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I’m new here, I want to feel pleasure GOAL: FUCK TITS [2 tokens remaining]
Date: January 13, 2023
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WeekendPussy
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BDSMadvice or any soft femdom subreddits.
It’s beyond fishy, it’s disrespectful. I never understood why my previous long-term partner didn’t meet me for dinner for “closure” but it became painfully obvious down the line that the reason was that SHE had actually moved on, and likely had a new partner she respected. She should cut all contact, go gray-rock, and give you the respect you deserve. She obviously has been texting him back and forth behind your back, and made the unilateral decision to meet him without your input. If you’re not ok with that, you need to have a serious but respectful discussion about boundaries.
thanks
Yea I’m not saying that.
I’ve been pretty forward in the past. But, I don’t want to turn him off
You keep trying to dig yourself out of your hole but it just keeps getting deeper ?
I agree it’s unacceptable but until you know exactly what he has been up to you can’t really make a decision on how to deal with him.
This is not on you. Abusers will say whatever it takes to keep their victim around, including trying to make themselves a victim.
Never believe someone “loves” you when they have shown you otherwise with their violent actions.
He is right about one thing though… he is a fuck up
He hasn't stopped, and he's not going to.
The hard truth is that your boundary makes you incompatible with virtually every man out there. If this is something that you just can't live with, you will need to leave him and be okay with being alone.
But I would say that yes, you're being irrational. Using porn and being addicted to it are two different things. If they weren't, our entire society would break down because half of it would be addicts.
I do think you need to come to terms with the idea that the family is going to see you as a cash cow, they will see her like that and she will be motivated by guilt and obligation that has been ingrained in her since she was a child, also you won’t be able to save your future the way you wanted
And lots of men's been sorry
Seconding all of this. You also need to ask yourself
1) Are you willing to risk your future for this woman? 2)What is it doing to the children witnessing the volatile relationship.
Maybe. But maybe she's no good for him, since he's a secret, shameful, secondary part of her life. She wants him to recognize all her work sneaking around and he wants a gf he can date for freaking ice cream. Many 20+ year olds have overnighters. She is blaming her mom but not taking responsibility for her choices to lie and hide. She's not a baby and as an adult we are responsible for our choices whether we live our truth out or hide. I think bf has had it with this secret and OP either needs “to grow a backbone” or let him go. It's not fair and at this age it's not normal.
Same reason its common for some woman to want to visually see a partner put a condom on. The reprocussions of child bearing are huge and it takes very little to take extra precautions.
Well, play along. Start dressing him up, try domming him if you are willing to play. See where it goes.
That’s the thing. I know how much I learned from this, even though it’s stupid to HAVE to learn from it, but I did. I know I can commit to her now and I want to, since I’ve realized that sleeping around isn’t something I enjoy or need.
Biggest lesson I ever learned and you clearly need to learn too: stop seeing people for their potential and see them for what they ARE.
Your bf is and always has been showing you who he IS. Who you want him to be, who you could see him potentially becoming has absolutely NO merit in the future. He has continuously showed you he will NOT pursue the potential you see him having. Move on, he is not going to change.
I read that he just moved in and you have not had a real date yet and have decided I don't need to read the rest. This is bad-choice-central. You should probably date someone in real life before sharing a place with them, especially when a child is involved.
I would sit down with her and see if you could set up some boundaries. That is not fair for her to lay the entirety of the relationship on your shoulders. Be honest with her about how uncomfortable it makes you that you are working so hard with making everything fit that she isn't doing right now. And if she doesn't support you then she isn't your friend. A friend doesn't just take. And trust me it's taken me 28 years to learn this myself.
It speaks to a complete disregard for hurting the other spouse who doesn’t know. That could be you.
What should my goal here even be?
You should have asked yourself that at the start because you sound like a white knight who wants to swoop in and save people but has no plan past that, no ability to do that, and no awareness to see how it might effect other people in his life.
That said, this sounds a lot like the foster kid troll that's been going around the forums.
