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♡ Violet ♡, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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You date, but aren't in a official relationship now (ok we'll ignore the marriage thing). She is free to see who she wants, although he is going back after the bday.
Trust your gut.
Seriously. He might be able to play it cool for a while but his resentment will grow and fester.
There is nothing to have a conversation about. You don't want to have sex, or at least you don't want to have sex with him. He would like to have sex. Thus you are not compatible and the relationship is over. It's easy to understand and there is nothing really to discuss.
Be honest but kind. Ask him to stop playing for a bit because you have something you want to tell him. Get him to stop playing, put the phone down, and just look into your eyes. Then calmly say ”I feel ignored sometimes when you play Clash so much. I feel like you Dont want to spend time with me and its making me feel really sad and insecure in this relationship. I want to spend more time connecting with you and doing things we can enjoy together. What do you think?” And smile.
Be calm and kind, but dont cave in if he starts demanding that you cant control him or that you are asking to give up his hobby. If that happens say ”I am not trying to put pressure on you. I just want to spend time connecting with you and doing things together. I feel unhappy and ignored with how things are now.” And keep being kind, calm but determined. It can be difficult for him to understand, but if he refuses to listen to you or even attempt to understand, leave him. You will find someone much better.
Girl, just run and don’t look back. Guy is crazy??♀️
I think that your gut instinct is the correct one. If you feel trapped, controlled even, I can speak from experience that those feelings don't get easier. They fester. Do what your body says.
You don’t really need to try and diagnose me. I’m good. I think you don’t understand and that’s okay. Be well.
how old are you and this guy? you keep making excuses for him when he shoved his penis in your face. ditch him or continue to be disappointed
Dial up HR
Average age of brain maturity is around 25. If you're over that and attracted to people under that, you might want to take a long hard look at why. Not saying your intent is nefarious, but it could come from some deeply held beliefs that might need to be shed. Read up more on age gaps and how they can affect relationships.
Reallyyyyy she wants your resources while you get jackshit??
y’all dont understand, OP is the main character and could never do wrong. this is clearly an overreaction by the husband.
/s, just in case. OP, get therapy.
Just a thought – perhaps you can try and prepare healthy meals and snacks for her? This will help with her stress levels and achieve better health. You can always approach the conversation as “hey, I noticed you've been a bit stressed. Let me help out, I'll make our meals.” Or something along the lines.
So you think he got tired of me
Happy birthday! Don’t think about her. She does not deserve you.
He agreed that he wanted casual.
But, maybe I’m too ugly for him to date and that’s why he wants casual
Or maybe I came off as too much when he agreed to casual
It sounds like the Adderall may be exacerbating challenges in your relationship and is coming between you both. Given this, it's important to consider how you can best support your partner during this period of adjustment. Communication is key- make sure that each person’s thoughts and needs are heard, respected and discussed openly with kindness. While discussing boundary setting, also explore ways to welcome physical signs of affection back into your lives again such as a cuddle on the couch or in bed together – physical intimacy can serve as an effective bridge between people who have experienced some distance emotionally due to addiction issues or other life changes.
Tricky to answer without more details.
Are you having to apologise for different things all the time?
Is it only with your partner?
What are you getting in trouble for? What are you doing wrong?
How old are you?
please leave him. you deserve better than this.
Can I ask if your husband has a history of being genuinely oblivious to social norms/commonly understood boundaries of social etiquette? In other words, is this kind of boundary-transgressing behavior something he has a documented history of truly struggling with in other areas of his life that don't involve sex or romantic intimacy?
Hate to say this but you have not been “friends for ages”. She is not capable of being a friend. She seems outrageous, narcissistic and mean spirited (exploiting your weakness).
Drunk or sober she is not a friend. I would never talk to her about anything personal again. She will just use it against you at some point.
Move on…
I didnt
Ultimatum given
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He is 31 and she is 19 and his student. He is a predator, end of story.
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I already admitted I read it wrong
Nothing worse than a drunk with bass……I feel ya!
Oh definetly, that's why I try to sort my feelings out before confronting him, cus I know their way of thinking is toxic, it's just hard to ignore that gut feeling they have inflicted upon me.
And a million others have not died of co sleeping. If it's not wrong why are you discouraging it.
About 3400 kids die of cot death. Do you also discourage clewping in a cot.
