Grow up and stop “making jokes” to broach the topic. You're a big boy who wrote all that out, I'm sure you can use your big boy words to communicate your feelings.
He can’t spend 5-10 minutes to cuddle with you?? I feel like you’re not asking for too much and it’s pretty normal to cuddle after sex so I don’t think you should be compromising about cuddling. He’s your bf!
What you did counts as cheating, but you didn't know any better, so you're not really in the wrong. Your husband should've educated you before. Also he shouldn't have coerced you into doing something you weren't particularly excited about.
There is nothing to be confused about. She doesn't want to be friends, she wants to keep you in her back pocket. I have no idea why you are even speaking to her.
Sure, I'm taking him at his word here, that's what he said she said to him in the post – he said that he is currently doing 100% of the domestic labor and that she expects that to continue after the baby is born for an unspecified period of time which he took to mean indefinitely. Whether or not that's true we have no way of knowing, but that's what he said she said to him and if that is what she said to him (which I acknowledged initially might not be true, but again we can either take him at his word or jump to conjecture based on our preconceived notions of how these things usually are, but neither is likely to be the whole truth), that's a pretty unacceptable thing to expect of someone.
Dude- if you don't want to get married, and don't consider it a requirement, you absolutely have that conversation pro-actively. You don't date someone for years who seems to be marriage minded, and just hope it doesn't come up. She's done waiting for you- she asked that question because the answer determined whether or not she left your ass. You said you planned on marrying her at some point. If that's a lie you tell her now. If you still aren't ready after 6 years, it means you don't want to marry her, but you don't want to have to deal with a break up, which is cowardly as hell. You're not in the “getting to know you” phase after six years where that question can be a maybe. Just tell her so she can stop wasting her time and dump you.
Happy early birthday! Look at this as an opportunity to go into your new year with a focus on yourself and on people who show you that they want to be in your life. Don't settle and don't chase someone who doesn't want to be chased.
What bothered me was that she said she wishes to MARRY him, you know? Because that's more… Sentimental, maybe?
It's still in the same boat as a celebrity crush. It's just a hyperbolic way of putting it. Because the reality is, like all celebrity crushes anyone has, she doesn't know Tom Holland and actually wouldn't marry him unless she got to know him and worked out if he was someone she'd want to marry.
So I wouldn't sweat it any more than that. It's just fantasy land stuff and joking about with a friend, definitely not worth bringing up to her.
Honestly I would just delegate this to your partner. If his brother’s girlfriend won’t talk to you, then your partner can talk to his brother about the extent to which they would like to participate in your wedding. They’re your partner’s guests, and his problem if he wants them at your wedding.
Yeah, a man who talks to you like that is definitely not a man you should be imagining a future with. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being degraded by an asshole? Or do you want to spend your time raising a man child to act like a respectful adult? If you don’t want to do either of those things, I think you have spent enough months with this man.
I divorced my first wife because of her bad hygiene habits. She wouldn't shower for 3 days and wanted to have sex. Don't get me started on her dental hygiene.
This is the comment. You don’t ask him about going to dinner with a friend you tell him you’ll be out. Absolutely nothing wrong going out with friends still and having fun with your friends
I’m sorry OP. just know that is a totally normal part of life! I went thru the exact same thing and I chose myself every time and now I’m with the absolute love of my life? and he would NEVER try me like that. You deserve better! You will make the right decision
You do not need to prove your enlightenment and support of GlBTQ+ by wasting more precious years of your life with a cheater. Do not fall for the sunken cost fallacy, your years of investment in this relationship was wiped out literally in a single night of opportunity on his part. What an asshole.
It really is OK for you to get angry here. Who he got the bj from is irrelevant. The fact he got drunk beforehand is irrelevant. The fact you couldn't be away for ONE NIGHT without him pouncing on the situation to sneak around is 100% relevant. Honestly, I find his crocodile tears after the fact completely manipulative and dishonest… he's a sneak and a liar. However he wants to excuse it “oh, my journey to self!” Such bullshit.
Tell him you bless him, wish him a million more BJs on his journey, and the NEXT step if that journey of his is right on out your front door, because you won't be on the giving side of any of them. Tell him to ho back to his fetish bar, round up a couple domestic subs, and get his shit out of your house.
Therapy is all about getting tools to help you through your life. and to help you deal with aspects of yourself you're not comfortable with.
It isn't sitting on a couch crying while someone listens- not all the time. It's about getting a professional perspective on your brain and how it works. Connecting dots and getting more comfortable with how you perceive the world and changing what makes you uncomfortable.