A mean one too
Ignore that book.
Just be straightforward. “Hey, would you like to get a drink sometime with me?” And if she says no thanks or that she's in a relationship, just accept it graciously, but the important point is to be someone who can confidently ask out someone you're attracted to.
Also, be up front, if she accepts, that you don't have a lot of dating experience so that she may be able to understand if you accidentally do something weird that it's due to inexperience rather than creepiness.
Thank you “the way this man is willing to let you hurt” wow ? that really spoke to me lol, I kept telling him that he’s complicating things and even cried in front of him because it’s just so hurtful that we keep repeatedly have these conversations. I have never been in love nor felt loved, I have been emotionally and physically attached but never in love nor loved. So I will strive to find that within myself
Time to break up seems like she is doing some shady things
Yeah! Fuken foul bro!
Am a man. 10/10 came here to say this. Glad I wasn’t the only one XD.
You were raped. Please google your local sexual assault centre & ask for the link/phone # for males who have been sexually assaulted. Talk to one of the therapists there.
I'm honestly surprised to hear people would even wanna go on a date the same day they get into town lol, I'm tired as hell when I travel. And I'm also suprised anyone would fly out for a two day trip at all barring work or a school event, that sounds awful, but maybe y'all are built differently.
That said she does sound like she might do it again, and your short responses combined with the fact you'd be leaving later that same day anyway might increase the chance. I'd still risk the meetup since you're already here but don't be surprised if she flakes again, or surprises you by bringing a friend along or something.
Also worth noting for potential future advice, at 18 I would not be going to a hotel for my first date with someone I'm only just meeting in person for the first time, even if we'd known each other online for a bit. Hell at 21 I wouldn't do that. Your plan honestly might have intimidated her, and probably would intimidate most girls.
Thanks. I really agree and appreciate what you're saying. I have a problem where I always seem to care more about other people's feelings than my own, especially her's when we were together, and I guess I never stopped.
Anyway I like what you said. I'll just try and be distant. Eventually she'll probably forget and everything will be back to normal.
Just because she was shit doesn’t mean you can’t have your own family. It’s better to find this out now than after you get married with kids. This will give you the chance to find the right girl who build that family with. Still fucking sucks though and there’s nothing I can say that will take that away.
That's not a fact. She's trying to take him away from you, and you need to stand up for yourself. Because you are basically handing him over. She's NOT your friend.
If your husband is ok with you having no contact with them then do that. If you have to be civil sometimes in some situations (like with family functions or b-day greetings) try to your best. But of course don't overdo it. /s
They sound like a nightmare couple to deal with. I really don't think it's worth the effort to deal with those types of people if they can be avoided. Best to you.
UpdateMe!
One of my close friends has breasts similar to what you described. I remember them looking like that in high school so not a “came with age” thing. She was definitely insecure about it but learned to love them and her bf helped with that. I’d be more concerned with your SO’s behavior.. I’m not saying end it, but I am saying there will be plenty of men out there who will love your breasts as much as your ass and thighs.
And you’re 12 lol
Why do you want to move in with someone who's this difficult? You're clearly not compatible and he's clearly disrespectful. Leave.
You’re not your girlfriends number o e priority.
Sorry to say but you never will be. I would have let the pair of them go on a girlie holiday and packed my shit up and left while they were away.
Your gf is either so stunted emotionally that she hasn’t a clue what she’s done or she actually doesn’t think of you romantically any more but you’re just someone useful to have around.
Dolt
Loving someone involves consent, communicating your boundaries and then respecting them.
You got slapped by a man ten years older than you after you made it known you don’t like it that way.
You say that, “Love is to accept a person however they are.”
So then why hasn’t he accepted who you are and what you like?
Why are you so willing to throw away your identity and your own needs for some man you’ve only known for eight weeks?
I don’t think you’re living up to your user name. I think you need to change it to Naive Nougat.
I’m into BDSM. I still would never expect a partner to participate in that with me unless they were fully on board and we had an understanding of limits. Him simply slapping you with no warning or discussion ahead of time is a giant waving red flag. That is NOT BDSM. That is abuse.