RemindMe! 8 hours
Ok this is gonna be harsh but you need to hear it.
You are a Fucking mess. Like, first of all you should not be doing shots and getting drunk with coworkers. You definitely shouldn’t be getting black out drunk alone with a married male coworker. And you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NEVER DRIVE YOURSELF ANYWHERE AFTER GETTING BLACKOUT AND VOMITING. That’s just so messy and blatantly fucked up. You’re at work, not a frat party.
Also, cut the phony “he’s like a brother” routine. He’s not your brother and you know for a fact your little breakfast dates are just that- an excuse you two made up to pretty much go on a date.
You said all your other coworkers know he’s your only friend. Why do you think it is they aren’t also trying to join this friendship? It’s because they don’t want to third wheel with y’all and they also work with his wife and can see the effect this friendship is having.
Basically, get it together and make new friends that won’t compromise your career.
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Man I’m not my girls therapist she can gain empathy on her own time after a couple occurrences, and a conversation I’m walkin??
Agreed, from OP's comments her behavior sounds fishy.
??? Wow. I hoped you might have been better at this, but I feel bad now. You can't even come up with a good insult, you can barely write a legible sentence. Are you special needs?
Wow imagine being such a fat loser that you get out of breath fucking your actual wife then go get a rub and rug from some human trafficking victim
You knew he was a creep before you married and now you’re bringing a baby into this broken, messed up family. Make better decisions!
I know that different religions deal with death and grieving differently, and there are many differences even within the same basic principles of the same religion. But your fiance should have been there to support you and he shouldn't have made it about himself. You should take a long hard look at your relationship and decide if you are willing to continue to accept his disrespect towards you. Because you deserve better.
I want to hang out with specifically so it’s not in a group and we can talk as we have similar interests that we always want to discuss but can’t. Also, this sounds like my boyfriend, in which it’s hypotheticals that will come from me having out with someone like who happens to be male
Reddit is so strange sometimes. Liberal and forward thinking a majority of the time, but it's irresponsible to have children with someone if you don't participate in the religious/state institution of marriage?? Pretty old fashioned viewpoint if you ask me.
Completely acceptable. All babies should be tested at birth.
I don’t like how you treat yourself as a passive actor in this situation, and it’s all just the 22 year old who is flirting. It takes two to tango, and there’s no way for it to get to the point where you two are kissing multiple times without you reciprocating far before yesterday.
I really don’t think this is all that complex. Pick a side and then stick with it. Don’t go making out with the new girl at work while staying together with your wife. Commit to your marriage, or move on to the next stage of your life, but you can’t have both.
I get wanting to stay together for your kids, but also you’re showing them that a marriage has partners who argue all the time, don’t share intimacy, and then cheat on their partners. Kids are perceptive. If they haven’t figured out most of this stuff yet, they will.
If I were in your shoes, I would get a divorce and then move on to the next chapter of your life. You’re clearly miserable with this relationship, and that’ll show through in all aspects of your life. Lots of kids grow up with divorced parents and turn out fine.
You fucked around and found out babes. I'm sorry you felt disrespected, but maybe next time, be an adult and talk about this.
Cause you really fucked up and he doesn't trust you now. Just because some other woman packed a nicer lunch??? Girl, work on your confidence. Him complimenting LUNCH isn't that bad, but now you really made it worse.
Honestly, leave him alone. Let him just be for a bit. You really fucked with him.
You have no protection, no legal right to finance, no job, few career prospects, no experience in the workforce, no home, no power and no sense.
You have spent years bringing up someone else’s child with no mention of marriage and no thought of the future. You gave no rights to the child whatsoever.
You need, at the very least, to get back to work, and you should be married or leave.
did you actually apologize? or did you do one of those “I'm sorry I did that but its really your fault because I did it because you said X” where its kinda like an apology, but in reality you're just blaming the other person for your behavior?
This is a great perspective! Well said!
That sounds weird. Who doesn't invite their gf/bf on NYE?
That’s not any better OP. At the age you are now, would you even consider dating a 16 year old? No because they are a child.
A lot of people don’t want to be lonely. It a sucky feeling but a lot of people rather put up with bs so they don’t have feel that, but remember this is a relationship advice sub so you gonna probably see a lot of that.
I'm too territorial to put up with that crap. If you want to flatter other women in front of me you can go chase them and I'll be cool on my own.
