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SalomeBeauty69 Public Chat Channel
Date: October 24, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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my wife always does!!
If she broke up with you she doesn’t get to be adamant that you still say good morning and goodnight. She lost that when she broke up with you.
Just end it.
You have to draw some boundaries – you might want to start there.
I'm sorry I didn't have anything more hopeful or positive to say. I wish you all the best and all the strength you need to move forward from this.
Have you ever explicitly told her exactly what your boundaries are, and how you'll be enforcing them?
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Just immature 23 year old, common for a lot that age, move on and find someone confident in your relationship and mature
It’s a big red flag that he’s trying to guilt trip you into bringing him along to visit your ailing grandmother when he hasn’t even met anyone else in your family. 7 months is way too soon to demand that he be invited along to a family trip.
This should be very simple. Just tell him that this trip is family only and he’s not invited. If he throws a childish hissy fit about respecting a simple boundary you should break up with him.
read up on consent.
your sexual partner is allowed to say no. he is allowed to tell you are not.
your insecurities are not letting you take his words at face value.
You are not overreacting; you are under reacting
He should have IMMEDIATELY moved money from his single accr to the joint acct to cover the wifi. end of story
He broke ALL of your agreed upon rules. Instead he spends more joint acct money on a”gift” (in parentheses because if you paid for it; it ain't a gift) once again ignoring ALL THE RULES about the JOINT money. So literally no consequences for his “crimes”.
He is not treating you as an equal partner. Equal partners discuss grievances and spending. Adults acknowledge they made a mistake and correct themselves. This boy did neither.
If you still are unsure- think about if this had happened to someone you love, what would you tell them? Or imagine he spent $120 put the joint acct to buy himself a dinner while you were napping….is that okay? No. There wasn't an emergency, he is just selfish and immature
Please leave. You deserve so much more than this.
Especially not someone who's obsessed with getting in bed with “virgins”, that's both gross and alarming since that means that he might go after teens just to be sure to get his trophy.
Last sentence is my reasoning for not getting up in the morning as well.
Work on yourself! Know who you are, know your self worth. What she said doesn't matter! She was probably only projecting, making herself feel good and it was never about you anyway.
Vampires like her need to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. She's sick and was jealous of you for some reason. Forgive her, don't go down to her level because you are better than her and move on with your life. You should move on 10 years ago…
Revenge will not do anything for you so why do it? You want to feel like a bully and for some reason it will make you feel good?
Know who you are! Know your self worth! Focus on yourself and only you can validate who you are!
Who do you love more? Your husband or your two kids? Because you can have a good relationship with one and exactly one. And your kids are watching you choose your husband again and again and again. Trust me, they are watching. They blame him now, but if you keep enabling him, you will lose your kids too.
She's a psychologist and thinks locking you in the house is ok? Dude, she loves being loved but she doesn't love anyone but herself.
If you break up with her, and you really need to, I would report her to the state boards. She is not someone who should be treating others.
Basic rule of thumb when paying friends for rides to airports and the like: offer to pay for gas plus a per hour rate of say $20 an hour for their time (or whatever your country’s currency equivalent)
Or, gas plus the meal equivalent of said per hour rate.
If it’s a really good friend they’ll take the gas money and turn down the per hour rate at which point you hand them money when they leave anyway.
If it’s a decent friend they’ll take the rate plus gas and consider it quality bonding time.
It is obvious from you posting here that you are SMART. Not to mention managing college while juggling this absurd situation.
Having you on the phone all the time is absolutely abusive and CONTROLLING. You are a young woman with your entire future ahead of you. You could be anything and do anything – unless you stay with him. Then you will only be ‘allowed’ to be and do what HE says. No girl.
He is very damaged and needs therapy. Please please walk away from him NOW and do not look back. Be sure to remove tracking from your devices and undo any shared accounts. And tell your family and friends when you are ready to break it off. He could escalate. Please go live the big beautiful and FREE life you are meant to!
If I were you, anytime these thoughts come up, just repeat a mantra to yourself. “She’s just as upset as I am. She didn’t want this. She left immediately. She’s the type of girl to immediately tell me if something like this happens, which is a good thing”.
Add whatever you need to to that. You’ll get over it eventually man. Good luck
King, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
King, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
King, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
King, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
When did he date your friend?
One thing to consider would be what having devout children when you're an atheist would be like. It wouldn't be easy, and they'd probably put a lot of pressure on you to convert. Unless you could be sure that your partner would have your back in that situation… might be an idea not to pursue things further.
There's not much conversation to be had tbh… You have no right to impose something on his appearance. You can voice your opinion, which you did, and he can do whatever he wants. His face is not your decision.
I personally would let him come in a clown suit. It’s not funny. Nobody will think it’s funny. Nobody will think it’s an adorable prank. It just makes him look like an asshole – to everyone,
Also, he sounds like the kind of jerk that would do it because it passed you off. So, if you don’t act like it will bother you, the novelty of it might wear off, and that makes it less likely for him to show up in a clown suit.
Sure, I wouldn't date you though
Your statement implies there is another kind of violence that is a turn on…
Oh, man. Is there a lease break fee? If there is, is it cheaper than six months' worth of rent? If so, that's my advice: break up and break the lease.
If none of that is possible, then start looking for a real roommate who will finish out the lease. Kick her out once the other person is there. It's hard to find someone for only a few months, but it's totally possible.
