A defence mechanism is really useful in mitigating the damage of a harmful situation that might happen. However, defence mechanisms need to be limited in how much time you give to them, else you'll be constantly assessing for possible threats to your happiness.
I'd remind myself that this is just part of my brain saying “hey, you need to be careful here. People cheat when they do this stuff”. I then sort of thank that part of the brain for being aware of threats, but remind myself that we're not concerned about this one. (If you've never read The Chimp Paradox, it's that kind of thing).
Medical provider here- he’s lying. Insurance doesn’t cover reversals and depending on how long he’s had the “vasectomy” the success rate declines. He also wouldnt be able to just tack it on to another day with other appointments- driving home from the appointment would be almost impossible (I mean if a person likes pain then maybe he could).He would also need to be off of work for a couple of days so that’s something y’all would’ve talked about etc. Is there surgical soap laying around like Hibiclens? That’s something they would have him shower with etc. Sorry OP- he’s 100% lying. Another way you can see if he’s even had a vasectomy is the next time your intimate with him, look at his scrotum, there will be a little incision scar where the doctor makes a little cut to pull out the Vas Deferens before snipping them.
Exactly- she would likely face some sort of Sharia tribunal or honor killing and heaven forbid her husband EVER set foot in her home country- honor killings /Sharia tribunals are not limited to those of the Islam faith. I think OP needs to accept that the relationship with her family is best left to emails and perhaps video chats. I see no way to salvage any type of in person relationship and the dangers she and her husband could face by visiting there would be very real and likely.
It's understandable that you have feelings for this girl, but it's important to proceed with caution in this situation. It's concerning that she's willing to leave her boyfriend for you after only knowing each other for two weeks. It's possible that she's experiencing infatuation or a crush on you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she should break up with her current boyfriend.
It's important to remember that relationships are complex, and it's not uncommon for people to experience doubts or attractions to others while in a committed relationship. However, it's not fair to her current boyfriend or to you to pursue a relationship while she is still in a committed relationship with someone else.
It's admirable that you're trying to avoid physical cheating and are considering the ethical implications of this situation. It may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings and concerns. Encourage her to consider her own values and the impact of her actions on others before making any hasty decisions.
Ultimately, it's up to her to decide what she wants to do, but it's important to prioritize respect and integrity in all relationships. It may be best to take some time and distance yourself from the situation until she has resolved her feelings and made a decision about her current relationship.
This whole relationship is a shitshow of immature adults. Jesus.
He cheated on u.. a year ago!! And kept it a secret for that long. Because he obviously isn't remorseful and doesn't give a shit. He was still hanging out and planning another trip with the same person he fucked behind ur back? And you feel bad?!
Wtf are relationships in 2023 i keep thinking im in the twilight zone where self respect and accountability are things that don't exist in our world.
Grow a spine OP. Lord. Just open up the relationship already ur basically in it. Who knows if they've been doing it this whole time.. well u obviously are naive enough to believe they havent and to feel bad about his stupid bday trip with u and his affair partner..
You only want to make it up so you can feel better, it's not about him which means at your core you're still being selfish.
He for whatever reason saw good in you and stayed, you make up for that by being your best self, you never ever treat him or anyone like that again. You do not make him constantly relive your abuse in an attempt to atone because by bringing it up all the time that's what you're doing.
You were abusive, you were violent that's a fact you can't erase you can only try and be better every day.
I have ADHD as well, it sucks and it's hard to deal with. The onus is still on us to learn to deal with it. Yes, our partners and loved ones need to be patient sometimes but we still have to put in the work.
It doesn't look like OP's husband takes any responsibility, though. He doesn't go to therapy or talks to a doctor. That's the least thing he has to do to expect patience from OP.
A defence mechanism is really useful in mitigating the damage of a harmful situation that might happen. However, defence mechanisms need to be limited in how much time you give to them, else you'll be constantly assessing for possible threats to your happiness.
I'd remind myself that this is just part of my brain saying “hey, you need to be careful here. People cheat when they do this stuff”. I then sort of thank that part of the brain for being aware of threats, but remind myself that we're not concerned about this one. (If you've never read The Chimp Paradox, it's that kind of thing).