Did he previously have a partner who liked that dynamic? He probably misses being able to do that with someone but it's creating friction between you two so the natural solution is for him to stop.
If he doesnt feel the need to do this then you need to decide if a man who doesn't respect you is worth being with.
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Thank you for the advice friend. I'm going to speak with her at the next opportune moment (she lives with her mother – and I'd rather not do this with her mother present). I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with her, but I can't see anyway forward from this.
I’m really proud of you for the way you handled it from the beginning of trusting her not going into because you can’t stop somebody from doing something they want to do. And I’m even prouder of your response afterward though I know it’s heartbreaking for you. Just move on with your life I promise you you will find somebody else that loves you and doesn’t do that but you’re a gym and a keeper. Good luck to you.
“Neither of us have anyone we could ask to be roommates”
Exactly. She deliberately exposed their child to violence and that cannot be overlooked.
This. I think owning insecurities is so important. Either talking about it, laughing about it, whatever. It diminishes its impact and makes a person I think happier and better adjusted. I know it's big in the fat community to just say “I'm fat.” It's OK to not need to change or fix some part of ourselves too.
Yeah and the kid will be lied to all his life. I know kids that didn’t get over that hurt and the father wouldn’t be wise to do that for the sake of their relationship.
Eventually everything comes to light.
Is it weirder that he lied or that they're the same age as you?
A couple friends of mine do, but no one in his circle does
Some parents just don't deserve our respect, it's sad but true. It's her life ffs.
It's a numbers game. Don't put too much faith in any one prospect, many of them disappear with no warning, or generally just lose interest. If you try to figure out what went wrong, you are probably overthinking.
Back when I was actively dating, I actually put prospects on a spreadsheet, so I could remember which guy named “Bill” or “Jim” was which. Once there was no hope, I'd gray out their row or move it to the “also-ran” sheet. A numbers game, in other words.
Good luck.
Tips without evidence from a biased asshole get thrown in the garbage; otherwise, you're always a salty asshole away from a break up.
They let you go through their phone which either means they'd already deleted evidence or that there never was any to find. If you can't trust it's the latter, it's time to break up due to the lack of trust; otherwise, dismiss her and move forward in your relationship.
100%. I got mine once I knew I was done having kids. Bareback sex from then on with no worries.
Move on. It was an FWB relationship. It was not a subpoena.
Either party has the right to back away, no questions asked, which it seems your former FWB has done.
In the off chance she does try to contact you later, that's your opportunity to ask about the disappearing act if you want. Based on your seeming frustration at the ghosting, however, I would personally not recommend further benefits with her at a theoretical later date.
Buddy sounds like a nightmare. You’re 21. You shouldn’t have to arrange your life in order to take care of 2 dudes in their 30’s. Tell your bf buddy can’t live at your house, and then it’s his move from there. There is no way in hell you should invite that energy vampire into your home
It sounds a bit like you just need to forget about this guy and find someone who likes what you've got…
On the other hand I'm a guy who likes big bums/boobs myself and the girl I miss the most was very thin and I was still genuinely super attracted to her physically. I wouldn't have ever thought of wanting her to change… but I also wouldn't have made comments about liking big butts all day when I was with her. I would have been distraught if she told me she was up at night thinking I'd like her more if she looked more like whatever person.
I think the key is you need to say that his comments make you feel uncomfortable and ask that he stop going on about these girls, then choose to stay or go depending on whether he respects your wishes. You can't force anyone to do anything but you can decide to leave. If he refuses or if he agrees to stop making comments and then starts throwing them out again the moment you have an argument then you'll know he doesn't really respect you.
You've got your whole life ahead of you and there's no need to waste time on a guy who doesn't respect or appreciate you.
CPS very rarely takes children. Your child has a drug free safe parent, you. The likely outcome here is the arreat of your husband.
You don't do anything.
You cheated You lost your friend You started a fight
Basically… just stop doing things and bad things will stop happening to you.
Grow the fuck up.
Yeah I agree. But when I asked for a divorce almost a year ago, and for years before then since he wouldn’t work on things, how long was I supposed to wait? But I do agree with you.
Never argue over text. Voice or in-person.
Sounds like you both aren't able to meet halfway on your needs.
You are 19. As much as you wished he was the guy, you may be rushing too fast for a relationship. Make sure it meets your needs.
