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Date: October 2, 2022
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I donโt really agree with you. Especially if thatโs been his stance about drugs from the very beginning. OP obviously knew that going into the 4 year long relationship. I think it is a boundary. Itโs the same as not wanting weed around your kids or around yourself. Besides weed at her age damages her brain. Iโm not saying Iโm anti weed ( Iโm not ) but I think heโs actually helping her form a better life style.
Some people hate the smell and the second hand smoke. And the smell usually lingers on the smoking. Wether itโs weed or cigs. Besides I think itโs nice that hes always enjoyed her company sober. I had an ex that wouldnโt hang out with ke unless we both smoked a big roll. I didnโt mind at the time as I enjoyed weed but he influenced me to smoke daily. It was nothing I did before the relationship. Now that Iโm out of it I realized it wasnโt normal to only want to hang out with your gf high or tipsy. ( he was most likely cheating on me as well which is something I realized after I broke up w him )
Now op can always go hangout with her friends or family for a day or a sleepover to smoke. I donโt think thatโs something sheโll need to tell her bc as sheโs a grown up and can do what she pleases. But I donโt think her bf is being controlling. Itโs him own boundary which should be respecte d
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You have a potential child on your hands. You need a serious talk. Calling it “dumb” is incredibly immature
Also just gonna say, if your genders were reversed, Reddit would be calling your GF a pedo.
You need someone you can RELY on. This is not that guy. (If you want kids) he'll tell you childbirth wasn't that bad, and expect you to do alllll the heavy lifting. Or tell you he'll take you to hospital when it's convenient for him.
If you are sick, hell patiently wait for you to get better… So you can do the laundry that's now overflowing.
Or tell you welcome home, I haven't done the dishes yet…. Or changed the linen… Or bought groceries.
I've been in hospital a LOT in the last few years. This year has been 4 times. I joke that I'm 6 months clean from a hospital visit.
I WAS married to an asshat who was lovely while I was in hospital but left everything at home to me. I was in for 2 weeks, I asked them to please just change the linen. They started doing it when I walked through the door. I swear their catchphrase was “I was going to do that”.
My fiance, he's left important work to sit with me for hours in casualty, brought me to doctors visits, books time off work when I'm sick so I am not alone. Makes sure I'm never alone at visiting hours even if he can't be there.
Find someone you can lean on and trust when things go sideways, in life – they will. That's not just with the big “I really need to go to hospital” stuff, the little things as well.
It would be on them to prove you guilty.
im sorry if i made he look like that, he is not a bad person i can affirm this to u. he was helping me a lot in the game, and the jokes were like โhaha r u dead again love?โ โr u mad haha ooh loveโ just this silly things, but as i was in fact really mad it was as if it was huge things for me and after i calmed down i just realize how stupid i was
Was curious about that too.
My “it's fake” alarm bells are ringing.
Ew I had one jerk me around like that for a year. Quit flirting with him. He's too immature to be considered a potential boyfri3nd and too casual about your feelings to be a good friend. Don't give him any more of your energy
Well maybe sge should have found her children proper dad back then. It's not about revenge or equality. It's about what children needs now. They needs their parents, both.
There have been many studies that intimate partner violence rates are similar for both sexes. Honestly, I think she is an abuser trying to control you.
Unfortunately I agree
Biggest takeaways:
Her “cheating”, grey area since yall weren't exclusive
The marry man comment? Do you even want to know?
Your sex life. The fact she isn't communicating with you about her wants and her selfish ways. Is that your ideal sex life? I'd be more worried about that. Why she didn't talk to you about it with you. That kinda thing is how resentment grows.
Ultimately, what do you want OP? Idk if this is salvageable. But I'd work on fixing your sex life of you do stay.
This is abusive. How dare he? It's your body. He doesn't get to choose when you carry and birth another human being.
He's not joking, he's controlling but you have said that you are seeing red flags. They're Bright red OP.
You might get more and better insight from r/polyamory and r/nonmonogamy
I don't know how being in an open relationship will turn out for me because we've only been together for fifteen years. It's not over yet and probably won't be until one of us dies.
Thank you for your feedback! I think what has thrown me off the most was him telling me he loves me so quickly, but in my experience everyone has different standards for when theyโre ready to say that. I do believe he was being genuine when he said it but it was a bit awkward for me because you could tell he was really hoping Iโd say it first (which he later admitted) The interesting thing Iโm finding in this relationship that I didnโt have in previous ones is I seem to understand him really well and catch onto his body language extremely easily. Heโs said itโs almost like I can read his mind lol
If she knows how you feel and continues to do this, she is not a good partner.
Yeah
Iโm not gonna respond to the post because a lot of other comments covered what I would say, but I do have some advice. as a past addict who lived with addicts my whole life- they almost never will get rid of their whole stash that easy. Especially if itโs a dependency/addiction. I would go the full length of searching the house for drugs. You donโt want her to be hiding something and your kid finding it first.
Take the hint you're given. That one “…when the right woman comes along,” statement gave you several:
1.) He's passage aggressive with his thinking and speaking.
2.) He doesn't bring up serious topics unless you do.
3.) He cannot give you a straight answer
4.) He clearly does not see you as the right woman
5.) Telling you he is not committing to you, without being decisive or honest and telling you outright.
You have your answer in ONE SENTENCE that he is not for you. Get out while you're young
If she ever gets pregnant take pictures while she's giving birth and post them all on Facebook.
Jokes aside she's caught in this never ending, attention seeking loop that we also call social media. “My friends did it too so why wouldn't I?” Is not acceptable, this has taken all the sweetness fromt intimate moments away from you just so a couple of people can see it and “like it.” This is a sign of insecurity. Is she on her phone a lot? Especially during holidays and/or eventful moments?
She needs some therapy
Good point.
This is a serious conversation you should've had BEFORE deciding to get married.
The fact that your initial response was to just walk out – and then DELIBERATELY said something INTENDED to hurt her – is a pretty strong indicator that you lack the maturity and communications skills to marry ANYONE right now.
Yup sounds like BS
I can't recall, but I'm guessing just TSH. I'll mention getting a full panel done
Really nothing definitive. She's seen doctors, specialists recommended by the doctors, specialists recommended by the specialists recommended by the doctors, etc and no one has been able to give her a clear answer. The only thing that's really come out of it was that she was diagnosed with gastroparesis. But it was more of a “we don't know what's going on, but you have some of these symptoms so we're just going to label is as X”. None of the advice/treatments they gave for it changed anything
Because it was so out of character to not hear anything. I feel bad I didnโt sooner to check they were ok.