seeing my posts of my new gf but didn’t want to outright unfollow her..if that makes sense. Maybe it was unrealistic to think we could remain friends
I guess I’m trying to get other people’s opinion about the situation. He keeps telling me that he swears on everything he loves that nothing happened. But I just feel so disrespected either way. He asked me to forgive him but how?
If it was a joke/conversation that might have offended her, she might just not want to talk about it
What advice are you after? I’d have been gone a long time ago. You can do better than this shit show.
She's on a dating app actively planning dates and meet-ups.
I get that your lives are intertwined but don't buy into the sunk cost fallacy and get out while you still can.
Does he want separate finances or not? He can’t have his cake and eat it to.
If you guys decide to not do separate finances anymore, it seems like making a budget would be the easiest way of doing things. My ex and I had one and we each got an “allowance” each month that was money we could spend however we wanted, no questions asked