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♥Kim & Wayne ❤, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
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Whoa whoa I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. Even my ex would say in his words that we would fight over small things. The only thing I recall fighting over were these things and it wasn’t so constant. I agree that these aren’t small things but damn you’re trying to villainize me and we both had faults to our relationship. Like whoa wtf
INFO: You say “newly intense” religious belief. Did something happen? Has he been a Christian this whole time and the zeal is newish or is the religious belief itself new? You guys are using his old pastor, so, how long since he walked away?
I will say that hyper religious belief/behavior is pretty common in new believers and frequently fades over time.
As someone who has had a few psychotic breakdowns, the 72 hour hold is just the start. Psychiatric facilities are not calming places, I can almost guarantee that the break from her routine and her obsession (secret codes on reddit) is likely to trigger a meltdown. At least in my state, the holds start at 72 hours, then the doctors can put in for a 14 day hold if they believe she is not safe. The patient can contest this in court, however given your descriptions of your wife's state of mind I doubt she would be successful. The holds increase in length from there. If they do not believe she is safe, she will not be released.
In my opinion, the best case scenario is that she stays in the facility until they have balanced her medications and she has regained clarity.
Again, as someone who has spent far too much time in the psych ward, these are the best things you can do to help her:
Bring her books. Electronics are not allowed in any psych ward I have heard of. Bring her books she loves or by authors she has already read. Should she regain some clarity while she is in there, having something to do will help to lower the stresses of being held there against her will. If she has other appropriate hobbies (coloring, writing, sudokus, crosswords, etc) do what you can to provide them. Cheap disposable stuff from the dollar store or Amazon is fine. Make sure she has comfortable clothes. It will depend on her taste but some cheap sweats would go a long way. Look up the facilities visitation rules. Covid proved that all “patient rights” can be revoked any time on a whim, and not all facilities have opened up visitation again despite it being a right of all psychiatric patients. She may not want to see YOU right now, but there should be someone she would want to see. Start with family (mom, dad, siblings, etc) only inform her friends if they are VERY close and are a significant part of her support system. Further expanding on number three, see what their policies are on outside food. Most facilities do not want to deal with it, but some of my happiest memories from inside a psych ward were when a good friend brought me my favorite take out and we chatted till the time ran out. Advocate for her to ensure she is getting the care she needs. At all the facilities I have been to, I have had to fight to see a therapist while I was there. Unfortunately, most people see psych wards as a “holding tank” but they should have therapists on staff and if you push you may be able to get her on their lists. Be ready to hit the ground running when she gets out. See if your insurance covers IN PERSON IOP (intensive outpatient) therapy, or PHP (partial hospitalization). Try and see if you can get her on a wait list while she is in treatment. they will insist on a doctors referral so advocate for her to the psychiatric facility staff. Until the meds really start to work, there is no chance she will understand she needs help and she WILL NOT advocate for herself to get the help she needs. IOP is 3 hours of group therapy and classes 3-5 days a week to teach her coping skills, and to get the crazy stuff in her head out in a supportive environment. PHP is 6 hours 5-6 days a week of the same. Hopefully, meds will help, but she will need ongoing treatment to manage the trauma her mind has put her through these last months, and to deal with what the meds don't fix, because meds are never a perfect fix.
Sorry for the wall of text, hope some of it helps. If you have any questions, ill do my best to answer them.
You’re entitled to your boundaries and standards but might consider living with someone before marriage. Also, I think it’s fair to say your really narrowing your chances of a lasting relationship with standards this strict.
You have your boundaries, nothing wrong with that.
Although from personal experience and many others I know. I'd highly recommend living together before you get married. I seen so many couples, even those who dated 6 years or longer who knew each other perfectly, break up soon after they started living together (whether they were married or not). Knowing someone without having lived together will never give you the full picture. Living together is often the make or break in a relationship. You'll see sides of each other you'd otherwise never see, trust me.
Maybe you can try living together when you get engaged? But yeah, see what you prefer personally.
Your boyfriends a pedo ffs. Age play? I threw up in my mouth. He probably imagines how old u were 10 years ago.
She sounds like a fucking nightmare
LOL its not but thanks for your useless input.