The fact you're just willing to accept a partner who is going to make you feel shitty and invalidate you when you're sad is an indicator you probably need to work on yourself. You don't think you deserve a partner who will support and comfort you.
Sure you can deal with it for now. Maybe a year from now. But five years? Ten years? That sort of thinking and denial of your own feelings will tear on your soul. And it will make you unable to deal with the fallout once you finally do break.
Has he started watching anyone like Jordan Peterson or any of those other “self-help/pick-up/business gurus”? They’re all incredibly misogynistic and encourage abusive behaviors like “testing” your partner.
I think you don't know him well, and he probably has issues you are only just beginning to see. Remember, people are not who they seem when we first meet them. They reveal their true selves over time. You are seeing who he is. If you are not okay with being ghosted and vague answers, run now. This will continue. Sounds like he's testing to see what he can get away with.
Oh and also usually ibstay calm even during her freak outs but a few times shes made me snap and even then i dont talk yo her like she does to me like calling her names or anything. But i do raise my voice and tell her i wont tolerate that behaviour. When i do that she cries and locks herself in the bathroom and she says that she thinks that im going to hit her because her ex used to. That just sounds insulting to me cause if i wont even cuss her out like she does to me then how the hell does she think that i would harm her ?
No. This is not the way. Yes she can dress all sexy and have a night out away from the baby. But that’s not the issue. My husband has put on a tone of weight since we had kids and everything about him is desirable. I don’t have a over weight bald white male fetish. I love the guy and that makes him desirable. It’s the same in reverse. My husband watches porn on occasions and notices the sexy ladies out there. He also finds me sexy and desirable even though I’ve had a c section and out on weight and look like a classic middle age mum.
Your kind words are deeply appreciated ❤️
Grow up and stop “making jokes” to broach the topic. You're a big boy who wrote all that out, I'm sure you can use your big boy words to communicate your feelings.
He can’t spend 5-10 minutes to cuddle with you?? I feel like you’re not asking for too much and it’s pretty normal to cuddle after sex so I don’t think you should be compromising about cuddling. He’s your bf!
Yea I said little uncle because he’s a kid as well
Pretty sure she just wanted an excuse to do nothing.
that's what I was thinking. and tbh it wouldn't even surprise me if it was a faked pregnancy
What you did counts as cheating, but you didn't know any better, so you're not really in the wrong. Your husband should've educated you before. Also he shouldn't have coerced you into doing something you weren't particularly excited about.
There is nothing to be confused about. She doesn't want to be friends, she wants to keep you in her back pocket. I have no idea why you are even speaking to her.
Tell him it's important you get to peg him first.
Turkish
People who are late are telling you your time is not important to them.
She text me back.
Sure, I'm taking him at his word here, that's what he said she said to him in the post – he said that he is currently doing 100% of the domestic labor and that she expects that to continue after the baby is born for an unspecified period of time which he took to mean indefinitely. Whether or not that's true we have no way of knowing, but that's what he said she said to him and if that is what she said to him (which I acknowledged initially might not be true, but again we can either take him at his word or jump to conjecture based on our preconceived notions of how these things usually are, but neither is likely to be the whole truth), that's a pretty unacceptable thing to expect of someone.
Dude- if you don't want to get married, and don't consider it a requirement, you absolutely have that conversation pro-actively. You don't date someone for years who seems to be marriage minded, and just hope it doesn't come up. She's done waiting for you- she asked that question because the answer determined whether or not she left your ass. You said you planned on marrying her at some point. If that's a lie you tell her now. If you still aren't ready after 6 years, it means you don't want to marry her, but you don't want to have to deal with a break up, which is cowardly as hell. You're not in the “getting to know you” phase after six years where that question can be a maybe. Just tell her so she can stop wasting her time and dump you.
Erm … your wife might be gay. Im sorry.
Can you move in with a friend or relative? If you value your life, get away from this guy.
Happy early birthday! Look at this as an opportunity to go into your new year with a focus on yourself and on people who show you that they want to be in your life. Don't settle and don't chase someone who doesn't want to be chased.
What bothered me was that she said she wishes to MARRY him, you know? Because that's more… Sentimental, maybe?
It's still in the same boat as a celebrity crush. It's just a hyperbolic way of putting it. Because the reality is, like all celebrity crushes anyone has, she doesn't know Tom Holland and actually wouldn't marry him unless she got to know him and worked out if he was someone she'd want to marry.
So I wouldn't sweat it any more than that. It's just fantasy land stuff and joking about with a friend, definitely not worth bringing up to her.
