37 thoughts on “Mulattomamii live webcams for YOU!”
I’m so sorry you and your kids are going through this. Please do not tell your mother of your plans. She’s going to keep undermining you under the misguided idea that keeping everyone on the same house is more important than your kids’ safety.
For me it’s the issue that you had made an agreement to not sleep with other people and that you were still sleeping together. She broke your agreement, cheated on you, possibly exposed you to STD’s, all while letting you pay her bills and presumably remain completely faithful to her.
She is horrible. Divorce and immediately stop paying for anything for her.
5 years older. And it's living on my own / traveling. I'm a very independent person and I almost can't stand the fact that I have to check in with someone else. I've been in the same state since I was born and dream out moving but he won't leave his family. I just don't think I was ready to settle down so early and have been getting more and more upset with my situation as the years go on.
You've missed my point. Seeing an “implication” in this scenario is one of the reasons people get sexually assaulted. You're telling on yourself. There is no implication.
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A bigger bed would be super helpful and I should seriously look into it.
Idk if it’s the right or wrong thing to do (i don’t have pets myself) but her cats don’t have specific meal times. She leaves dry food out for them to have whenever they want…but my mom feeds her own cats wet food in the morning and early evening. Maybe doing that would help, i have no idea. My mom’s cats also sleep in bed with her the entire night – no jumping up and down. Wish hers were like that…
If you're embarrassed don't go. I don't know what you want people to tell you. If the dude wants to out ketchup on his food let him. Or just try being grateful
He shouldn't even have made that note. Sounds like he is trying to convince himself to appreciate you, when he's absolutely not over his ex. There is no need to discuss the list with him, he doesn't love you.
he’s had 3 separate dirty used Tupperware’s and containers in his room for at least 6 months that are growing mold
Oh, oh wow, what?
his hair stinks
piles of clothes that stink up his room
didn’t change them for 5 weeks
And….you want to live with this when it seems just seeing each other is a big enough problem?
need advice on how to tell him I can’t deal with the lack of hygiene
You tell the guy, you can only put it so many ways.
“X, your personal hygiene makes a college frat-house (post-party) look like it's run by clean queens compared to you – you fix this or we can't live together”.
Or, not that blunt, but you get the drift. You cannot, surely, be thinking to conscience actually moving in with this guy while he's like this, right?
You have no guarantee that this will improve, or that he'll “change” – all the things you've listed so far are things that aren't just under his control, they are directly his responsibility and he won't do them.
Heck, you said he argues about the mouldy tuppaware?
Are you sure he isn't maybe….depressed? Has some kind of mental health concern going on which is why things are like this?
You need to sit down and talk with him, period. Either things improve, he comes clean on what's going on or….well I don't even want to say the final choice here but if you can't live together and he won't change, is that acceptable for you as a future and relationship?
OP please be aware that falling hard for another abuser is very common coming out of an abusive relationship.
Your boss is already playing around behind his wife's back and ALSO being hot and cold and uncertain with you e.g. ABUSING you his employee for his own emotional gain.
Please get out of your current relationship, heal, get your head back on your shoulders and make some sensible decisions.
Approach the other women you've senn him talk to, and ask them of they are just as uncomfortable as you. If they are, you should all go to the gym staff and say something.
The age is irrelevant when it comes to predators. He may just be a nice man who only wants to chat to other people, but if that was the case, just like you said, you would have seen him talking to men as well. So I'd take his behaviour as a red flag, not innocent chatting.
A good relationship isn't a waste of time. It's a shame it's ending like this, but you still had a good run and probably learned a lot about yourself, your likes/dislikes, and what you value in a partner. You're still young, you've got lots of time to meet someone that is a better fit for you, get married, start a family, etc etc etc.
I'm going to try something here: modeling a different behavior for you.
My wife and I have sex dreams about other people all the time. Sometimes, there's “emotional content” as when one of us has a dream about an ex or somebody we work closely with.
Most of the time, it's just sort of “Wow, that was a hot dream” without any particular meaning: a t.v. or film character or somebody straight out of the imagination, so there's nobody to whom we could attach any emotional content.
Sometimes we talk about it. Sometimes we judge that it's not that important. If she has a hot dream about Jensen Ackles, I don't mind knowing about it, but I'm not worried if she doesn't bother me with it. I might tell her, “Oh, by the way, I had a seriously hot dream about Theresa last week,” and the fact that Theresa is an ex is not a cause for concern: we talk it out as casually as we talk about the weather, because in a way, it's less important than the weather.
