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I don't see an issue with her messages, I would have a bigger problem with her being an influencer. That's the red flag to me.
Leave her first, find a therapist and doctor to discuss root issues and possibly medication to help, then find someone that actually cares about you
I don't interact with them anymore — they blocked me out of their lives and abandoned me months ago. But it's just absolutely devastating.
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Question.
Would you be okay with your parents shooting up heroin 5 minutes before meeting your GFs parents for the first time?
If not can you explain why?
Question.
Would you be okay with your parents shooting up heroin 5 minutes before meeting your GFs parents for the first time?
If not can you explain why?
It depends on the people. Often, the offer to be friends isn't sincere anyway. Neither is accepting the offer, in many cases. People just think it's polite. Genuine friendship between exes is not impossible, however. The conditions for it just have to be right.
Once upon a time, I was your BF. In a long term relationship, but like most men, happy just to have fun and not worry about where it's going.
My GF had to casually make it know in a somewhat tense but amicable exchange that she was starting to worry about whether things would progress and how long it would take
I got the message and that got me thinking along those lines and whether I was willing to lose her by avoiding the deeper commitments that she was looking for
I proposed shortly after. Not right away, but shortly after on my terms. Not too long, but long enough that we could both pretend it was my idea.
Tell him how you're feeling. Not with ultimatums and timelines. But make him hear you and understand what you want and why it matters to you.
He'll either get on board, or if he doesn't at least you'll know he's not the one.
Either way, you win.
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You HAVE TO nip this in the bud right now… the longer you wait, the harder it will be to establish your boundaries without hurting their feelings. You have a right to still need your own independent time away from your partner, especially this early. When one partner is overly clingy and needy, and it goes unaddressed, the relationship is doomed. You will eventually grow to be irritated in their presence.
You have to put your foot down now… before they get the opinion that you are ok with this much smothering. If you don't, when you finally get fed up and tell them you need space, they will think you don't love them anymore.
Although it sucks she developed feelings for someone else, I have to admire the way she handled it. Sometimes you can’t help how you feel and she respected you and dealt with it perfectly. Hopefully you can both sort this out one way or another
I’m sorry for your situation. Objectively, if she doesn’t trust you to be around any female, even in a professional situation, it’s pretty much over. Lawyer up to protect yourself and your future. Hopefully you are young enough to not have a huge amount of debt or assets. Please do not sleep with her. A baby is the last thing you need right now. Plus there’s the chance she could pin someone else’s on you. Just be done.
Agreed. Testing DNA should be normal as the amount of fathers who find out their kid isn't theirs is insane.
OP, I get you're insulted, but this does happen to guys. It doesn't mean his friends are sexist or toxic.
Living in the same house as a separated partner or even a divorced partner, for financial reasons, is less uncommon than it used to be. I had a situation like that. I found people were still willing to date me.
Well, not really. The flowers I pick up are spur on the moment just for the hell of it, maybe about £2/$3, which is a small bunch of flowers. This happens maybe once every 3 weeks or something?
I find it's important to give tokens of affection just for the hell of it, and not just for a special occasion. I feel it makes the object of affection know that you're thinking about them often.
You said you would let the past go, not ignore the present.
Thank you for your answer, we have absolutly no other problems, we rarely fight coz we talk about everything and he told me about his struggles with sexuality before but he said it was all in the past! I will surely try to talk to him. I was just looking for the right approach.
Maybe they've had some violent guy after someone they know previously, so they know how quickly things can escalate in some situations? Maybe they feel safer doing this. Though they don't have anxiety disorder, they can still feel scared and worry for both their own and your safety. If your best friend met your boyfriend, he might've picked up on some unsettling behavior that you didn't notice, and that's why he's going the extra mile.
You could ask him if he thinks your ex could pose a direct threat and that's why they are taking all these preventative measures, or whether they are just being safe. Hear him out, at least.
Being the target of someone's hostility is never just about you, it also impacts the people around you. Just like you would care if it happened to someone you cared about. That's just what being human is about. Sometimes you make things uncomfortable for others, sometimes they do for you. But in most cases people are fine with it, because the person matters more than some temporary inconvenience when it all comes down to it. These feelings will pass for both you and them. It might feel very bad right now, but you will all survive those feelings. It feels like a big deal now, but later down the line, it will just be a side note in your lifes' stories
I mean, I doubt it.