Do you have any specific reasons as to why she shouldn’t be aware of this information?
Read what I pasted again. She has told you what she needs from you. Your disorder itself is causing you to want to sabotage this. Do the work, don't let it win.
Read it again.
It's time to look at the practicalities of marriage and finances are one of the very top spots. It sounds like you two aren't on the same page there and unless you can both get on the same page about what reasonable spending with shared finances look like then it's going to cause a lot of difficulties in a marriage. It's one of the top reasons couples fight
I can certainly understand why you’d have trust issues after he blindsided you like this.
I admire SAHMs. When my baby was a newborn, I really thought about trying to be one. That didn’t last long. I couldn’t do it. I literally, both physically and mentally, could not handle it. Being a SAHM is way harder than going to the office every day.
If being a SAHM is something you wanted, then the only thing you’d have to discuss is logistics. How would the two of you make it work with less than half your household salary? How would you manage finances so you weren’t at the risk of financial abuse (even inadvertent)? Etc.
I don’t even think there’s anything wrong with him broaching the subject of preferring a stay at home parent. Declaring it must be you (against all logic and reason) and getting angry when you don’t immediately agree? That’s a huge problem.
There’s a good chance he’s idealizing that image of the “traditional” family from the videos he’s watching. If wanting a “traditional” dynamic of him being the breadwinner and his spouse being the SAHM was a dealbreaker for him, he should have brought it up super early on in your relationship. Blindsiding you like this now is not okay. He doesn’t have a realistic idea (it seems) of how this would impact your family. Your finances. Possibly your mental health. And here’s the thing – I suspect being the sole breadwinner would be more stressful for him than he’s anticipating, too. Losing over half the household income, being responsible for being the sole income earner of a growing family, with a child who outgrows clothes every 15 minutes? Your car breaks down or your furnace breaks, and now his salary has to be divided even more to manage? It’s not a Norman Rockwell painting. It’s stressful.
I’m not saying it would be a dealbreaker in terms of the marriage for me, personally, at this point because I do suspect some trauma possibly feeds into this for him. It would, however, be a dealbreaker in terms of having children until this was resolved. Probably with therapy. And if, after therapy, he still was insistent I be a SAHM, that probably would be a dealbreaker for me. Because, again, I honestly know I would be a much worse mom if I was a SAHM than I am now.
He wasn’t honest with you going in about what he expected from a family dynamic. But you have to be honest with yourself as you figure out your path forward. I’m so sorry you’ve been blindsided, and I wish you the best.
There are three things which are never funny or prankable. Death, divorce, pregnancy.
Only legitimate crazy psychopaths would think that a prank involving any of the big 3 is even remotely appropriate. It's disgusting and would completely shatter any respect I have for that person.
She was trying to make your friend feel better about her situation.
Unfortunately she did it at your expense. Not very sensitive of her. Maybe slightly too sensitive on your part
I’ll keep it in mind to affirm myself. Ty
The honest take is you don’t have the right to unalive yourself anymore.
That’s a privilege.
You have to live with the consequences, because there’s a baby now. It’s gonna be unpleasant, but it’s not really about you any more is it?
The “advice” is to get used to being uncomfortable.
Ok she’s acting like one, I hope you listen to Reddit on this one, this isn’t ok behavior and sounds like she does this on purpose.
Ask her if the roles were reversed, would she be ok with you doing this?
Honest question. I bet she’ll feel dumbfounded.
Or, even better. “The role wasn't a good fit for me.” Try not to be too discouraged OP. The fact that you booked the job in the first place shows you have the talent for it, sometimes things just don't work out.
OP i think you should remove her from your life. Yes you guys did cute things together but if someone shows you that they’re confused with you, it shows that they don’t want to be with you!! Same way that you’re so sure about her, is the same way that she should be towards you! It also seems as though she probably has a boyfriend
He's crazy, and wants to marry crazy.