You mean pubic lice?
Because pubic hairs don't start growing until puberty.
So pubic lice don't have a place to stay, they need hairs after all.
No pubes, no pubic lice.
Sounds like a loser. Should probably leave him
Medical provider here- he’s lying. Insurance doesn’t cover reversals and depending on how long he’s had the “vasectomy” the success rate declines. He also wouldnt be able to just tack it on to another day with other appointments- driving home from the appointment would be almost impossible (I mean if a person likes pain then maybe he could).He would also need to be off of work for a couple of days so that’s something y’all would’ve talked about etc. Is there surgical soap laying around like Hibiclens? That’s something they would have him shower with etc. Sorry OP- he’s 100% lying. Another way you can see if he’s even had a vasectomy is the next time your intimate with him, look at his scrotum, there will be a little incision scar where the doctor makes a little cut to pull out the Vas Deferens before snipping them.
Your husband raped your sister. I’m so sorry, but that’s what it sounds like
I think it’s best to keep the honesty flowing, you should tell her everything you felt comfortable sharing above and more.
Exactly- she would likely face some sort of Sharia tribunal or honor killing and heaven forbid her husband EVER set foot in her home country- honor killings /Sharia tribunals are not limited to those of the Islam faith. I think OP needs to accept that the relationship with her family is best left to emails and perhaps video chats. I see no way to salvage any type of in person relationship and the dangers she and her husband could face by visiting there would be very real and likely.
Glad you no longer dead drunk and can take the time to figure things out. That being said you talking about going back to liquor is a bad sign.
Take some time and travel and figure out what you want to do next.
It's understandable that you have feelings for this girl, but it's important to proceed with caution in this situation. It's concerning that she's willing to leave her boyfriend for you after only knowing each other for two weeks. It's possible that she's experiencing infatuation or a crush on you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she should break up with her current boyfriend.
It's important to remember that relationships are complex, and it's not uncommon for people to experience doubts or attractions to others while in a committed relationship. However, it's not fair to her current boyfriend or to you to pursue a relationship while she is still in a committed relationship with someone else.
It's admirable that you're trying to avoid physical cheating and are considering the ethical implications of this situation. It may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings and concerns. Encourage her to consider her own values and the impact of her actions on others before making any hasty decisions.
Ultimately, it's up to her to decide what she wants to do, but it's important to prioritize respect and integrity in all relationships. It may be best to take some time and distance yourself from the situation until she has resolved her feelings and made a decision about her current relationship.
This whole relationship is a shitshow of immature adults. Jesus.
He cheated on u.. a year ago!! And kept it a secret for that long. Because he obviously isn't remorseful and doesn't give a shit. He was still hanging out and planning another trip with the same person he fucked behind ur back? And you feel bad?!
Wtf are relationships in 2023 i keep thinking im in the twilight zone where self respect and accountability are things that don't exist in our world.
Grow a spine OP. Lord. Just open up the relationship already ur basically in it. Who knows if they've been doing it this whole time.. well u obviously are naive enough to believe they havent and to feel bad about his stupid bday trip with u and his affair partner..
Must say tht dude has some balls. Lol jesus
She's too old for this BS. If she was serious about you, there'd be no secrets.
Dr Phil says: someone with nothing to hide – hides nothing.
Trust is a wonderful thing and necessary in a committed relationship. However, trust is earned every day by being transparent and honest.
You only want to make it up so you can feel better, it's not about him which means at your core you're still being selfish.
He for whatever reason saw good in you and stayed, you make up for that by being your best self, you never ever treat him or anyone like that again. You do not make him constantly relive your abuse in an attempt to atone because by bringing it up all the time that's what you're doing.
You were abusive, you were violent that's a fact you can't erase you can only try and be better every day.
I have ADHD as well, it sucks and it's hard to deal with. The onus is still on us to learn to deal with it. Yes, our partners and loved ones need to be patient sometimes but we still have to put in the work.
It doesn't look like OP's husband takes any responsibility, though. He doesn't go to therapy or talks to a doctor. That's the least thing he has to do to expect patience from OP.