The only reason my bf and I don’t live together is twofold:
I enjoy my own personal space
he is not in a position financially to contribute to rent on a regular basis (he got heavily obsessed with day trading during the pandemic and while I’m fine with his choice of side hustle, it’s not stable enough for me to feel comfortable cohabitating. My ex leeched off me for 6 months and I’m extremely cautious now of living with partners who aren’t financially stable).
It shouldn’t matter if it’s a serious relationship or not. Her actions showed she doesn’t care about you. Like other redditors have said, cut ties. Work on yourself. Do some self reflection and mature yourself for a woman who isn’t going to treat you like rubbish
There is absolutely zero good reason for you to stay with this guy. There are many good reasons for you to get away.
Focus on the things you love that make you happy, and surround yourself with friends and family who love you.
Why the fuck would you date an almost 40 year old man? I will tell YOU why he dated you: Women his own age can tell he is a p.o.s. and he has nothing to impress them with.
I’m just a bit concerned we are with each other because we don’t do too many responsible adult things together and our uglier sides haven’t come out yet. I had a plan on maybe trying to cook a really complicated recipe with her or something
It makes me sad but i think youre right. I think we just dont like each other in that way anyway. Thanks for your reply
I'm sorry you've been made to believe you are only worthy if you please your mam sexually. You should never put another person's pleasure above your health and safety. You're comfort matters, please tell him you cannot continue.
No, unfortunately not.
Feeling pressured not to share your opinion and caving is still a lack of self. And if it's caused by your bf partially, well, you know he is doing it to keep you down. He doesn't want you to be honest with your therapist. He doesn't want you to feel like your feelings are important, because of you treasured your feelings you'd be gone for everything he put you through. He doesn't even want you to be honest with the internet. And eventually, he doesn't want you to be honest with yourself, so you will do the work of convincing yourself that it wasn't that bad or that you misunderstood him or he has good intentions for him. Abuse is about creating a cycle that traps the victim, and gets the victim to reinforce their own entrapment.
Please be honest with your therapist. If you would find it overwhelming to witness an emotional response, or feel like backing off if they say something like oh that's horrible which might trigger you to back off, then either write it all down before a session, or simply tell them you are concerned about that and ask them to stay poker faced until you are done.
I sincerely hope you find better people to surround yourself with. To be alone is far better than only having a parasite for company. You are worth a lot more than how you feel right now.
He sounds jealous, but it also sounds like this friend isn’t a big presence in your lives, maybe this is one of those rare occasions that it’s not worth solving. Sounds like it would be some effort for both of you to get to a resolution and it sounds like it’s a minimal impact to you happiness and relationship, unless the jealousy spreads to other things.
Time to get a new boyfriend!
I think a lot of people cheat and that's obviously bad, and up to you if you want a relationship where you can see other people. The fact he thinks it's different for him than for you is a huuuuge issue. As is him saying he woukd probably cheat on you 3 times if you got pregnant.
A decade is a long time to be with someone and leaving is very hard but you deserve a lot better than that. 30 is young you have plenty of time to find someone who appreciates you
Asshole
That would be my guess too
I hope we get an update. Instead of trying for an affair (though maybe he did and was rejected), BF straight out destroyed your marriage to get your wife! I hope you fought for your wife after this, man.
“My friend is the worst person in the world. How do I still get her to be my friend?”
If she's serious about this and wants to be non-monogamous in future relationships, she's going to be in for quite a shock when it turns out there are still rules and that the relationship still takes the same amount of work – maybe even more. The fact that she tried pressuring you into it and gave you an ultimatum is proof that she's not nearly responsible enough or emotionally intelligent enough to handle a poly partnership, in my opinion.
Like many others have said, there's a good chance she'll get over her “grass is greener” phase and come back. Don't let her. If you give it enough time, I promise you'll start remembering other things about this relationship that sucked, and you'll be glad you've moved on.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your spouse should be the person you can trust most in the world yet he betrayed & hurt you. If you are able and want to then you should terminate while it's still early. There's no reason you should continue to suffer nor be chained to this person for the rest of your life (because a child would do that). I'd recommend not telling him (or anyone who might try to get in your way or ham you to prevent you from making your own choices) that you are pregnant nor what your plans are.