Fuck you and your spam posts.
My look on it is it was a long time ago so I feel like I can look past it but what has me questioning myself and the relationship is the manipulation and disrespect he puts onto me over the situation and has me ready to call it quits he dosent know I now know and found the receipts of his actions and I don’t know what my next step is
Nah see, this whole ” you gotta respond to me while you're at work,” thing is my first issue. You're at work, you should be focused on work.
just know this, if you stay, the only change you’ll see in him, is this kind of shit getting worse, and likely physical.
Thank you, best of luck to you too
Once a liar always a liar
And you should not feel pressured to be with and sleep with someone who has XY chromosomes if you want a partner with XX chromosomes
Ok
r/legaladvice if she follows through, but that's highly doubtful. sorry about your shitty mom ://
Trust me, it isn't me. But surely youll feel good in your own little bubble not empathizing with me. Why did I come here. Thought relationship_advice were will with empaths. Guess not.
The issue is I'm trying to empathize with you and you're making it hard. In fact you're making it so hard that I legitimately think that you have a bigger role in these problems than you think.
Nope, you don't get it. Accusing me of lying about somebody's tone of voice. If someone approached you rude as hell, you'd have a problem about it. But that's your life I guess. Easier said than done.
I would absolutely have a problem with it. But it wouldn't be to this level. It sounds like you have a massive chip on your shoulder and that's making to hard to give you advice.
Why did I come here. Thought relationship_advice were will with empaths. Guess not.
You make it hard to empathize with you. Look at the way you're being extremely aggressive. I'm trying to communicate with you but you're making it extremely hard. You may not like what I'm saying but you keep proving my point by continuing to be aggressive instead of actually addressing what I'm saying.
You're deflecting extremely hard.
Jesus Christ! How can you be this delusional? It's not about the gift but how you went about it. Some gifts aren't meant to be surprises. You sit them both down and say “hey, I see your car is getting old and I wanted to get you this car for your birthday as a way to celebrate you and thank you for everything you've done for me. Would that be ok?”
There's a reason you inform them first. Buying them a car comes with alot of expenses on their part too. From maintenance to insurance to all the other stuffs they have to pay for for a new car. Do they have that kind of money to do so monthly? Will this affect their finances negatively? You've gotta think about this indepthly because this is a big gift. Secondly, it is disrespectful to her husband.
Regardless of what you say or what kind of relationship you both have, you are not her brother be it biological or adopted so even if you are both as close as siblings can be, you aren't her brother and her husband knows that and seeing this gift would raise certain alarm bells in his head. He's human afterall. Even if you wanted the gift to be a surprise to her then you had to at least talk to her husband first if for nothing else then as a heads up. You discussed this with your partner and someone fail to the how not informing them could negatively impact their relationship.
If you're being financially careful and your gf's close friend buys her a car without telling you, how would you feel? Would that be appropriate? If your friend was single and unattached then gift her whatever you want but she's not. There's another person mixed up in this dynamic and his feelings in their relationship matter even more than yours do. Do you know the level of fights and drama you've brought into their life with your gift? Communication is important. You may not need his permission to buy her a car but you certainly need to inform him that you are doing so. That way he'd have the opportunity to say “Oh, that's nice but we're having money problems now and cannot handle the added expense of maintaining a new car” or “Oh, that car has sentimental value to her. That's why she still drives it. Perhaps you could look into getting her something else of equal value?” He'd have the opportunity to let you know any additional information that could influence your decision but you didn't do that.
What you did is an amazing thing but how you did it is completely wrong. You need to apologise first for how you went about it and explain that you just wanted to do something nice for her after all they've done for you. Would you wanna be the reason she quarrels with her husband? Things like this can break a marriage if care isn't taken. You two aren't siblings so the idea that maybe there's something more going on between you two may not be far from his mind especially if you're gifting her something worth thousands of dollars. Regardless of your intent, you aren't in his mind nor do you know his insecurities. The appropriate thing to do was to speak to them both or at least speak to one of them before going through with it. Because this is a big gift and if they for example aren't able to handle the responsibilities that comes with a new car, what happens then? Sell the car? Are you willing to cover all those expenses for them? There's alot at play here than you just giving your friend a gift. It's far more than that especially when you factor in what that gift is and it's value.