Honestly I would just delegate this to your partner. If his brother’s girlfriend won’t talk to you, then your partner can talk to his brother about the extent to which they would like to participate in your wedding. They’re your partner’s guests, and his problem if he wants them at your wedding.
Did you live on campus? I'm only saying this because it was normal to see 18-19 year olds with people 21+ a lot at college.
Did you live on campus? I'm only saying this because it was normal to see 18-19 year olds with people 21+ a lot at college.
Yeah, a man who talks to you like that is definitely not a man you should be imagining a future with. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being degraded by an asshole? Or do you want to spend your time raising a man child to act like a respectful adult? If you don’t want to do either of those things, I think you have spent enough months with this man.
I divorced my first wife because of her bad hygiene habits. She wouldn't shower for 3 days and wanted to have sex. Don't get me started on her dental hygiene.
Thx for the help just don’t want to jeopardize anything but you’re right
This is the comment. You don’t ask him about going to dinner with a friend you tell him you’ll be out. Absolutely nothing wrong going out with friends still and having fun with your friends
How is he looking for a reason to jump ship? He's still there. He simply doesn't want more kids with her.
I’m sorry OP. just know that is a totally normal part of life! I went thru the exact same thing and I chose myself every time and now I’m with the absolute love of my life? and he would NEVER try me like that. You deserve better! You will make the right decision
You do not need to prove your enlightenment and support of GlBTQ+ by wasting more precious years of your life with a cheater. Do not fall for the sunken cost fallacy, your years of investment in this relationship was wiped out literally in a single night of opportunity on his part. What an asshole.
It really is OK for you to get angry here. Who he got the bj from is irrelevant. The fact he got drunk beforehand is irrelevant. The fact you couldn't be away for ONE NIGHT without him pouncing on the situation to sneak around is 100% relevant. Honestly, I find his crocodile tears after the fact completely manipulative and dishonest… he's a sneak and a liar. However he wants to excuse it “oh, my journey to self!” Such bullshit.
Tell him you bless him, wish him a million more BJs on his journey, and the NEXT step if that journey of his is right on out your front door, because you won't be on the giving side of any of them. Tell him to ho back to his fetish bar, round up a couple domestic subs, and get his shit out of your house.
Talk to a lawyer or finance adviser, not reddit, is my advice. Defo have a prenup.
Therapy is all about getting tools to help you through your life. and to help you deal with aspects of yourself you're not comfortable with.
It isn't sitting on a couch crying while someone listens- not all the time. It's about getting a professional perspective on your brain and how it works. Connecting dots and getting more comfortable with how you perceive the world and changing what makes you uncomfortable.
The fact you're just willing to accept a partner who is going to make you feel shitty and invalidate you when you're sad is an indicator you probably need to work on yourself. You don't think you deserve a partner who will support and comfort you.
Sure you can deal with it for now. Maybe a year from now. But five years? Ten years? That sort of thinking and denial of your own feelings will tear on your soul. And it will make you unable to deal with the fallout once you finally do break.
ok thank you for your input 🙂
Has he started watching anyone like Jordan Peterson or any of those other “self-help/pick-up/business gurus”? They’re all incredibly misogynistic and encourage abusive behaviors like “testing” your partner.
Yes, it’s rape. No consent=rape. An unconscious person can’t consent to sex.
I think you don't know him well, and he probably has issues you are only just beginning to see. Remember, people are not who they seem when we first meet them. They reveal their true selves over time. You are seeing who he is. If you are not okay with being ghosted and vague answers, run now. This will continue. Sounds like he's testing to see what he can get away with.
This isn’t real lol, why do people write this shit
Lol, and how she thinks she's “ruining him.”
So pathetic…
Oh and also usually ibstay calm even during her freak outs but a few times shes made me snap and even then i dont talk yo her like she does to me like calling her names or anything. But i do raise my voice and tell her i wont tolerate that behaviour. When i do that she cries and locks herself in the bathroom and she says that she thinks that im going to hit her because her ex used to. That just sounds insulting to me cause if i wont even cuss her out like she does to me then how the hell does she think that i would harm her ?
No. This is not the way. Yes she can dress all sexy and have a night out away from the baby. But that’s not the issue. My husband has put on a tone of weight since we had kids and everything about him is desirable. I don’t have a over weight bald white male fetish. I love the guy and that makes him desirable. It’s the same in reverse. My husband watches porn on occasions and notices the sexy ladies out there. He also finds me sexy and desirable even though I’ve had a c section and out on weight and look like a classic middle age mum.
The problem isn’t OP!