Report him, maybe file for a protective order, definitely for divorce and surround yourself with supportive people to make it though the tough times. It won't be easy for a while but you'll be better off in the end because you deserve to be happy & to have control over your own life & body. You don't deserve to be betrayed, manipulate, assaulted, hurt and made to live in fear. You can make it through this.
Id say…keep doing what you've been doing(before he moved schools)? Even if you dont make friends..as long as you reign in the codependence and dont stick to him….its up to him if he makes any friends or not. If he choses to stick to you…and kills his chances of making friends or misses on parties or etc it will be his decision.
+im not sure if his former school's friends/parties where a good thing…because of the drinking and drugs…overall distancing himself from them might be a good thing(even if he made it for the wrong reasons)
Well as the other poster said, relax a little, let it take its time and develop. You will be fine
She doesnt want to be together for reasons. How do I approach it?
Sorry my friend, this one you shouldn't.
Its not fair to yourself to chase after a person where you have to beg for a chance.
You will be better off having someone who can move forward with you with confidence, that way you have security in your relationship.
She has stated multiple times that she is not interested in anything long term with you, you kind of have to accept that and move forward as friends.
Check your lease. Most likely him moving in is a violation of the lease. You can either talk to her directly or get the landlord involved. It’s not fair that you’re paying to support him.
Do you read books for fun at all? It's like asking “what makes you enjoy movies?” or “how does your boyfriend feel about you watching television?” It's a form of storytelling. I tend to prefer written sex scenes more than video because they're more focused on the thoughts and feelings the characters are experiencing over the physical act itself.
If that were true then you would understand where she’s coming from… She contributed over $500 and you offered $20 then finally $60… This seems like it is a one sided friendship…
Time to open the relationship.. and dump him from it
He’s asking now but he’s really telling you… most of the time these men will end up cheating after asking if they aren’t already. It sounds to me you’re doing everything on your own anyways so time to drop this shmuck
There’s better out there, you’re better! You deserve more ?
And then the neighbors clapped
But he's not working now and not contributing. It doesn't really matter what happened before, its about what is happening in this moment.
I don't know what failure of your reasoning skills occurred that led you to marry someone who refused to have sex with you, but I'm inclined to agree with your friends, especially since he's wanting a “friend” to move in. You're a beard. You married a super closeted gay man and you're his cover. Even if he isn't, is this really how you want live the rest of your life?
In a dead bedroom with someone who blames you for it and won't even talk about it after 6 whole years. Not to mention I'd love to know what you're smoking that you're planning a SECOND wedding in this situation.
But he's not working now and not contributing. It doesn't really matter what happened before, its about what is happening in this moment.
This is fabulous insight. I have nothing more to add, I just wanted to thank you for sharing and providing solid advice.
This is fabulous insight. I have nothing more to add, I just wanted to thank you for sharing and providing solid advice.
Agreed thks.. I wouldn't obviously have said the mean stuff.
This is not a reasonable thing to be concerned about – even if you're concerns are right, there is nothing you can do about it. It reflects poorly on you to be this “concerned” about someone else's relationship. Mind your business.
Then you need to move. The fact that you have any expectation of continuing to live in an apartment on her fathers dime absolutely blows my mind. “I was just going to bring it up,” and it’s an insanely stupid thing to bring up.
She’s been paying rent for two months while gone, that’s not a small amount of money. Trying to cornering her into leaving now, if that was your plan, is super shitty to do to anyone. Even someone you don’t consider a friend anymore.
Start apartment hunting and get a reality check. It’s hard to believe this isn’t a troll because of the pure audacity.
Yeah, sorry someone else clarified that for me as I misread the post initially. I agree
It’s possible he’s cheating but also entirely possible he’s telling the truth. He might have washed these pants 6 months ago with the wrapper in the pocket and totally forgot about it and hasn’t worn them since.