Hi 6’2 female here. Don’t tell her being tall as a woman is harder than most think, let her feel small without having to know you had to work to do it (that’s very sweet of you)
First thing first, your father should not be leaving a business in your brother's hands. All that money invested in that business will be lost.
That’s what I want. He wants me to use my money right now to buy him Christmas gifts. I have been begging him.
Your dad is being abusive and controlling. You may have to cut financial ties with him so he can't continue doing things like this.
I don't want to push it, if he wanted he would ask me out
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Take her boyfriend away from her!!!
RUN LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!!!
Thank you, that's very much how I feel. I think my spouse will be hurt deeply, since they want to stay together despite the damage to both of our lives. It's going to be tricky to get through the divorce while also providing some kind of support for them, but the logical part of me thinks we'll both be better off for it.
I am a female army veteran, I graduated high school early and enlisted at 17. You are about to embark on a life changing experience, you will find your weaknesses and your strengths. You will be meeting people from many different walks of life. When you get done with your training and assigned to your first duty assignment you may realize you want something totally different from what you want now. You're young, he is young, if this is meant to be you will end up together. But if you get married first and then you realize you want something different it could get complicated trying to get a divorce.
You’re the other girl.
Yeah he went down on me before and he had no complaints ut these past two weeks he’s been saying that?! I can tell he’s less educated in sex Ed so I’m going to get a book or something to educate myself and def encourage him to too
Leave her… like seriously. Leave. She is not worth it. She just acted like a total disrespectful bitch, so just treat her like the one she is and pay her no mind. Trust me, having a relationship with this person will only bring you more suffering.
So we think it is big girl. Look for restaurant receipts maybe as part of the trail.
I didn't say it was a good reason. It's just always the reason.
This is not a problem it's consequence of your decision.
Break up with him (even if he backs down).
If he backs down, it’s likely he’ll just be telling you what you want to hear, and later try to baby-trap you by messing with any contraceptives you use.
OP, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're “walking on thin ice,” as you say. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
OP, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
Lol I get that. I’m just saying if someone cheats once it doesn’t make them an irreparable POS. I cheated in my early 20’s. Dumb shit to do, felt horrible and changed. I’m 40 now and haven’t done it since. Been with my wife for over ten years. People can change when they truly want to be better.
You need couples therapy. This is not a healthy relationship and it's not going to be better for the kids if the relationship continues to deteriorate.
UTIs really suck and it sucks that your bf cannot out your health and comfort first.
I will try to once I work up the courage ??
There’s a journalist who I enjoyed who’d “ware females down” and they’d have sex with him because he bugged so much. And he’s getting canceled for it. I get it but I also don’t get why females aren’t being held accountable for their own actions either. My thing is nobody can ware me down to the point of where I make a stupid choice like that.
Don’t mean to exaggerate your situation, even though you’re 110% in the wrong. And you should tell your boyfriend because you definitely cheated. I’m just confused because I liked this guys videos and now he’s canceled and I’m not sure how to feel about it ?
I find your point of view to be incredibly problematic and victim-blaming. Controlling a man’s reaction is not a woman’s responsibility. Do we do it all the time to avoid violence? Absolutely. But shifting the responsibility for men’s actions to women is very dangerous and just continues the narrative that men shouldn’t be held accountable.
At this rate, you should be seeking forgiveness not the other way around.
I kind of don't believe this is a true story because if you go to work smelling like literal shit, I feel like someone is going to say something to you.
But if it's true: What is the point of staying together? You can't possibly ever touch him, right? What are you getting from him that you've stayed this long?
So he has the emotional maturity of a toddler?
At no point are you obligated to have sex with him, it's not something he is owed or entitled to.
Honestly, that's kind of a red flag. She didn't “abandon” him, I mean she was gone what two or three days? Unless they had problems before that, I don't think going on a vacation without your spouse is really a reason to get divorced, unless he thought she was cheating on him or something or like I said had problems before that.
