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Date: October 28, 2022
While understand and agree with everything you say, I asked a specific question. Are you agreeing that he took advantage of me here?
OP, when it comes to a strong personality but you're timid, you have to draw strong boundaries & expectations? You're basically afraid of how she treats people who stand up t oher. What would happen ifyou just said fuck it and stood up to her anyway? Like, you can't live your life in fear of bullies.
100% ridiculous reaction. I was trying to be sexy and climb on my bf and accidentally kneed him in the nuts….his reaction…oof, give me a minute…and then we laughed.
Your dude has some serious anger issues. If he isn't willing to go to therapy and seek help, I'd get the hell outta dodge. I know it seems like your whole world is enmeshed, but it won't change if you don't change it.
It's not going to be easy, but you are worth more than being a punching bag
Everyone comes with baggage. Not for anyone here to tell him whether or not he should or should not carry it. It’s his choice which is why I say, go to counseling and see if it’s gonna work
Curious is looking. Not posting your profile. Why did you check on him in the first place?
Your update makes things worse. That's so creepy!
So I'm really glad you're reaching out.
Don't keep this in. Do get a lawyer. Do reach out to your friends that you need support. It's okay.
This person took a problem you two had as a couple, a problem that can be constructively worked through in FUN WAYS…and used it as an excuse to betray you.
You guys should be doing things together to save the friendship, the marriage, your plans and your life.
Just because she made the mistake of not valuing these things doesn't mean you're without value my guy.
You aren't wrong to hold 9 of the last 10 years up as wonderful, even if the person you shared them with no longer is themselves.
I'm so sorry, but we do want you to continue on from this and not let it take you. There are ways forward, and in time this will feel so much less overwhelming. I promise.
So then he wasn’t wrong??? lol
No idea. I told him he needs to get his own bank account that is not linked with hers since she keeps taking money. I have had my own since I got my first ever paycheck. I guess parenting is different everywhere…
start by calling out your sister and laying the full blame at her feet.
How could you not interrupt??? That is so traumatizing for a young child. Take action, and now. You can go to therapy later to help yourself pick better men but right now you need to get your daughter AWAY from this man before the verbal abuse escalated into something even worse.
He isn't likely to change. You can tell him it hurts your feelings. It won't matter. The best you can probably do is work on not taking any of his words to heart. Seek counseling. Get to a point where you understand that he has a problem, and his behavior has nothing to do with you.
She will do this behind your back. There’s no discussion worth having here. Your relationship is done.
If you want a monogamous relationship, you can't have it with him. Reciprocal cheating is never a solution and he has taken it a step farther by dragging things out. He does not deserve to cheat on you. He deserved to either decide to work through your cheating or not.
I never said anyone should lie.
Ditch this guy.
OP you were bragging about letting this dude cum inside of you based on your comment history. Even said you'd be ok getting pregnant again.
Your entire comment history is fucked, and I feel sorry for the kids you have. Neither of you should have them, and now you've made another one because you two aren't responsible enough to use protection.
You act like an IUD is the only thing possible for birth control, but uhhhh why doesn't your boyfriend wrap it up? Seriously, IUDs are expensive but uh, condoms aren't.
The fact that a 41 year old man thinks pulling out is a form of BC is sad. So sad. If that's even true, your comment history says otherwise. God I feel so bad for those kids.
Also the fact that you moved them into a drug addict's house. Galaxy brain move right there.
I don't think you are being sensitive. Jim is a rude jerk. You can't force your friend to dump him, but you can make sure that you don't spend any time with him. Stay away from him. Hopefully Tanya will come to her senses.
He was said either I could do it or he could go back to the event and find someone else. He’d prefer me because he missed me. I obliged because I didn’t want to make him mad, and I didn’t want him to go have sex with another women. If he blackouts he says stuff just to hurt people without it being true. I don’t know how much / what he was drinking.
I felt overwhelmed, vulnerable, and confused at the time and just wanted to keep our call calm.