It doesn’t sound like he was trying to be secretive at all. Like if he was trying to keep something from you, he probably would’ve been more aware and tried to hide finding the wrapper from you before giving them to you. Or he would’ve given you different pants.
Plus, if he’s cheating on you and hooking up in his cozy pants that’s kinda a weird move. A condom wrapper in the jeans pockets would make me more suspicious that he hooked up with someone. A condom wrapper in the cozy pants makes me think it was someone he was seeing long term, so that was probably before your time.
I still have a box of condoms in a drawer from when I was single 6 months ago and my bf and I don’t use them. Not used condoms, but I’m just saying 6 months in is still a reasonable amount of time to have leftovers from the single days laying about. If you were 6 years into the relationship, that would be a different story. But a wrapper in a pocket from 6 months ago doesn’t immediately make me suspicious
You are having feelings for the person he was in his teens. You don’t know anything about him now, how he has mature or anything like that. You are just after somebody who doesn’t exist. Even you aren’t the same that you were. Stop fantasizing about somebody that is not real.
It was a gentleman I had zero romantic interest in but a man nonetheless, I didn’t deliberately cut off communication, had I had my phone infront of me and could see it buzzing I wouldn’t ignore it, it was simply in my bag while I was with other people. Also, throughout our relationship it hasn’t been unusual for one of us to go mia for a few hours while we are busy or with friends
Don't ask question if you're not ready to hear the answer. Also pretty people aren't necessarily good people. Stop asking studies questions like that because he's obviously attracted to you and personality is much more important than being beautiful. Doesn't mean you're not pretty.
Woman here…there is absolutely no way she can spin what you saw with your own eyes on video as “it's not what it looks like.”
It IS what it looks like. And her best friend…seriously, BLESS HER…she saved you from marrying a cheater and liar.
Woman here…there is absolutely no way she can spin what you saw with your own eyes on video as “it's not what it looks like.”
It IS what it looks like. And her best friend…seriously, BLESS HER…she saved you from marrying a cheater and liar.
Woman here…there is absolutely no way she can spin what you saw with your own eyes on video as “it's not what it looks like.”
It IS what it looks like. And her best friend…seriously, BLESS HER…she saved you from marrying a cheater and liar.
A cheater is a cheater, if not that night she would have in the future. It’s a broken moral compass. Be thankful you weren’t married or had children. Someday you’ll realize it was a blessing in disguise when you find the real right one
I'm sorry you're getting hammered here. FWIW, I get it. Your inner calculation is that mention = interest, and like it or not, the more Partner mentions said Employee, the more it triggers your worry that he's interested in her.
But I get his POV too. I think your inner voice is already warning you that expressing unfounded suspicion and distrust to one's Partner is like a stinkweed bouquet or a dogfood dinner on Valentines Day.
So I'm afraid this looks to me like a Cope or Bail deal. Hopefully if you take your discomfort/jealousy to a confidant, clergy or counselor, and hide your feelings from Partner as best you can, you will either learn to cope, or realize that you just can't.
First, he owns the company and these people are his employees, correct? If so, your partner probably knows what a terrible idea it would be to become romantically involved with one of his employees. Second, do they ever have events (lunch, dinner, happy hour) where partners/spouses are invited? It would be good to socialize a bit with his team and observe the interactions, and maybe get to know this girl yourself. This can help a lot in terms of understanding the dynamics, and if you really have anything to worry about.
see I'm a sucker for romance stories like this, so if I saw this on wattpad I would prob check it out haha
It's a bit weird but they're not related. Leave them alone and don't stick your nose where it's not wanted. MYOB and you'll be fine
shrug
I'd have no problem sharing my location with my family, but I'm afraid of getting murdered.
I mean statistically, it'd be by one of those people who has access to my location, but what if some random whackjob offs me while I'm taking a leisurely stroll that I didn't tell anyone about?
It just doesn't initially scream “control” to me, seems like a legit safety net
she recognizes that I don't have these views and she has nothing against me, she worries that my dad's views will cause her family not to accept me.
[…]
she is hoping to talk about this to her parents to see how they would react.
I completely fail to see why your girlfriend feels the need to discuss your dad's views with her parents. What's it to them? What bearing does it have?
If I were you, I would be really concerned about getting into a relationship with someone who depends so much on her parents' opinions in the first place.