Can we finally quit excusing mens nausiating behaviour with “visual creatures”? Shes asking her to stop LIKING the photos, which has various reasons (she doesnt want to know, and doesnt every other people to know his bf is a perv, shes uncomfortable with his man needing to signal tge women in the pictures this desperately that he likes what he sees/saving it to his spank bank). Not leaving a “i like this”-sign to someones picture isnt hard.
Men are so pathetic. I would talk to this guy about likely having a porn addiction since porn itself obviously isnt enough for him but you people think her asking him if he can quit leaving a “i was here”- like is too much?
Yes, he’s divorced and has 3 well adjusted children.
I think she needs to compromise here. I go to bed early. My wife is a night owl. It’s only an issue if she wakes me up, or she stays up way too late and misses plans the next day. If she misses cuddling you can you cuddle without tying it to sleep?
I told her im not interested in a threesome or being poly and she was adamant that thats where she wasnt going when bringing this up.
It was rape, you didn't cheat on anything. You were broken up(single) so had it been consensual you didnt cheat.
Contempt destroys relationships
Choose your sister.
Dude, Buzz Aldrin is 93 and he just got married. Don't worry so much.
recommendation from someone who got engaged at 22 and married at 23: wait
So he doesn't deserve to know that the person he's dating is cheating and lying to his face?
Are we going to gloss over the fact that she hit you?
It’s the double standards man, gotta love it lol. She can go on and on about serious topics prior to them meeting about the future but he can’t otherwise it’s a red flag apparently
Asking her to change who she is or what her line of work is for you is not the setup for a healthy relationship lmao
I like this, I’m gonna start using it
That doesn't explain the lack of contribution in the household.
Either way, I packed up my stuff and left the apartment because I feel like my girlfriend just accused me of being one of the worst things a man can be.
Man I’m with you there. That would cut, deep, especially after 6 years. If you want to end this, I think you would be entirely justified.
Is this the first time something like this has happened? Where she has “absorbed” something going on around her and applied it to your relationship? My reason for asking is I dated a girl like that one time, she would see something on the news or on Tik Tok and immediately think it applied to our relationship, and believe me, that gets exhausting and it does not improve. If she is willing to entertain the idea that her BF she has known for 6 years could be some sort of closet abuser, and thinks a background check or therapy is going to say yep, abuser! then I don’t think she is mature enough to be in a relationship.
My girlfriend has called and told me she doesn’t truly think I’m an abuser but is still pursuing the background check to be 100% sure.
This is actually similar to another issue that pops up here often, paternity tests. I don’t think you even need to try and have this conversation, personally I would just walk, but you could try saying that you don’t truly think she is a cheater but will still pursue a paternity test when y’all have kids just to be 100% sure. That may hit a little closer to home for her to understand why you are hurt. Again not the same as being accused of being a potential abuser, but could help.
Aw hunny he is gay. It’s ok to walk away from a sexless marriage, he will come out in his own time but you need to worry about you. Tell him you need more and cant try to make it work any longer. Don’t make it about him, tell him at this point you are doing this for you and you need sex to feel fully fulfilled in a marriage, which I mean duh, I feel crazy after a week or two without it, I can’t imagine not having sex with my husband for that long and still thinking we’re in any kind of relationship more than just best friends. I hope you can find happiness.
I think they are just way to quick to demonize men.
That's literally not what she said, though. Why are you arguing something that isn't even accurate to what the post is everyone's problem on top of it being problematic. Just because you think it was normal didn't make it so or okay; and the fact that 15 to 19 is gross and didn't happen organically in a not creepy way. Also, who cares if a freshman can interact with a senior? It didn't make it not creepy AF. An 18yo dating a 14yo is a grown-up dating a child.
No, pixels will not give notifications for apps you don't have. That said, I'm sure he's deleted it by now. Check the play store to see when it was last downloaded/used
We both wanted children before we got married and I still do want kids as well, just not now. We're too young. Whereas she was eager to start now
Info- this was your female friends pillow? Are there issues with this friend in the past, have you slept with her?
If you’ve slept with this woman I get why your wife doesn’t want you cuddling with her pillow. Outside of that reasoning, your wife’s being totally unreasonable.
He’s controlling to the point of abuse. Please hear me. You have no friends and aren’t allowed to smile. He’s completely isolated you. Abusers 101. It will get worse. You can be grateful for the help he’s provided, but you can’t stay with him. Call any domestic violence hotline and they will confirm that this is textbook abuse. You cannot create a life with him. He’s abusive.