Healthy self-esteem is essential for keeping these things in perspective. She chose me. I chose her. We've never questioned that choice.
Are there days when one or the other of us breaks down and wonders (in your words), “Am I good enough?” but those days are fewer and farther between the longer we're together. Nobody is coming between us precisely because we do talk, about everything, including our sex-dreams.
Accept yourself. If you can't do that, act like you do until it becomes natural: fake it until you make it, and save the melt-down talks for once a month or so so you can space it out. If you talk about these things with your boyfriend, don't make them a life-or-death struggle for the relationship: make them fun or interesting exchanges: “I dreamed you had sex with Karen last night, so you owe me a kiss and really good make-up sex tonight.” Wink. Close the conversation. Be done with it. Walk away.
This is exactly how I found out my ex wife was cheating on me in early 2017. I used to travel for work a lot and she had asked me to turn on “find my friends” so she would feel better about me being away. One night I was in Winnipeg (live in Toronto) and she hadn’t texted me by bedtime – I checked her location and saw she was about 8km from our place at 11pm – I was thinking, where are the dogs?
Flew home next day and confronted her and it took her about .005 seconds to break down and admit she was “in love” with one of her film students. I kicked her ass out and filed for divorce.
You are not responsible for how others act towards you. If the guy makes you uncomfortable you can do something about it, not for your bf sake but for yours. The simplest way is probably to just mention your boyfriend, either to him or at a time when he can overhear.
Do you have an agreed budget for the wedding? Sounds like there should be an end game so you can factor the wedding cost into this year’s budget. If you’re already coming short on some months, I’d argue that whatever lifestyle you have, you can’t afford it.
What I see in your comments is a lot of excuses. You say that you tell him that it’s over and he ropes you back in, making it seem like you have absolutely no role in it. It’s your responsibility that you let yourself be talked into staying with him.
Everybody here has given you great advice, and all of your responses. I’ve been to tell them why that advice won’t work.
I think you need to get honest with yourself. I think you’re addicted to the drama of it all. I don’t think you want it to be over.
Ok let’s be real – #1. It ONLY happens with you #2. She REFUSES to talk about it and acknowledge that it’s a problem #3. She tells you that it isn’t happening, that there’s nothing wrong, etc etc etc. #4. It’s ONLY when she doesn’t get her way. People can say it’s a medical issue etc all they want, however it’s extremely blatant that this is just straight up manipulation, pure and simple. If she doesn’t want to communicate like an adult, accept that she can’t always be right when it comes to your disagreements, etc, use extreme manipulation tactics like the forced vomiting to make you feel bad for her, etc, then you need to reevaluate this relationship and whether this is someone you want to be around.
I told him that if he goes on holiday with her, then he's coming back home single.
So you have issued an ultimatum.
And he's still going.
Um, OP. He's going to see himself as single during the holiday, because it sounds like he's still going on that holiday, so he has chosen to go on the holiday over your relationship (that's pretty obvious here).
And he may just hook up with her during the holiday as someone who's freshly single.
Either way, I know it's hurtful, but you're right on some points, why is he friends with someone who treats you that way AND going on a holiday with her too. What kind of a partner is this? You've been together for 2 years and he still chose that so-called “friendship” with her over you? WOW.
But keep in mind, in your next relationship, refrain from issuing any ultimatum, OP unless you're going to stick with it.
Yeah this seems like the best decision. Therapy is just very expensive for me. Hard for internet strangers to help but thought I’d ask for input anyway so thanks.
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to show him evidences. He is the only one who can talk to her about it. Not that it will do anything tbh, he is connected to her by blood. But not telling him means he does not have the entire picture of what is going on.
I truly do wish you the best and I hope that when you speak up and are clearer about your needs, she is receptive and eager to find a good solution. I'd love to hear an update from you either way. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you and your kids are going through this. Please do not tell your mother of your plans. She’s going to keep undermining you under the misguided idea that keeping everyone on the same house is more important than your kids’ safety.
Good luck.
For me it’s the issue that you had made an agreement to not sleep with other people and that you were still sleeping together. She broke your agreement, cheated on you, possibly exposed you to STD’s, all while letting you pay her bills and presumably remain completely faithful to her.
She is horrible. Divorce and immediately stop paying for anything for her.
5 years older. And it's living on my own / traveling. I'm a very independent person and I almost can't stand the fact that I have to check in with someone else. I've been in the same state since I was born and dream out moving but he won't leave his family. I just don't think I was ready to settle down so early and have been getting more and more upset with my situation as the years go on.