This is it right here. She didn’t settle for you. She fell in love with you.
Whether or not you were her very first choice that particular week a decade back does not matter as much as whether or not she chose to commit to you. And continues to choose you every day she puts love and effort into a relationship with you.
i'd rather have that than most love at first sight. Because most love at first sight doesn't end well. There's something so lovely about growing together and getting to know the person.
You’re fine having your day ruined though? I’m with team confront him in front of everyone
Then you’ll know whether this group of people are actually your friends or if they don’t care that one of them likes to verbally harass you
I live in Poland
This isn’t true really though. I mostly use instagram for reels because it’s less addicting than tik tok cause their algorithm is shittier. This would be true on tik tok, their algorithm is great, too good for me to use the app responsibly, but on instagram I’ve literally asked it to stop showing me gym bro / girl content at least 50 times and it still shows on my discover page… I’ve asked it to stop showing me thirst traps to and it doesn’t anymore for the reels but they still show up on discover. I never even use the discover tab, I think most people don’t and I don’t search instagram for models and I don’t follow any, but it’s still there so I’m assuming the algorithm is just written to show dudes thirst trap posts and models as a priority, maybe it’s part of how they make money, maybe they get a cut of what instagram models get from their brand people idk, havent looked into, but it seems to be like that
Absolutely not. What does the number of kids that she has had have anything to do with this? His feelings are just as valid as hers.
No offense if you genuinely believe it’s normal to have a crush on another girl during a relationship and say you think about her all the time and want to tell her, then I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not normal. If he didn’t want to be with me anymore, he could tell me that instead. It would hurt but at least he wouldn’t be thinking about cheating.
Also I never said it was notes on his phone. It was physical paper notes that were left out on the desk.
The 40s/50s house wife comparison is actually highly accurate. Women back then weren’t allowed to have bank accounts (all in the husbands name) and were forced to stay with their S/O because he controlled all the money. It’s seen as controlling and toxic now a days (rightfully so) yet, that’s what people are recommending OP do. Stay with a toxic S/O because he has the money.
Yep, the story would have been a lot more believable if it was just some low level video quality porn with someone who vaguely resembled his girlfriend.
Well, he is being disrespectful to u. MY question is…. Is he any good at rapping? Some can rap. Some think they can and have their dufluncky friends telling them they can simply to watch them embarrass themselves. ?♀️
There are no bigger red flags than this. He’s telling you YOUR SA was YOUR FAULT and he’s expressed a willingness to commit SA.
GTFO IMMEDIATELY. You don’t owe him an explanation, closure, a chance to redeem himself- nothing. I’m ghost his ass and then blast him on social media for this. He is repugnant.
Uh you've been dating since valentine's day. He has hotted and colded numerous times and made you cry twice. Wake up sweetheart, your defense of him is a sign his manipulation is working .
If she’s smart she’ll leave you if you refuse therapy. You’re not treating her well at all.
Yeah seriously, grandparents and other close family (who aren't in the bridal party) often make up the tail end of the processional. They just go to the front (or second) row of seats rather than standing.
Hair an hour?? Like a date?? Why such short notice wth
If you have areas you want to change, change them. If it's trust you need to gain, be trustworthy. If it's honesty, be honest. If it's affection, be affectionate. You should not bank on trying to change your innate personality. If you don't like affection, then don't be affectionate kinda thing. If it's not a big deal, and you are comfortable but you don't think much of it because it's just not a primary love language, then step up your game kinda thing. The proof is in words and actions, they must say the same thing consistently. If you're doing that, you're doing all you can and sometimes things aren't meant to be no matter how much we wish they could. If you keep bugging him and just making promises and not actually showing any good will towards that, resentments do build and feelings begin to disappear. Time, patience and consistency are all your tools and will work in your favor if you focus more on you and just touch base and check in on your partner. Make sure they're OK and whatnot, but focus more on you because it's best for both y'all. Or whatever y'all are at right now. If you're still bf/gf don't act like you're not, just don't ask about relationship constantly or for at least 30 days. That's how long it takes for habits to break and new habits to form.