Cheers! ? Thank you! I feel so free and happy to be gone from all that! ? Thank you!!!
Some guys just want attention. He could be paying her just for attention.
Are you really that mentally challenged to have zero context comprehension or just trying to hone creative shit-stirring writing?
Then you’re the placeholder, not him. Run.
Yeah of course your boyfriend should think you’re beautiful what the hell?? That would be devastatingly painful for anyone to be told.
His mom’s got problems, and it sounds like rather than empathize with you, he got defensive and covered for her. It does make me wonder what kind of toxic body image stuff he grew up around, whether he feels bad for his mom and feels like he has to protect her, and/or that kind of behavior got normalized.
Has your boyfriend never told you he finds you beautiful?? That would be weird. Because in this conversation he may not have anticipated the answer you wanted/needed (although he should’ve). But if this is part of a pattern, that’s an issue. You deserve to feel attractive and desirable to your partner.
Do you and get some personal space. If she’s mature and trusting, she’ll understand and support you. If she does anything other than be supportive after some discussion, that’s a huge red flag.
Some things in your post are already huge red flags.
Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this… Many people who project confidence are actually over compensating for a lack of confidence.
If he has had a traumatic past and has not dealt with it sufficiently, it will come out eventually. He may be modeling behavior he has learned from his past or he may be lashing out due to internalized anger from his past. Either way, there are some red flags here. Be careful. Calling you combative is simply a tactic aimed at silencing you. I doubt you are being combative. He's just trying to protect his hidden fragile self.
God fuling dammint
Sit your bf down and explain to him that you’re all adults here and you’ve had relationships with men before him. Some of those (or at least the last one) involved levels of intimacy.
That's totally not going to work, and shows a shocking degree of ignorance about the feelings that can happen here.
“Explain that you're all adults here”. FFS. Where do you guys get some of this stuff from?
Sis, he just told you flat out that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE. All the deflections, the ‘killing the vibe’ accusation, etc- those are signs he doesnt want to talk about it in enough depth to explain to you that youre not the one. It’s a harsh reality to have to accept but now you know. Now it’s time to decide what you want to do with that information because it’s clear you two are not on the same page. If you’re looking at him as a potential life partner, vs what he just said to you, then you are NOT operating on the same wavelength. Consider that and then make your decisions accordingly.
I thought that you just had to be attracted to each other and friends. Friends already like each other's qualities so I don't understand what else there has to be.
I try to gently encourage him […] and he says he will but doesn't
I think how you should approach this depends a lot on how those conversations in particular go.
Are you softening your true feelings and just offering encouragement without making it clear you truly want him to change? Be more direct. “Hey babe, I'm getting concerned about your health and it would mean a lot to me if we started eating healthier.”
Are you already being that direct? If so, him saying he'll change but isn't doing anything is what the focus should be. You're allowed to be upset he isn't holding up to his word, and you should ask him why he isn't. He could need help, or he could just not care.
And I'm not saying he has to bend to your every whim. He's allowed to think that you're overreacting and that he doesn't need to change – but in that case, he needs to say that to you. If he is lying to you just to placate you, don't let yourself be treated like that.
But hopefully he just needs some help and can tell you what he needs if you directly ask.
99% of people dont end up marrying their „first choice“ that just how things go. In the end, he got the girl, thats all
This one incident is not necessarily that bad but if you are putting other peoples needs first often, ya that’s bad
I don’t think this is good advice OP. He’s a POS but making him suffer is not a healthy way of coping with your own suffering. Get into therapy and process the feelings for yourself. I think you’ll be able to come up with a better answer to this question than Reddit will once you’ve done that.
Yeah, I'm not gonna even try and convince him otherwise, or get through it like I did last time. That was a nightmare and did so much damage to me. I guess when he gets back I'll try and talk to him, to determine if this is over. I'm so sad about this. We were doing so good.
You two are clearly not compatible. He cannot be around pets. You do not want to give up your pets. There isn’t a compromise.
My PCP told me that now it’s recommended to get a Pap smear every three years instead of every year, does that sound right? For a woman who’s sexually active? (Not to brag lol)
I don't know your life, but it does sound like you're kind of in denial and are just looking for reasons to not have to make a significant life change. Which is understandable – nobody enjoys ending relationships.
