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Date: October 8, 2022
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An unbiased test is your best weapon.
You are the boss of your life. Nobody else. You were so young when you got married, but you are still young. If you leave now there a great life ahead of you, if you don't, you wake up in ten years with three kids and a husband who drives them to school drunk.
That’s micromanaging, that’s not normal for a spouse. A parent with a 10 yr old maybe. Does he have possibly OCD ? He’s really obsessed with your shoes.
Run. My ex said shit like that to me. Wasted 5 more years. Have not missed him since the day I left.
Go to an individual therapist and talk it out with them. I hope they will help you see that divorce is best for you and your children. Kids know when their home is unhappy and don't you think they deserve a happy one?
It's strange to me that others, not you obviously, are describing the husband's behavior as unhinged.
People commit violence on a daily basis. Slaughter houses, sports for our entertainment, enforcing laws or just prison in general. They don’t fret over it. It's just done. Good or bad, I'd lean to bad, it is a part of society.
The violence committed by the husband was cold, no doubt. But also, it was done with a clear reason… and one that is easily understood. The exact opposite of unhinged. A whole lot more people would probably curb their behavior they understood the damage that can be, and others are willingly/able, to cause with the flick of a wrist.
If this had been a child, would the situation still be read as unhinged? I hope not.
If a person describes useful violence as unhinged, they've outsourced the violence necessary for their lives to others. It's like describing someone who works in a slaughter house as a future serial killer with a mouth full of steak.
It honestly doesn't read to me like he in any way expects to break up here. This is manipulation tactics 101, good buddies. Fuck this guy.
Clinging , harrassing and stalking him sure arent the way to fix things. Men are allowed space to process things believe it or not. Give hi that space. If he breaks up with you you deal with it and move on. If he comes and wants to talk you talk to him. That simple.
I also never claimed I got raped, I explained the situation where I consented for him to touch me sexually but not when he wanted to “put the tip in” and his response was “if I wanted to force you I would have.”
Get a lawyer.
It's not fixable because he doesn't want to fix it. He has done the same thing previously and she has told him how it made her feel, he repeated the same thing this trip and again after being reminded it hurts her.