Wow. To me that feels like he was imagining being with them, or that he wants to be with them, but he wanted to be faithful, so he ended up doing this. He’s got issues, I think you need to book a couple counselling for you both. You’re young. If you get divorced you’re going to be ok, so don’t have any fears.
It’s an issue that he was touching you while you were sleeping! If you gave him that permission beforehand, then it’s ok, but if you didn’t, I would call it an assault. He doesn’t find you attractive anymore? If he doesn’t, then you need to dig deeper. It’s possible to bring the spark back, but both people need to work on it. He was watching another women while touching you, that’s a different level of issue… I think there need to be a conversation. Don’t let this go. Was he watching porn or was he watching some random girl or friends photos/video?
Sigh, more spam
I did. It's called pro se. I'm in Texas though, so you'll have to check out your local law. We're in a community property state, so we had to divide everything up that was acquired during the marriage.
The audacity of this man. You can retort with “yay so now you’ll be paying half the groceries, half the cleaning supplies, half the internet, half the cleaning and half the cooking!”. Its only fair, do not let this man walk all over you.
This is super, super, super common. Like it's the normal way this plays out and it would be weird if you had more success than she does. Women in these situations always have more success than the men. You should probably join some group for people in open marriages or poly to discuss this with other men, since most of them are in the same circumstances.
I hope your right the truth always wins out. I told my second closest and mutual friend what happened bc i really needed to get it out. She talked to the same friend and our friend told another friend that happens to be my roommate. And he told his parents who im close to and they’ve texted me asking what happened. No one else has accused me of anything but honesty i feel like everyones going to hate me after this
Things are spiraling and I dont know what she’s telling them and im not sure i have any willpower to defend myself
Thank you so much. And thank you for acknowledging that it’s going to be tough because I know Reddit is quick to say “don’t put up with it” but doesn’t understand the sacrifices/struggles that come with it.
So since you're demisexual, you expect the entire rest of the human population to be demi as well? It's ok to have fantasies, it's not necessarily a betrayal. You're projecting your sexuality onto him and blaming him for being insufficiently demi. Seems pretty illogical to me.
Has he seen a doctor? If this is really different from previous times he has been sick, it might be worth it to check if everything is ok. And you should always cover your mouth when you cough.
That’s actually a very sweet idea. Thank you
Thank you! I appreciate this response. I do believe she would bring them to see me. Her work headquarters are located in our current city as well as many of her friends. Our children will be schooled privately from home (we have already vetted a private tutor). She has no plans on moving until everything is finalized and has rented an Airbnb nearby so that she can live there until we reach an agreement we are both satisfied with. She would move after. It almost makes it harder that she is being so amicable. It would be easier for me to be “in gear” so to speak if she wasn’t. As stupid as it is to say, it really feels like she wants what is best for our kids and me so I feel like there is hope when there probably isn’t any.
This blows my mind! As someone who has no idea why people have to be friends with people just because they live near each other (for one I’ve lived in the same street 27 years and have no idea what 90% of my neighbours names are and there’s only 18 houses!) and secondly I also have no idea why people care about their self image so much to others! Unless you’re Elon Musk or Jeff Benzos, there’s always going to be someone who earns more, has more and achieved more.. so it’s just a will waving contest for pointless reasons.
It is very concerning that you wife’s self worth and image is more important to her than family.. her kid or not, he’s yours so he’s family.
You said no and pushed him away several times so, yes, it's rape. In some countries the drugs would mean you would be deemed unable to give meaningful consent.
1) If you slept with more than 100 men in college, thinking about the number of partners is bad (300/500)
2) you must have crossed many limits on sex (like mmf / mmmmmf) it is not possible to satisfy you, it is better to think that you are always pretending
3) I strongly believe you are cheating, children can be your husband but you cannot be monogamous.
There's a lot to write about on this subject, so let him see a lawyer, you couldn't fix this.
I hope your husband is better than me.
Ok. So. From personal experience, 50 year old men don't prioritise social media like 26 year old women do.
That, or he's married.
Is it possible that they have assumed you don't want your family to comment? I have a small (2k) following and my parents/close family don't comment as the majority of my followers are friends and they don't want to 'embarrass' me
Tell him that it's becoming a deal breaker and see What he says
Yeah! I'm glad you could get back in contact. Hope it works.