C’mon, you know this is a you problem and opening your relationship or leaving your pregnant wife is not the answer. (If your parents or friends would actually be judgmental about this it is also a “your parents and friends are assholes too” problem but it sounds like it’s all you.)
You have to get over yourself here. Your therapist’s advice was correct. You’ve got some toxic hang ups about masculinity and need to find a way to get over that. If you can do that you’ll almost certainly care much less about your wife‘s appearance.
Well you are being triggered, for a reason. They’re doing the same thing. Shut it down, doesn’t matter that he thinks he’s helping. You said no, it’s a no.
Hmm, yes. It seems you’re in a one-sided Facebook-only relationship, and only your FB page not his. He is neither available, reliable or giving you what you want, need and deserve. Are you absolutely certain he’s not still with this baby mumma? The self-esteem is not the reason you’re questioning things, it’s the reason that you’re still with him to begin with. Making it “official” on Facebook is not the same as an actual living and breathing relationship. He has not given that to you yet. And guess what? You deserve to be loved and thought of. You deserve a partner that is proud to be with you. Have you met anyone from his life during this year? A friend or family member?
Lmao I said this and got downvoted ?
Break up with her. Seriously. That's the solution to the problem here.
This is how 15 year old boys talk, not 32 year old men.
This guy does not respect you and you should dump him.
This is the best way, imho.
Marry her off to secure an alliance
Masturbating and watching porn are not the same thing. You can masturbate without porn.
Depends, are u a desperate sad boy, or a man with dignity?
A simple convo “i like when you kiss me and touch up on me but it doesnt always have to be sexual. You can kiss me and touch me intimately without it always leading to sex and if you want to have sex or are in the mood, tell me and we’ll see where that goes for the day”
You just gave us 11 reasons this man isn't right for you. That's a lot. Take your own advice and end this for good. It's natural to miss someone after a breakup, but that doesn't mean you made a mistake or should get back together.
You just gave us 11 reasons this man isn't right for you. That's a lot. Take your own advice and end this for good. It's natural to miss someone after a breakup, but that doesn't mean you made a mistake or should get back together.
I thought if I took the key he’d be like I can’t get into the house so I won’t show back up
Yep, and still it's caused OP to compare herself to and not want to be around her sister.
The more I think about it, the more I think that's what he wanted.
Depends on how long you've been together
If you're dating like five months, give him a break
Anything over a year, you should already know his intentions by now and “if the right woman comes along” comment has happened and you two have been dating for a significant time, leave him
Not marriage material and you're wasting your time on a relationship that isn't going to last
Is there a way I can tell him how my wife is feeling without spoiling his birthday, being condescending and maybe giving him something he can do to put my wife at ease?
It is HIS birthday and you and your wife need to make it all about her?
I like how everyone screams about your age and his age and childish this and that, and by like I just mean it's really depressing.
You are going to have moments where you don't feel great, moments where you “don't say the right thing”, so is he, it's going to happen at any age. Age does not make you a perfect human being regardless of how much reddit REEEs over it. How you move forward from things that have hurt, mistakes you make, that's the important thing.
You should have a talk to him about it. Only you can really make the judgment on how you feel in the relationship. I personally would have handled it differently, but I also don't personally hold it against him for not so long as he wasn't rude about it. I wasn't there, so its hard to say if he was.
The low balls version is: do you drag 'em in the snow?
The boobs version: do they wobble to and fro?
Don't know if many people will see this comment but just incase you do.
Here's a current update after a few hours: She still is leaving me on delivered for a couple hours and then leaves me on opened. I'm in the UK so right now it's 8pm, my birthday is tomorrow so just in a few hours. I'm going to wait and not bother her anymore until she decides to man up, however if she keeps this whole thing up tomorrow then I'll take proper steps into ending our relationship.
Nothing quite like an emotionally abusive father…
My thoughts exactly.
So basically it's a he said/she said between bf and the girl? Ask the girl for screenshots of their texts. I don't think bf should be getting another girl (who happens to be posting explicit photos online) phone number. It's def cheating adjacent.
So basically it's a he said/she said between bf and the girl? Ask the girl for screenshots of their texts. I don't think bf should be getting another girl (who happens to be posting explicit photos online) phone number. It's def cheating adjacent.
