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DOUBLE FAIRY squirt
Date: December 28, 2022
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Honestly, yes.
Tom has to be the one to defend you to his family.
If this isn't happening then it will only get worse. You said that Abby and her/his mother are a tag team and Abby is colluding with this Emily and talking crap behind your back about things about you and your relationship that are totally untrue. In an effort to push you out or talk smack to Tom about you.
The best way to deal with this sadly is to remove yourself and go low contact. There is no winning with sad and pathetic people whose only joy is talking about others in a negative way. All you can do is not play their games.
I would also look at your coping mechanisms and resilience with the aim to be able to ignore and dismiss crap like this and not worry so much about others judgement.
It is sad that after 5 years that you are facing this sort of behaviour now. But it seems that they are in a pattern of talking crap about people and now it is your turn.
If Tom is on board with you being very low contact for your own anxiety then great. If he is dismissing your worries and downplaying the effect this is having on you then not great. Some people don't understand that being talked about like this is horrible as they are used to it.
If you cannot handle being around them or the stress then that is okay to protect your mental health from this and not be around them and if that includes Tom for reasons then so be it. Not everyone can handle this level of toxic behaviour no matter how good their resilience is.
I only pay rent if he is unable to pay the whole amount, which has happened quite a few times since living together
From your post history, you two should have broken up a long time ago.
Time to end the friendship.
This guy seems to have major boundary issues. It's stalkery and obsessive. Does he have problems respecting other bounderies, like in the bedroom for example?
In any case, I would reconsider marrying him.
Honestly this was me I have bpd and I was extremely manic and stole randomly and often, I’m lucky when I got caught to just be banned from the store
I’m years clean, but if this is a boundary for you I understand. I had to actively work hard, push not to go back to the habit. It feels like quitting smoking
He will get caught, it’s a matter of a time and he may not be so lucky. A record isn’t exactly why you want in life.
If he isn’t willing to change then break up or he will drag you down with you, if he steals with you there they will also account you as part of the crime
Ofcourse it's a deal breaker but there's a bigger issue here. You obviously didn't morph into a vet overnight, so why now?
He most certainly knows which way you'd go, duh. It's almost as if he's trying to weasel out of this relationship on the flimsiest argument ever.