You're a douche and your friend is right. You don't get to decide that someone has to give you some just because they've given themselves to someone else. This ain't no damn pony ride.
Also, though, she sounds abusive.
And I mean that in a very clinical sense.
Isolating your partner from friends and family is like, the absolute most basic building block of an abusive relationship.
The turn tables!
Why are you two married? I read some of your responses to other people's comments and it seems as though you two are not partners in most ways. You don't even help each other with debt that can effect BOTH of you. What is the point of being married?
I would also check for a second tracking device. Tactic could be to make OP think hes sorry, and get her guard down, while he still knows where she is. I don't think he would give up control that easily.
Jesus Christ. Me me me me me. That’s all your post was about. Funny enough, it’s HIS life! Not yours! And he doesn’t need your approval on where he and his wife live and start a family. “Excuses” to stay?? Girl. They’re just reasons, he doesn’t need to excuse his life choices to you.
He’s an adult. He’s living his life the way that will make him the most happy. He and his wife are partners, they take each other and their needs into consideration when making big life choices. You are not his partner in life, so why would he stay somewhere he clearly doesn’t want to be just because you want him to? Would you rather he live 70km away from you and be miserable or be in America and be happy?
His wife’s mother was the one to tell you they’re going to start trying for a baby because you refuse to just be happy for him that he’s living the life he wants. He’s HAPPY. That’s all that should matter to you! He was scared to tell you some pretty big news but clearly they weren’t worried that his wife’s parents would freak out and make it all about them like you are. You are pushing your son away and it has nothing to do with distance.
Continue with therapy because your therapist is right that you can’t control your adult son.
He’s not abandoning you. His choice of where to live has nothing to do with you or how much he loves you. You will lose him altogether if you can’t stop trying to control his life.
The fact that she showed up at your workplace for reasons other than shopping kind of proves breaking up was the right choice. That's a level of familial involvement that uh, yeah, neither necessary or healthy.
Tell your manager what's the what and have them intervene on your behalf.
Especially as you pass 40! ISTG I just had a birthday, I don’t need anything special, a nice dinner is plenty. OP’s guy is a schmole.
He also tried to say he wasn’t even choking me, he was just “resting” his arm on my chest to hold me there and that me struggling to get away from him is what was “making it like that for me”. He then went on to explain that that wasn’t his intention and he didn’t mean for it to hurt me, but i told him it doesn’t matter your intention you still choked me out.
You don't reconcile. You are a child and they are the adults. They are the one who are horrible to make you feel this way just because you want to out yourself first for once. I know it is hard, but it is probably best to move out as soon as you can. Staying there will literally kill you mentally and emotionally. Simply out, they are toxic.
This is an outstanding answer.
Abuse is abuse – gender is irrelevant. Do you have somewhere safe to go and take your child with you?
If you have doubts about whether this is abuse, imagine someone you care about in your shoes. Would you consider the behavior abusive? What advice would you give them? I’m guessing you wouldn’t advise them to keep quiet and put up with it.
Whether you leave her or not if your decision, but her escalating actions show she’s getting bolder and doesn’t feel like there will be consequences.
If you can get your BF to add people to the group chat, I'd sent a “recommended kit list” and then “suggested food” list. Make sure at least 1/3 of those people bring the means to cook said food, assign some others to bring ice and other sundries. Like if he just makes sure you can reach who needs to be reached, it's not hard to just assign a few things to certain folks just so it's not a total fiasco. 🙂
unrelated to the post, can you tell me how you bought a home at 24? 25 yr old here, I have a stable job where i make decent money and my spending habits are pretty reserved, and I’m still years out from being able to buy a house! please share tips! related to the post- y’all started dating when you were 17 and he was 26?? and YOURE the mature one? ?
His experience is making mistakes and telling his wife to shut up and deal with it and not taking any responsibility for the mistake. It’s okay to make mistakes, but you have to own up to it and try to make things right, especially when it’s something as careless as this.
Yes you are right, I have to take some effort to do good stuff with my life. Being poor is biggest curse and it has broken me in every possible way but still trying to keep up with others. I have to forget it somehow.