But, take this:
I’m so stressed sometimes I get physically sick.
This isn't happening for no reason. You need to learn to listen to what your body is trying to tell you, and its telling you that this isn't right.
You aren't just feeling this way for no reason.
Trying to read your writing gave me a stroke.
No one’s back tracking. And no, I’m not saying OP is wrong or insinuating that. I deleted the above comment because I agreed with another commenter that it was detracting from OP getting the support she needs.
I also agree with OP’s position in all of this. I just wanted to confirm that the fiancé was aware of the need for a medical abortion, and not just thinking OP was dealing with a normal pregnancy while he’s overseas.
Ex fiancé
Kick her out again and call a lawyer.
If your partner is having secret conversations with the opposite sex (or whatever sex they're attracted to for that matter) it is always cause for concern.
I'd absolutely be enforcing her own standards here. She doesn't want you interacting with the opposite sex, there's no reason for her to think it's okay for her to do so.
But I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now and since about 2-3 months of the relationship I have been enduring constant insults and belittling of my problems from her.
Maybe a break up, yes.
Not sure what the bottom line is here… but one thing I have learnt from relationships is this:
The more you take care of yourselves, the better the relationship will be.
From the sounds it, there is a lot of dumping your problems on each-other. Its like anytime you're faced with an issue, there is running to your partner with the expectation of them to solve it for you.
When two people have a hard time handling things on their own, can they genuinely handle the care of another person? Where is the accountability and responsibility in managing yourselves?
I am not saying to never go to your partner. Of course you need to depend on them as a support pillar occasionally. But a high frequency of it can change the texture of a relationship from enjoying the good bits of their personality, into managing their life for them.
Something like this IMO:
I just wanted to rest and sleep after a hard workout in the gym, but she suddenly started texting me and hinting at me to come and help her find a tag from the clothes she had lost.
Sounds like a complete “I cannot function as a human without you”… that is too much of a weight.
You've even stated this:
women either became too dependent on me or betrayed me
You may happier in a relationship with someone whose self-sustaining.
its acceptable but there is judgement if its a certain size.
I have not heard the word “bastard” used to describe a child born out of wedlock even once in real life. It is basically limited to history books at this point.
You people are so funny. Think of one thing that you would never eat and then think how you would feel to be constantly hounded to just try it. I like to eat liver/hearts/brains/feet/tongues of pigs and cows. But somehow, that's yuck for many. But I should like sea food. Or I should like spice filled food. I'm not talking about hot food. Ginger, as a spice, is yuck to me, and I'm guessing no one would call that a hot spice.
And I will not be trying new foods. Especially at the restaurants. That's a waste of money. It's not like I won't have to pay for it just because I don't like it.
The audacity of calling her a golddigger, you fucking bangmaid digger.
In person, sober, alone, with proof
Oh, wow. I will never understand why this woman agreed to move in with you, knowing how you feel. She is really, really selling herself short.
You should return to therapy, intensive, and live separately from any other women. It’s not fair for your children. This situation that occurred was healthy bonding for a very young girl who lost her mother (and doesn’t likely remember) and you… tainted it with emotion she couldn’t handle and likely viewed as a very negative thing. Do better for everyone involved. Break up and go back to therapy.
We haven't yet because I wanted him to have a chance to get used to therapy on his own and work on himself before doing that. I also don't want to come across controlling, especially because he thinks I control everything, seeing as I manage all of our finances and such to stay on budget. Feel like it's a constant battle
Do NOT add her to the deed, unless you want to give her half of the house if the relationship ends. It's your house.
Where's his bio dad and how was his relationship with him. That may have something to do with it.
The correct answer is because whatever the fuck he wants is fine.
You make very valid points. Thank you. I will definitely plan to discuss this with her. I don’t mean to make a mountain out of a mole hill, and genuinely believe this has been a one time occurrence and she is overreacting to her first experience. Nonetheless, there are issues here I am aware of that need to be addressed for our friendship moving forward. I think there are a lot of factors that have drove her this way, including her parents pressure. But I won’t go into that because that would be a whole separate post. Thank you for your comment though.
Good for you doing that I’m glad it worked out for you and now you know you also don’t wanna be his friend anymore if he’s treating your sister like that good luck
She's young, seeking validation, you will probably just be guy number 18 on her snap. Your call.
ewww i'd be so far gone. away from that immature liar
This is very controlling and you shouldn't accept it.