Overall, everything he did bothered me and I couldn’t tell if he was blackout drunk or not since he kept flipping between implying cheating me and being loyal / missing me. I don’t know how to bring this up to him to ask if he remembers, much less if he cheated, especially if he doesn’t remember.
I thought you were going to tell a tale of you constantly asking him about other women, working yourself up every time he's nice to a waitress, etc. Accusations of multiple affairs. I wasn't expecting you to ask about perfume in your bedroom and get a full-on gaslighting for one simple question.
I'd be very very worried and suspicious if I were you.
This is beautiful!???
Yeah, I’m not digging this girl any more after reading that. Seems pretty damn cruel to break up with you while also feeding you a bunch of crap to keep you somewhat on the hook. My guess is that she either wants to try the single life as an adult for the first time or she already has a guy in mind. Either way, she’s trying to keep you in reserve in case things don’t shake out and she wants her “safe spot” back.
You’re better than that. Move on.
I learned that dating guys like this just turns into emotional turmoil for me.
Don’t be like me.
Choose yourself.
Today is terrible day to know how to read
What is amazing to me is that you can't envision that two people can have two different ideas of what separate finances means, and they had a discussion and agreed as to what was included in that. Or something else. But this thread automatically started with “her husband forced her to go to work to pay health insurance”.
If someone wants my DNA, they're going to need a court order.
No, before the DNA test. Did she believe you were her bio-mom before she took the test?
Yeah that line about “he eventually gave up so I thought he understood” tells me that he actually did understand and he was trying to decide if he was still interested in a relationship where sex would never be on the table.
This has got to be a troll.
“Molly, You In Danger, Girl!!!”
This man is showing extreme callousness, not only about the loss of HIS child but about your welfare and emotional state. What kind of father will he be?
I try to find lessons in life’s hardships where I can. Don’t ignore what you’re learning from this experience.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending healing thoughts.
Your husband sounds exactly like my ex. He wouldn't help. I did everything around the house, including mowing and repairs. He'd tell me I needed to ask if I wanted help because he didn't know what needed done, then put off doing stuff and call me a nag when I asked. The relationship lasted 11 years, 9 years married. Finally I've had enough, packed my stuff and left. The truth is that you're being disrespected and taken for granted. The effort is one-sided. Nobody deserves to feel alone and unsupported in a relationship. That's not how relationships work. He needs to understand that he needs to start pulling his weight or its over. Sooner than later. The resentment kills the relationship every time.
What did he have for dinner and did you have it too? If you like him, text to see if hes feeling better and if hes embarrassed you can have amnesia about what happened. If you dont like him that much, just let him drift away in embarrassment.
That's a helluva shituation
You're not being ridiculous. I'm also not a jealous person and I'm even okay with some flirting if I'm there (Just like you didn't get mad initially at the arm touching), but you don't exchange numbers at the end of it. That's too far.
You don't flirt with someone the whole night and then ask for their number. That's a very clear flirtatious move.
What did your husband say about you setting your boundaries?
Fix your automoderator. Also me (26M) and my woman (28F) have an issue, CAN YOU GIVE ME ADVICE?
Can anybody give me advice for dealing with this situation? Guys is it normal to feel guilty after your woman asks you to roleplay maid stuff and she says yes and afterwards you feel like you cheated on her with a maid even though that was literally the same person only pretending to be a maid? I feel kind of disgusted with myself. Even though I know it was her. Even though it was her idea to roleplay the clumsy maid who accidentally does sex. She literally had the maid costume for years. I feel like if I talked to her about this she might respect me less as a man and as a person. So I'm asking reddit for advice. Hopefully this will specify for your automod that I am not looking for moral judgement or whatever it said but… advice? Can you give me advice?
Not a troll post, real life bud
I think someone has already provided this advice and link but you need a DV safety plan to leave! Take care
That’s called manipulation girly
Stop bud.
That line of thinking is a lie and leads nowhere good.