Time to find a smarter BF
You've missed my point. Seeing an “implication” in this scenario is one of the reasons people get sexually assaulted. You're telling on yourself. There is no implication.
Wishing for someone to miscarry is so genuinely fucked up, man.
I feel I started standing my needs and ground more and she just get mad if it's not matching to her feelings.
Knowingly infecting a partner is a crime, depending on where you live.
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A bigger bed would be super helpful and I should seriously look into it.
Idk if it’s the right or wrong thing to do (i don’t have pets myself) but her cats don’t have specific meal times. She leaves dry food out for them to have whenever they want…but my mom feeds her own cats wet food in the morning and early evening. Maybe doing that would help, i have no idea. My mom’s cats also sleep in bed with her the entire night – no jumping up and down. Wish hers were like that…
Try some yourself they are ok on ocassion…
I did some in my 20s but now in my 30s I cut out all drugs.
If you're embarrassed don't go. I don't know what you want people to tell you. If the dude wants to out ketchup on his food let him. Or just try being grateful
He shouldn't even have made that note. Sounds like he is trying to convince himself to appreciate you, when he's absolutely not over his ex. There is no need to discuss the list with him, he doesn't love you.
Just because you want someone to have feelings for you again doesn’t mean you are manipulating them
white tub is full of black mildew
Eww.
he’s had 3 separate dirty used Tupperware’s and containers in his room for at least 6 months that are growing mold
Oh, oh wow, what?
his hair stinks
piles of clothes that stink up his room
didn’t change them for 5 weeks
And….you want to live with this when it seems just seeing each other is a big enough problem?
need advice on how to tell him I can’t deal with the lack of hygiene
You tell the guy, you can only put it so many ways.
“X, your personal hygiene makes a college frat-house (post-party) look like it's run by clean queens compared to you – you fix this or we can't live together”.
Or, not that blunt, but you get the drift. You cannot, surely, be thinking to conscience actually moving in with this guy while he's like this, right?
You have no guarantee that this will improve, or that he'll “change” – all the things you've listed so far are things that aren't just under his control, they are directly his responsibility and he won't do them.
Heck, you said he argues about the mouldy tuppaware?
Are you sure he isn't maybe….depressed? Has some kind of mental health concern going on which is why things are like this?
You need to sit down and talk with him, period. Either things improve, he comes clean on what's going on or….well I don't even want to say the final choice here but if you can't live together and he won't change, is that acceptable for you as a future and relationship?
OP please be aware that falling hard for another abuser is very common coming out of an abusive relationship.
Your boss is already playing around behind his wife's back and ALSO being hot and cold and uncertain with you e.g. ABUSING you his employee for his own emotional gain.
Please get out of your current relationship, heal, get your head back on your shoulders and make some sensible decisions.
Approach the other women you've senn him talk to, and ask them of they are just as uncomfortable as you. If they are, you should all go to the gym staff and say something.
The age is irrelevant when it comes to predators. He may just be a nice man who only wants to chat to other people, but if that was the case, just like you said, you would have seen him talking to men as well. So I'd take his behaviour as a red flag, not innocent chatting.
A good relationship isn't a waste of time. It's a shame it's ending like this, but you still had a good run and probably learned a lot about yourself, your likes/dislikes, and what you value in a partner. You're still young, you've got lots of time to meet someone that is a better fit for you, get married, start a family, etc etc etc.
I'm going to try something here: modeling a different behavior for you.
My wife and I have sex dreams about other people all the time. Sometimes, there's “emotional content” as when one of us has a dream about an ex or somebody we work closely with.
Most of the time, it's just sort of “Wow, that was a hot dream” without any particular meaning: a t.v. or film character or somebody straight out of the imagination, so there's nobody to whom we could attach any emotional content.
Sometimes we talk about it. Sometimes we judge that it's not that important. If she has a hot dream about Jensen Ackles, I don't mind knowing about it, but I'm not worried if she doesn't bother me with it. I might tell her, “Oh, by the way, I had a seriously hot dream about Theresa last week,” and the fact that Theresa is an ex is not a cause for concern: we talk it out as casually as we talk about the weather, because in a way, it's less important than the weather.
Healthy self-esteem is essential for keeping these things in perspective. She chose me. I chose her. We've never questioned that choice.