This is very controlling and you shouldn't accept it.
There was 10 years you could have said something, but did not, why now? There is really no point, except now you are done…..Good luck either way….I usually am for a tell, but in this case, I say no, too much time and you are beyond him now, so what is the point? If you really cared about her, and telling her you would have done it years before, or even last year….But good luck anyway…
But why does she have to fake it and lie about it, i told her i dont have any concern about it. I did had many relationships in past and i was clear with every aspect while coming into the relationship. But she was lying entire time
I will give it a few more dates but after that if there isn’t anything then it might be best to just be friends
Gross.
Thank you very much for your thoughts.
You're absolutely right, and I'll always be on the same page with regard to my alcoholism. I know that it's a failure on my part, and I would like very much to do better.
Addiction is more than I know how to navigate right now. I hope that that changes.
Thank you very much for your thoughts.
You're absolutely right, and I'll always be on the same page with regard to my alcoholism. I know that it's a failure on my part, and I would like very much to do better.
Addiction is more than I know how to navigate right now. I hope that that changes.
Thank you very much for your thoughts.
You're absolutely right, and I'll always be on the same page with regard to my alcoholism. I know that it's a failure on my part, and I would like very much to do better.
Addiction is more than I know how to navigate right now. I hope that that changes.
I am not searching for pitty i am searching for logical answers, not answers from women trying to make me understand why i need a wedding like that or that it's normal to have one.
Look you can have a wedding, you can not have a wedding, you can elope, you can just sign papers, thats all up to you and your partner. People here are pissed you interpret things that were never directly said and get defensive (and honestly extremely misogynistic) when asked how you concluded all that.
Yes 1000%
Nah that's not cool. People defend checking out in relationships but that's stupid. Keep your eyes on your own prize, why would anything else interest you. If someone catches you eye in an impersonal “good looking human” way you don't control and it's a glance, who cares. But if you linger on and enjoy the sight of other people, that's keeping one leg out the door in my books. Regardless of that, clearly you aren't okay with it and a good partner would respect that and he doesn't. Leave him. You said it yourself. Gaslighting.
I'll say what a few others have said at this point – you sound like you have anxiety as you are making a much bigger deal out of this than it likely is. Speaking from experience with “catastrophising” – you should seek advice from a therapist or counselor.
I don't think any amount of time would have been long enough based on OP's reaction.
Thanks for your reply. She says she doesn't have any feelings for him and I absolutely trust her. But I don't like the guy and just feel insecure. I didn't force her a bit, just said I would feel bad about this and she said you shouldn't feel bad…
There’s at least two things going on here. one is that he’s a miser. Which is not attractive.
Two- the way you state things it sounds like you feel entitled to his income because he makes serious coin.
You asked him to stop, he didn’t. You cried it upset you so much but he didn’t stop. He’s bullying you and pretending it’s a joke. You should be treated better, it’s really hard but you need to think if he’s the man for you.
The truth of the matter is if she's willing to cheat on her husband, would you ever trust that she wouldn't cheat on you?
Her husband has been fully taking care of her, and you've even mentioned hes a good man. Are you willing to do all that for her AND be emotionally available 100% of the time? There's a 99.9% chance this won't end well for anyone involved.
So a 20 year old. If you hadn’t graduated High school yet that means you were likely 17? Or were you 18?
I know that’s barely a year apart, but 17&20 are ages apart in mental capacity.
This needs to be reminded more often
I’ve lived with guys who were single when I was single many times, and more often than not, you end up having way more fights and conflict and hating each other ?
Because I had not seen you play the race card when I first responded?
this. i’m 21F and have completely platonically crashed in the same bed as guy friends before
Better to be seen as regressive than sorry.
My ex and I had premarital counseling where boundaries in marriage were explained. They are to protect each partner from temptation and make affairs or suspicions less likely.
Each couple can pick out their own boundaries. Ours were like be friendly and polite at work colleagues, but don't have personal discussion or be overly friendly.
In any conversation act and talk as if your wife or husband is listening and be sure they would approve.
No going out drinking without your partner.
Don't do anything that looks sus, like going to a man's room for a drink.
No opposite sex house guests.
You can adjust with what goes in your culture. Then discuss them with your wife and see if she agrees. Smart people protect their marriage.