It’s hard to know from what you’ve written here. Maybe you’re really needy & you want to retread the same stuff ad nauseam. Maybe he feels like a few minutes of listening to whatever you’re complaining about feels like plenty to him. Maybe he’s overly practical & doesn’t see value in talking about things he can’t fix. Who knows?
You should probably spend some time in therapy before you dump this guy who sounds pretty good. You really shouldn’t dump him when you’re fresh off of missing your meds.
I been there as well (funny enough, also my first relationship). If you wanna vent together, you can message me. But it's up to you. I'm just about to leave the lab anyways.
I’m assuming that this is fake
This is great advice! Thanks.
Negative. I’m saying OP won’t feel any better (and probably worse) by stooping to his level. Creating a narrative on something I didn’t say is unbecoming.
Ask yourself, if OP starts name calling (assuming she even decides to stay with him), will it eliminate a problem or perpetuate it.
I have to keep reminding myself kids fueled with emotions run rampant on this platform. An adult has entered the chat.
Not sure if this applies to your situation, but after years of weight struggles and disordered eating/dieting, I am in body image counseling. My therapist routinely pushes against “diet culture” and the billions that support it as an industry that is not designed to work longterm but instead to eff people up mentally so they continue to struggle/have incentive to spend $$ on diet tricks. As I’ve read more and changed my priorities/am healing, I find it very difficult to support my besties who do HerbalLife or Optavia or Weight Watchers. I try to be kind but I mostly keep my mouth shut because my real inclination is to say, “yay! You’re starving yourself on 1200 calories’ worth of cardboard and while your eyes have lost their luster and you can’t enjoy a day out for sushi anymore, at least you can fit into your college jeans again??” ? so I keep my mouth shut because I really don’t support many of the diet programs out there— especially because I think my friends are beautiful and perfect, and it pains me to think they equate their worth/beauty with taking up less physical space. ?
SO. It could be that your partner is seeing anti-diet culture material on social media and is subconsciously struggling with this same dichotomy that I often do— wanting to support someone in their goals but hating the reality of what those goals really indicate/require.
It’s really interesting how our media consumption sways us, as a side note. The content you’re both served may be surprisingly different in this arena (women’s bodies, health, diets, style/fashion, etc). Could be worth a heart-to-heart. ?
How many times to you plan to post this? Even with the ones you’ve deleted you still have like 4 of the same thing up. Just grow up already.
Does she work? I mean, does she have a job? I assume she does.
You could ask her to start paying for someone to come in and clean the house. Teenagers that are still in school, will generally agree to work at tidying up, doing dishes, etc, for an hourly rate. For what needs done, she should be able to find someone in the neighborhood, who would be able to throw a load in the washer, which can easily be transferred to the dryer before they leave, per her specific instructions. She can fold and put the stuff away herself, or it can all sit in a basket and get wrinkled. It won't stink, so there's that.
While that's going, they can wash dishes, which only really takes a few minutes, for one person's dishes. Next, they can clean up the kitchen and dining room tables and counters, then sweep and mop the kitchen and tiled area. This whole process takes about 8 minutes, max, in a mid-sized home. Don't believe me? Do it on a timer, and see for yourself.
They can also collect up rubbish, and then vacuum the floor.
This can be a daily thing (doing dishes and starting the laundry, wiping up surfaces, and sweeping) and on every 3rd day or whatever, the person can mop also, maybe clean the bathroom, etc.
At a rate of 10.00 per hour, she's looking at spending about $50-$75 a week on her housekeeping helper. It's costly, but if she doesn't want to do any of these thinks, she is going to have to cough up the expense of respecting the home she shares with her partner. Hopefully, after a few weeks, she will see that it pays to not be so lazy and entitled.
Honestly, at this point, it's enough to issue her an ultimatum. Either she FINDS a way to start keeping the house clean, or you and her are finished.
Doesn't sound like a very fulfilling relationship anymore, anyway. Sorry to hear that.
Next time she should just say what she wants to instead of playing mind games