Are there days when one or the other of us breaks down and wonders (in your words), “Am I good enough?” but those days are fewer and farther between the longer we're together. Nobody is coming between us precisely because we do talk, about everything, including our sex-dreams.
Accept yourself. If you can't do that, act like you do until it becomes natural: fake it until you make it, and save the melt-down talks for once a month or so so you can space it out. If you talk about these things with your boyfriend, don't make them a life-or-death struggle for the relationship: make them fun or interesting exchanges: “I dreamed you had sex with Karen last night, so you owe me a kiss and really good make-up sex tonight.” Wink. Close the conversation. Be done with it. Walk away.
Along with therapy, I guess also could try do this, do I just:
“Hey, can I hop along with you and your friends?”
Uhm, you were the one disrespecting her. You should be apologizing to Lucy. Do her a favor and don’t get back together with her.
Don't ever threaten to cheat. This is a line you should not cross. You can never take that back.
This is exactly how I found out my ex wife was cheating on me in early 2017. I used to travel for work a lot and she had asked me to turn on “find my friends” so she would feel better about me being away. One night I was in Winnipeg (live in Toronto) and she hadn’t texted me by bedtime – I checked her location and saw she was about 8km from our place at 11pm – I was thinking, where are the dogs?
Flew home next day and confronted her and it took her about .005 seconds to break down and admit she was “in love” with one of her film students. I kicked her ass out and filed for divorce.
You are not responsible for how others act towards you. If the guy makes you uncomfortable you can do something about it, not for your bf sake but for yours. The simplest way is probably to just mention your boyfriend, either to him or at a time when he can overhear.
Do you have an agreed budget for the wedding? Sounds like there should be an end game so you can factor the wedding cost into this year’s budget. If you’re already coming short on some months, I’d argue that whatever lifestyle you have, you can’t afford it.
She’s knows I have feelings for him
It’s almost like she was trying to say it in the easiest way possible and OP just didn’t get the point. Denial is so damn sad
What I see in your comments is a lot of excuses. You say that you tell him that it’s over and he ropes you back in, making it seem like you have absolutely no role in it. It’s your responsibility that you let yourself be talked into staying with him.
Everybody here has given you great advice, and all of your responses. I’ve been to tell them why that advice won’t work.
I think you need to get honest with yourself. I think you’re addicted to the drama of it all. I don’t think you want it to be over.
Ok let’s be real – #1. It ONLY happens with you #2. She REFUSES to talk about it and acknowledge that it’s a problem #3. She tells you that it isn’t happening, that there’s nothing wrong, etc etc etc. #4. It’s ONLY when she doesn’t get her way. People can say it’s a medical issue etc all they want, however it’s extremely blatant that this is just straight up manipulation, pure and simple. If she doesn’t want to communicate like an adult, accept that she can’t always be right when it comes to your disagreements, etc, use extreme manipulation tactics like the forced vomiting to make you feel bad for her, etc, then you need to reevaluate this relationship and whether this is someone you want to be around.
His mother IS racist. Full stop.
The fact that your boyfriend won't call out her behavior is a problem. It's a sign that he won't stand up for you if his mother does that again.
I told him that if he goes on holiday with her, then he's coming back home single.
So you have issued an ultimatum.
And he's still going.
Um, OP. He's going to see himself as single during the holiday, because it sounds like he's still going on that holiday, so he has chosen to go on the holiday over your relationship (that's pretty obvious here).
And he may just hook up with her during the holiday as someone who's freshly single.
Either way, I know it's hurtful, but you're right on some points, why is he friends with someone who treats you that way AND going on a holiday with her too. What kind of a partner is this? You've been together for 2 years and he still chose that so-called “friendship” with her over you? WOW.
But keep in mind, in your next relationship, refrain from issuing any ultimatum, OP unless you're going to stick with it.
Good luck.
Yeah this seems like the best decision. Therapy is just very expensive for me. Hard for internet strangers to help but thought I’d ask for input anyway so thanks.
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to show him evidences. He is the only one who can talk to her about it. Not that it will do anything tbh, he is connected to her by blood. But not telling him means he does not have the entire picture of what is going on.
Thank you for speaking about this here. I’m so sorry this has happened to so many of our brethren, too, but I admire your courage to speak on it.
Doesn’t make him older! He maybe had sex with the girlfriend before her.
I truly do wish you the best and I hope that when you speak up and are clearer about your needs, she is receptive and eager to find a good solution. I'd love to hear an update from you either way. Good luck.
She is trying to be a cop too, so she'll be sure to turn that abuse right around on regular citizens