Too many red flags ? just dump him
You could stop it. You just don’t want to. Just don’t hit the block button. Talk out your issues. Communication is the absolute most important part of a relationship, especially a long distance one. TBH, if my partner ever blocked me from try to communicate with him even temporarily, I’d end that shit immediately. Life is too short to be dealing with immature bullshit.
No one else knows and his sister doesn’t know I know, I’m not sure if his sister even remembers it, I can’t really talk to anyone about this and when I try to talk to him it just makes him really sad and he gets very disgusted with himself and the guilt.
this is psychotic advice isabela
Why would I pay for someone else’s child?
That is funny, since it doesn’t make any sense.
Not to mention how money was covered in second paragraph.
Sounds like a huge loser honestly
Ik! I hate this!
I'm a dude and prefer kempt body hair on my partners.
I however shave all the body hair I have to a shorter length. I just don't like it on me at all it FEELS nasty.
Ik people joke about being aerodynamic but it feels so smooth to walk around without a bush or hair under my balls ?
Yes I realize that now LOL! I apologize for the confusion. But it’s such a shame and it hurts so bad. I’m so tempted to call the cops on him just to get him away
This post is pretty solid evidence that he cares a lot.
That I attracted a 20 something?
If youre going to break up your family because your husband was shocked by his sisters revelation and sad to see his parents so upset and thus didnt react perfectly, I suggest you get off Reddit and these stupid echo chambers and reflect what kind of character you have. Not everyone reacts perfectly and automatically to things, particularly when their beloved parents are struggling. Oh but the parents are wrong, yes they are, so break up your family over that. Of course your husband will support his sister. Jesus Christ, what self righteous tools in this place
As someone who went through both childhood abuse and DV, I think you’re letting your trauma take control of your life.
Why so
Negging is truly the sign of a misogynist, and seems to be a very common tactic when older men try to keep younger women. Start doing it to him. Complain about his penis – the size, the shape, the colour. Tell him it’s just an objective fact. Then find yourself a man who doesn’t try to push you down in order to convince you that you can’t do better than him. Because you can. And should.
just leave him already. so disrespectful of the relationship.
if she got a bf then do it to him exactly how he is with her. lets see how he likes it in reversed situation. what a jackass!
What do you mean? Can you explain?
What a dysfunction and sad situation. Why would you want to procreate with this guy?
You need a divorce and therapy.
Try talking to her
Ah also she told me a lot of her hoe stories before we even met, so yea thats kinda adding something to my anxiety.
Tell her. If you distance yourself without explaining why, that’s extremely unfair to her. If you don’t want a relationship right now that’s okay, but tell her that. Or maybe you guys can just dial it back and keep it very casual until you are in a place where you have the time and mental energy to dedicate to a relationship
No. I haven't.
All the men I know who have do not reach out from a good place either.
Unless there are special circumstances it's time to move on. Have you changed significantly since he turned you down?
Thanks for your reply. I am sure that she didn't have feelings for me. But she's engaged now and what she wants now that's a bit bothering me. Even after I blatantly insulted her to go away she isn't going and when I messaged to her message she left it on seen. I mean what she wants. Why can't she live her life and let me live mine.
I never knew about that girl when he would go there. His friends and family are very good at keeping their mouths shut! For all I knew she is a waitress as any other
Even if her parents consented it doesn't make it wrong and gross.
Simone Biles and Amanda Seyfried too
Gotta special order some weird shaped pasta just for this occasion. Someone somewhere must be making penis pasta on Etsy.
You don’t have to see implants, to see implants, that’s the point of them.
Also, you would not be destroying your family, he had already taken care of this.
That all made a lot of sense, OP! I'm so sorry you're navigating all of these hard feelings 🙁
It doesn't sound like you're being crazy at ALL. The best thing you can listen to is your intuition, if it feels like this situation is different, I believe that it is!
I think you should back yourself and tell him that you're uncomfortable with the way he engages with her content, and (if you want) that you don't want him following this person anymore. It seems like it's not worth following some random person on instagram to look at if it makes your partner feel insecure and threatens the relationship!
How would he respond to not following this person anymore?