In the future, don't live in a place where the payment is hard to manage even with two incomes because you really are trapped with the other person. I know that's way easier said than done these days.
Absolutely but he broke her father's arm in two points AFTER he already broke his nose and was on the ground bleeding.. it's not a normal behaviour.
The real kick to the nads is he was betrayed by two people who he thought wouldn’t for the same guy (he ain’t a man because a man wouldn’t do any of what he did in that story)
So if it's a dating thing, be prepared for her to fall in love with someone else. You are giving your blessing for her to develop feelings for someone else. Then you are under the impression that once it gets too far (she has a deep connection and feelings for this person) that she'll be able to break it off. She'll have all those new relationship feelings for this person and she'll want to spend more and more time with them. So, less time at home with you. She'll be devastated when you ask her to break it off and she'll either do it and resent you for it or she tell you she is and she'll start hiding the relationship behind your back. Either way, it's an end to your marriage. I guess this is the worse case scenario but you should talk all possible scenarios through.
You’re getting way too invested, so often this is what happens in a FWB situation, one person becomes much more invested and eventually catches some form of feelings, being an ex throws in all sorts of additional emotions, I think it’d be best for you to take a step back here, end the FWB arrangement and start trying to meet new people.
Women get bombarded way more then men. Like way more. Tons of unwanted advances. As men well usually never know what it's like to be at a point where we're irritated by another woman trying to pick us up or get in our pants right?
What I am trying to say is, you will never truly understand what it's like to be in your girls shoes in that dept, so criticizing her method of rejecting a guy is like some dweeb at work telling you how to do YOUR job when they have no clue as to the nuances of your workday.
Consider the fact as well that “I have a boyfriend” is not typically going to stop alot of guys from talking to a girl. It's like a little fluff barrier, and often overstepped anyways. It's indirect and ineffective on its own.
In summary, Yes you're trippin.
You aren’t immature. He is. Oh and he is also jealous and petty.
Do you have any friends or family in the area to reach out to? I know this feels embarrassing, but never undervalue your support network. They will absolutely go to bat for you and accompany you to the hospital.
As for telling him…”You find me repulsive and hateful now. I don't want someone who considers me disgusting in my delivery room.” And when he says that it was just a joke, ask him, “How is it a joke? What's the punchline?” And wait for him to explain.
He needs to understand that actions have consequences. If, as you believe, he's being influenced by his shitty friends, then he needs a sharp wake-up call.
Dude, he shouldn’t have a baby if he can’t do laundry. You sound like you’re projecting a lot, but this is a sketchy-ass post. And makes me think it’s fake for a few reasons: a) manufactured outrage at woman controlling man, b) age gap relationship, c) bizarre premise, d) why wouldn’t he just not tell his wife? It’s so freaking weird all over. But your impassioned defense just comes off creepy.
I’m not exactly sure what you should say since I’m female, but I bet a good “I love this dick,” during sex wouldn’t hurt. And when he says “I wish I was bigger,” a simple “I don’t,” would probably be impactful, especially if you said it in a casual (not reassuring/potentially patronizing) tone.
True, but don't discount the possibility of him being on Straterra or something similar. That drug is so popular and it kills the ability to climax normally
Well as I said – for me I don't care about this much, but thats an issue for my gf, so maybe I don't see something. And you make a conclussion that I don't respect myself. Stranger from reddit knows more about me than I do:)
Well, I guess that was the luckiest 15 minutes of your life. Because she showed you who she is. Believe her.
Seriously. Ramble below but I hope OP takes the time to read:
I’m 19 going on 20, just got out of a two year relationship with a shmuck JUST like this. Moved in to my apartment two months in and paid nothing. Used my car, housing, and money as a free ride to get a job and car and then moved out. All the while he was escalating the lies, abuse, disrespect, and manipulation. UNDER MY ROOF AND DIME. I was completely blinded and whipped to accept this blatant maltreatment.
PLEASE OP, it does not get better. It hurt the first few days after but honestly being in a commuted relationship with someone like that is a filter over your entire life perspective. They break you down and convince you the life THEY want is the life YOU want, and you do not live for this guy. He clearly doesn’t live for you, does he? Do you think he’d live for you as a family?
Please understand you are young and likely highly intelligent, gorgeous, kind, and have a lot to offer. Which is why he is manipulating you into staying because he truly DOESN’T want to lose you, but not for the sweet reasons you’re thinking. There is so much more to life than a life with this abuse. It takes time to admit it and you will feel a lot of feelings but in the long run this is abuse and your life will be better by removing it.
I’m sending you so much love and support, trust me it’s a relief and gives you so much space to grow and find yourself. Before you know it you will find someone else who will treat you better than he ever could (I have!)
You are a strong and beautiful person. Don’t settle for boys when there’s a man waiting out there for you.
I went and read your comment; I'd say each was appropriate to the speaker. I was speaking man-to-man. Your comment seemed to channel what one of his wife's girlfriends might have said.
I realize it's an archaic concept, but I hold tightly to the belief that men and women are not the same.
You’re required to bring in multiple people when you’re doing cosmology or hair dressing school. They’re viewed as a model and it’s all strictly professional. I’m sure once she’s fully licensed, she’ll have clients that she knew previously. Would you require her to ditch paying customers too?